The Grand Tour

Thank you.

Hello, and welcome to The Grand Tour,

which this week comes to you from Nashville!

There it is.

It was er... It's a city that was named after General Nash.

Big war hero, kicked the British out.

He got er...

You ended up with independence. And how's that working out for you?

I only ask because we were looking the other day

at the bestselling cars in America these days.

This is the top five.

There you go, that's independence... working well.

Toyota, Honda, Toyota, Nissan, Honda.

So what is actually made in Detroit these days, then?

Er... Well, mostly they just grow sustainable organic peace beans.

It's just women with armpit hair growing kale.

That's all that's going on there...

municipal farms for the community.

Now, the reason we've come to Nashville

is very simple, in fact.

It's because I've been to all 50 of the US states,

but I'd never been here before.

And what a town!

Yeah.

- Love it. - Who knew?

- We are loving it. - Who knew?

It is a great place, we're loving it,

and the music is amazing.

Loving that... very much.

- Well... - What?

- Not really. - Mate, you can't...

This is known as Music City USA.

- That's what it is. - But it isn't, is it?

Because Detroit is.

Oh, no. Listen... No.

It is.

Motown... Motown

is just three minutes of jangly nonsense.

- Oh, come on, Hammond! - It is!

Hammond, it just isn't!

You cannot possibly say that.

Country and western music

is designed to make you miserable.

Motown is designed to make you happy.

No, he's absolutely right. Motown is happier music.

I mean, take something like

Martha Reeves "Dancing In The Streets", OK?

Listen to how happy the words are.

"Every guy, grab a girl, everywhere around the world."

Isn't that what Donald was telling us to do?

Well, he was, wasn't he? He did. He did.

No, he said, "Every guy, grope a girl."

A very different thing.

Detroit isn't just Motown. Bob Seger's from Detroit.

It's just housewives' music.

- Ted Nugent - Mad!

- Iggy Pop. - Ridiculous.

- Madonna. - Annoying.

- Eminem. - Can't sing.

- Alice Cooper. - Ridiculous again.

- Half of The Eagles. - Which half?

- Glenn Frey. - I don't like that half.

Nashville. Right, what's come out of here? Miley Cyrus.

Brilliant!

- You just said that out loud on television. - I did.

And... And The Allman Brothers.

Never heard of them.

You have.

The Allman Brothers,

they had that one hit, instrumental.

- What was it called? - Jessica.

Jennifer.

Oh, I hated that.

You never hear it any more, do you?

No. Rubbish.

Weirdest thing.

Weirdest thing.

- Oh, hello. - A message.

Oh, sorry.

This is a message from Mr Wilman.

We've gone a bit off topic.

He might be cross. We have a bit.

There is a car thing here we ought to talk about.

It's called coal rolling. Are you familiar with this?

It has its origins in a sport

where people go with their pickup trucks into a field

and see who can tow the heaviest thing.

- Yep. Oh, yep. - We've got some footage here of it happening.

Look at that! The man in a pickup truck towing a heavy thing.

There you go.

Things you will never hear said at that event:

"Got to rush, lads. I'm late for a poetry reading."

That's truck number three...

Bernie Sanders, everybody.

Anyway, the thing is, they worked out

they could pull more heavy things

if they fiddled with the ECU on the diesel engines,

because that would generate more power,

and, as a by-product, more smoke,

cos that's why it's called coal rolling.

And now, various kids have started to do it out on the highway.

What they do is go out on the street

and then do it when they overtake a Toyota Prius.

Look at this. Here we go.

Oh, for God's sake! Really?! Oh, come on!

Really?!

- Now, I... - That's just...

I just... I know, I know I shouldn't say this.

But every time I overtake a Prius,

I always think, "I could do this in fourth...

"but I'm gonna use second instead

to annoy them even more."

You do know you are 56 years old?

- Yeah, but I've got a mental age of nine. - Oh, yeah.

- Shall we get on with the show? - Yeah, it's time.

On with the show. In our car show this week...

James runs over a sun lounger.

Richard has a beer.

And I go on a thing.

Jesus!

Anyway, before all that,

we've been having a bit of a debate.

You see, I say you don't need to buy a BMW M3

because for £11,000 less you can have a Jaguar XE S,

which is nicer to drive,

more comfortable and just as fast.

- It isn't just as fast. - Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't. - They both do 155mph.

Yes, because the BMW has been electronically limited to 155.

The Jag is just... limited.

Sorry to interrupt.

It's just that both my colleagues are wrong.

Because if you want a small, fast saloon car,

what you absolutely have to have...

If you're gonna start going on

about that Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio,

I am gonna stab you in the eye with this pen.

- No, he's... - A number of times.

He's right. Alfa Romeo have not made a decent car

for 30 years.

- Erm... - "Erm" nothing,

because we need to get back to the point.

James and I have decided

it was time to sort out this Jaguar-BMW debate

with a proper old-school road test in Scotland.

Hello, and welcome to Wales,

where I've come with all of our film crews and this,

the brand-new Alfa Romeo Giulia... Quadrifoglio.

I think.

Whatever.

Let's get on now and see what's what.

Now, for this to be a proper Alfa Romeo,

there must be... something wrong with it.

Think about it.

A person who's kind to his mother

and punctual and sober and well-dressed, he's an Audi.

And nobody wants a friend like that.

If you're going to form a relationship with a car,

if you're gonna develop a bond,

it's got to have human qualities.

And if it's gonna have human qualities,

it's got to have faults.

And this car, I'm delighted to say, has a big one.

I don't know quite how they've managed this,

but it's not very easy to get out of.

You've got this pillar here, then the wheel here,

and there isn't enough of a...

of a gap between the two.

Hang on a minute. Hang on.

How Alfa Romeo is that?

They put the door in the wrong place. It should be...

It should be further back.

That is brilliant.

There's more, too.

It's not a particularly handsome car.

The wheels are too small.

And for some reason,

they've chosen to make the front

look like a Wolseley.

Now, in the recent past... James is quite right...

Alfas have had their faults

and then no good bits to compensate.

They've just been wrong-wheel-drive Fiats

with the word "Fiat" crossed out

and "Alfa Romeo" written in in crayon.

That, though...

...that's a very different animal.

This is a fabulous car,

an epic car.

Probably because it's the love child

of the same man who engineered the Ferrari 458.

He's given it a carbon-fibre propshaft,

a carbon-fibre roof,

a carbon-fibre bonnet,

a proper limited-slip differential,

telepathic steering and a clever gearbox.

But the most impressive bit of this car

is its turbocharged 2.9L V6 engine.

An engine that wobbles when you close the door.

That is brilliant. Look at that.