Common Side Effects

我实际上想买一个非常特别的房产 I'm actually looking to buy a very specific property.

吉默·贾维斯 很高兴认识你 Jimmer Jarvis. Nice to meet you.

- 妈 - 我的小女孩 - Mom. - My little girl.

有人给我寄了张明信片 Someone sent me a postcard.

- 弗朗西斯 - 我来帮忙 - Frances? - I came to help.

哇 Yaaaaah!

Frances，跑 Frances, run!

真恶心 Sick.

搞什么？！ 搞什么？ What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

我觉得这家伙还活着 I think this fucking dude is still alive!

他还在抽搐 He's still... He's still fucking twitching!

别闹了，Rusty Knock it off, Rusty.

什么？ What?

好吧，你，你是谁？ Alright, now, you, who are you?

海龟人的女朋友？ Turtleman's girlfriend?

- 没事的，没事 - 不，她不是... - It's okay. Okay. - No, she's...

她不是我女朋友 she's not my girlfriend.

我的意思是 好吧，这家伙是谁？ I mean... - Okay, who was this guy?

我想他想杀我 I think he was trying to kill me.

或者拿走我的... Or take my...

听着，这说来话长 Look, it's a long story.

我喜欢听故事 I like stories.

你喜欢听故事吗，Rusty？ Rusty喜欢听故事 You like stories, Rusty? Rusty likes stories.

看来你这里有个非常有趣的故事，伙计 Seems like you got a real interesting story here, guy.

不如你现在就进来给我们讲个故事？ So why not you come inside right now and tell us a story?

好吧，谁在追你？ Alright, who's after you?

嗯，缉毒署，肯定 Uh, the DEA, definitely.

但我不认为那是他们 But I don't think that was them.

嗯，大型制药公司，可能 Um, Big Pharma, probably.

我有个同父异母的兄弟 I have a half brother

似乎对发生的事情很着迷 who seems kind of obsessed with what's going on.

哦，可能是一个疯狂的真菌学家，呃，和她的信徒 Oh, maybe a crazy mycologist, uh, and her disciples.

真菌学家是... A mycologist is a specialist or expert in...

我知道真菌学家是什么 I know the fuck a mycologist is!

对不起，对不起，是的 所以... Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. So...

好了，伙计们，今晚真的很可怕，很疯狂 Okay, you guys, this night has been really scary and crazy.

但这个人，Marshall，我告诉你 But this man, Marshall, I'm telling you,

他可以改变世界，如果他能种出他的蘑菇 he can change the world if he can just grow his mushroom.

这个蘑菇能治愈一切？ This mushroom heals anything?

Tommy有些问题 Tommy's got some stuff wrong with him.

真的有问题 Real wrong. Hehe.

你不必拥抱他或什么的 You don't have to hug him or anything.

他身上有污泥点 He's got sludge spots.

除非你是追逐污泥的人，他们就在那里 Unless you're a sludgie chaser, they're out there.

这里的很多孩子都是'Sludgies' Lotta kids around here are Sludgies.

他们不喜欢这个词 拜托 Th-They don't like that term. Come on.

我不介意 我们正在收回它 I don't mind it. We're reclaiming it.

我的肺就像... 烤面包 几乎不能工作了 My lungs is like... toast. Barely work.

他没希望了 There's no hope for him.

某天晚上他会窒息而死 One night he'll just choke and die.

可能会发出咕噜声，像 Gurgling, probably, like

这一切是因为废弃场地吗？ This is because of the waste site?

是的 60英里内没有医院 Yep. There's no hospital for 60 miles.

Tommy反正也没有保险 你还在等什么？ Tommy's got no insurance anyway. What're you waiting for?

把你的魔法蘑菇药给他 Give him your magic shroom medicine.

拜托 我想，但现在 Come on. - I want to, but right now,

我只剩下两个蘑菇了 I only have two mushrooms left.

你会给他的 You're gonna give it to him.

好吧，Tommy，你可能会感觉到一种副作用 Okay, Tommy, there's a side effect that you might feel.

你的大脑会去到一个地方 Your mind is gonna just kinda go to a place.

试着接受它，好吗，伙计？ Try and just take it in, okay, bud?

来吧 你行的 嚼碎并吞下 Go ahead. You got it. Just chew and swallow.

它味道很恶心吗？ Does it taste disgusting?

听听他的呼吸 他就像... 正常了 Listen to him breathing! He's like... normal.

操，我今天看到了奇迹 Shit, I've seen a miracle today.

好吧 我想我们可以忘记那件事了，呃 Okay. Well, I think we can forget about that, uh,

炸飞的野猪 wild hog that blew up.

对 是的 Right. Yes.

这只是个意外 It was just an accident.

你典型的野猪事故 Your typical hog accident.

你在说那个人？ You're talking about the guy?

你认为你可以在这里种植这个东西？ And you think you can grow this thing here?

好吧，几个小时前发生了一场爆炸 Okay, a few hours ago there was some kind of explosion.

现在全是握手？ Now it's all handshakes?

那是什么？ 烧烤吗？ What is that? A barbecue?

他们在烤排骨或者什么东西 Cooking up ribs or something.

他把她带回了他的拖车里 他要杀了她吗？ He took her back to his trailer. Is he about to murder her?

听着，也许总部不需要确切地知道我们在哪里， Look, maybe headquarters doesn't need to know exactly

但我们必须坚持下去 where we are, but we gotta stay on this.

好吧，我们可以继续关注他 现在 Okay, we can keep eyes on him. For now.

但我不喜欢我们对拖车的视线 But I'm not loving our sight-lines on the trailer.

可以使用某种高度 Could use some kind of elevation.

你好 我们是星光电视公司的新卫星电视公司 Hi! We're with Star-Tel-Lite. It's a new satellite TV company.

你的屋顶有适当的朝向 Your roof has the proper exposure

南半球 to the Southern Hemisphere,

我们正在为农村用户提供一项新计划， and we're offering a new program to rural subscribers

可以让你获得一年的免费电视 that could land you one year of free TV.

你现在是在耍我吗？ Are you messing with me right now?

不，先生 No, sir.

从这里滚出去 这太酷了 Get the hell out of here! That is so cool!

该死，我们很幸运 真幸运 Damn, we're lucky. - Really lucky.

我们只向不到17000分之一的家庭提供这项服务 We're offering this to less than one in 17,000 homes.

哇，这就像...不到... Wow, that's like... less than...

朝南 哇 Southern exposure. Wow.

一切都经过消毒，所有不同的土壤组合 Everything sterilized, all different soil combos.

但什么也没长 But nothing grew.

我试过琼脂，我试过注射孢子，我试过... I tried agar, I tried syringing out spores, I tried...

好吧，有没有可能你太聪明了？ Okay, is it possible you're too smart for your own good?

当你在秘鲁发现蘑菇时，它只是在生长？ When you found the mushroom in Peru, it was just growing?

是的，在山谷底部 Yeah, on the valley floor.

你试过吗？ Have you tried that?

什么？ 就像把它种在地上？ What? Like just grow it on the ground?

我的意思是，东西就是长在那里的 I mean, that is where stuff grows.

哦 Oh.

嗯... Uh...

哦，是我妈妈 Oh, it's my mom.

哦，对不起，是的 是的 Oh, sorry, yeah. Yeah.

弗朗西斯，我到底在看什么？ Frances, what the hell am I looking at here?

我是指你发送的视频，而不是电视 I mean in the video you sent, not on the TV.

我想这是一个德国真人秀节目？ I think it's a German reality show?

“家庭主妇”…… "Housewives of"...

但她们嫁给了她们的狗，我不知道 But they're married to their dogs, I don't know.

好吧，哇，真的很吸引人，Rick，但请听我说？ Okay, wow, really captivating, Rick, but please listen?

它是100%真实的，而且有效 It's 100% real, and it works.

好吗？ 我只需要一些时间 这对我们来说意义重大 Okay? I just need some time. This will be huge for us.

- 它能保住我的工作吗？ - 也许 - Could it save my job? - M-Maybe.

好吧，你在哪里？ 如果你需要，我们可以派人帮忙 Well, where are you? We can send help if you need it.

不 Rick，不 我不需要帮助 No. Rick, no. I don't need help.

你只是... 听着，我要离开一段时间，好吗？ You just... Look, I'm gonna be gone for awhile, okay?

我正在努力弄清楚... 哇，哇，哇 I'm trying to figuring out... - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

你不明白我们现在处于什么样的困境吗？ Do you not get what kind of predicament we're in right now?

我的工作岌岌可危 My job is hanging by a thread.

我们的盈利报告将在周四发布， Our earnings report comes out Thursday,

剧透一下，它很糟糕 and spoiler alert, it sucks!

我是说，真的，弗朗西斯 I mean, really, Frances.

你知道我现在的生活有多糟糕吗？！ Do you know how bad my life is right now?!

哦，太好了，我的客房服务来了 Oh, great, now my room service is here.

Rick Rick!

Rick，你能... Rick, can you just...

我们可能发现了什么大事情 We could be onto something huge here.

好吧，好吧 Alright, alright.

你知道，有趣的故事， You know, funny story,

当我在我的高中棒球队时... when I was on my high school baseball team...

再见，Rick Bye, Rick.

我找到了一些冬青，做了一些茶 I found some yaupon and made some tea.

这是北美唯一的本土含咖啡因植物 It's North America's only native caffeinated plant.

好吧，达洪，但你不会在... Well, dahoon, but you're not gonna find that in...

你选择了星光电视公司 这是你的主意 You picked Star-Tel-Lite. And it was your idea.

好吧，伙计 惊人的消息 Okay, dude. Amazing news.

谁在我们屋顶上？ Who is that on our roof?

这就是我要告诉你的 That's what I was about to tell you.

我们可能有资格，伙计 We might be eligible, man!

哦，该死的，Rusty Oh, God damn it, Rusty.

现在是让陌生人在附近闲逛的好时机吗？ Does it seem like a good time to have strangers poking around?

嘿，伙计们 哦，嘿，你好 Hey, guys. - Oh, h-hey, there.

所以，呃，你是卫星公司的，是吗？ So, uh, you're with the satellite company, are ya?

嗯，嗯 是的，星光电视公司 Uh, mm-hmm. Yeah, Star-Tel-Lite.

哇 好吧，我们真幸运，是吗？ Wow. Well, lucky us, huh?

非常幸运，实际上 Very lucky, actually.

可以很好地看到南方天空 Great access to the southern sky.

是啊，所以这里的问题是，我们不接受推销员 Yeah, so the problem here is, we don't take solicitors.

Rusty忘了这件事了 Rusty here forgot about that.

是啊，而且我不应该有太多的屏幕时间 Yeah, plus I'm not supposed to have too much screen time.

没关系 没事 No worries. Ha! That's fine.

听起来我们最好 Sounds like the best thing for us to do

还是让你们自己待着吧 is, uh, probably just leave you folks alone.

是啊 Yeah.

可能非常正确 Probably damn right.

我们没事吧？ We cool?

没事 We cool.

好的 Okay!

Frances，我只是去拿一些垃圾袋， Frances, I'm just gonna grab some trash bags,

但检查一下这个地方 but check the place out.

这里有各种有趣的牲畜饲料 There's all kinds of interesting livestock feeds.

在废弃场地附近有什么有趣的东西生长吗？ Growing anything interesting by the waste site?

你看上去像个城里人 You look city to me.

他当然会选择你， Of course he'd pick you,

小小的城市肉桂卷都归他自己 little city cinnamon roll all to himself.

好的 Okay!

哦 Ohh.

好了，准备好了吗？ Okay, ready to go?

是的是的 Yeah, yeah!

嘿，给你们带了些烧烤 Hey, brought you some barbecue!

哦，谢谢 哇，闻起来真香 Aw, thanks! Wow, smells delicious.

等等 这不是... Wait. This isn't...

为了确认一下，这不是来自我们之前讨论的“猪”的肉吧 Just to make sure, this isn't meat from the, uh, "hog" we discussed earlier.

哈，拜托，伙计 我们不是那种变态 Ha, come on, man. We ain't sickos like that.

我们确实把那家伙烤了 然后我们把那东西喂给了一头猪 We did smoke the guy. Then we fed that to a hog.

然后我们把那头猪烤了 Then we smoked the hog.

嗯 Huh.

我，嗯，把它留到午夜当零食吧 I'll, um, save it for a midnight snack.

听着，在那条路往下大约四分之一英里的地方有一辆面包车 Listen, there's a van about a quarter mile down that road.

他们说他们是来自有线电视公司的，但他们可能在撒谎 They say they're from the cable company but they might be lying.

JJ叔叔认为他们可能是政府的人 Uncle JJ thinks they might be government.

啊 好吧 Gah. Alright.