The Mindy Project

You have an idea of how your life is going to turn out.

When I was a kid, all I did was watch romantic comedies

in our living room while I did my homework.

"I'll have what she's having."

Some coffee or, you know, drinks?

In High School,

Tom Hanks was my first boyfriend.

"For as long as we both shall live."

In college, everything changed.

No supervision, total freedom.

I could watch romantic comedies whenever I wanted to.

"I'm just a girl

"standing in front of a boy

asking him to love her."

And then two years ago,

when I finally became a doctor,

I had no time for any distractions.

You are 8 1/2 months pregnant.

Your husband's gotta keep his schvantz away from you.

Which I can imagine must be difficult

with a wife as beautiful as yours.

She's already pregnant, Dr. Reed.

Idiot.

I am going to put Dr. Castellano in charge.

He's my best resident.

Dr. Castellano.

Daniel Castellano.

I'm the man that's gonna take a person outta you.

I don't take that responsibility lightly, okay?

You're scaring them, Danny.

- Sorry. - Sorry, ma'am.

Don't be frightened.

And that's when I saw him.

Oh, my God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry.

Sorry.

No way. Thanks.

It's happening.

What?

Um, it's, uh, it's happening.

Oh.

Never thought about that.

I guess I do too.

Oh, my God.

Sorry.

Oh, here, let me help you with that stuff.

Sorry. Oh.

Klutzes, party of two.

Seriously.

Met in an elevator.

My hair came undone.

Are you kidding me?

I'm basically Sandra bullock.

And then it happened.

Did the elevator just stop?

I'm mindy.

Obstetrics and gynecology.

Tom. Oral surgery.

Can I get you an orange?

We were stuck in the elevator for 20 minutes...

I have a sandwich here.

And I moved into his apartment two months later.

What does this have to do

with the circumstances of your arrest?

I am getting to that.

Tom got married last night to someone else.

Three months ago,

he met and fell in love with some serbian girl

who sells bagels in the lobby of the hospital.

He fixed her teeth, dumped me,

and last night, they got married.

I don't think they thought I would ever go,

so they invited me to be polite.

But, oh, I did go.

And after four vodka sodas,

I realized I had something to say.

Some of you might not know

that Tom and I used to date.

So I have some pretty good stories

about everyone's favorite glorified dentist.

Like how Tom will always cover his ears and go, "ahh,"

if you start talking about an episode of TV

that he has not seen yet.

God forbid

you give away the ending to Downton abbey.

What the hell is this show,

and why does everybody keep talking about it?

Shh.

Why can't I talk?

Or the time that Tom told me,

um, when we were having sex

that he wanted to marry me

and make me pregnant with six babies.

Did you guys know about that?

Which I really wanted too.

Hey...

But that didn't end up happening

'cause I think I was too old.

No, I mean, I know that I was too old.

That's what you said to me.

Not what I said.

When you broke up with me.

Sorry, you said you wanted to build a future

with someone with more years to share.

That is what I said.

Doesn't matter,

because here you are, getting married

to the serbian bagel girl.

By the way, are we 100% sure

that she is not a war criminal?

Don't look at me like that.

Am I the only person here

who saw Angelina jolie's movie?

She's not a war criminal.

Whatever, you guys. I'm so happy for you.

I only want the best for the two of you.

One of you. Let's wrap it up.

L'chaim!

Everyone, great talking to you.

Huh!

Great, awesome. Thank you.

Brilliant.

I'm Sandra bullock!

Racist!

Ooh, a shortcut.

Aah!

Mindy. Mindy, down here.

I've been waiting for you.

Can I tell you something, girl to girl?

You are acting like a idiot.

If you don't pull it together,

no one will ever love you.

At least I have a boyfriend.

And when that hot, mean doll

pointed out that even she had a boyfriend,

I just started to cry.

This is not where I should be.

It's important for you to know

that this is not really who I am.

Or who I have been is not who I'm going to be.

We have you down for three counts of public intoxication,

theft, and disorderly conduct.

I'm sorry, disorderly conduct?

Aren't there rapists and murderers out there?

When you are disorderly,

you are a rapist of peace and quiet.

That's a little... okay.

She's been bailed out.

Gwen, my hero.

It has been great

working with you

and seeing this process from the inside.

Before I leave,

would it be possible to get a tour

of the special victims unit?

No? Okay, bye.

Did you think that Tom

was just gonna ditch the wedding

and run off with you like you're Katherine Heigl?

Kind of, yes.

Well, your life is not a romantic comedy.

Right now it seems more like a sad documentary

about a criminally insane spinster.

It kinda sounds like I could win an Oscar though.

I think I should cancel that date tonight with Dennis.

Gwen, no.

Listen, I'm just being real with you.

Carl and I know, like, three datable guys

that we can set friends up with,

and I can't squander them

on a high-risk situation like this.

Okay, I promise you, Gwen,

this drunk, crime-committing person,

she's history.

There's no reason for me to live my life like this.

I went to a good college, I am a doctor.

This is boring.

My body mass index is not great,

but I'm not, like, precious or anything, you know?

This is boring.

You know what, you are boring. Contribute something.

Don't call my daughter boring.

Honey, you're fascinating.

Hmm.

Listen, Gwen,

I cannot keep hooking up with Jeremy

and then later asking him,

"hey, what's our deal anyway?"

That British guy, he is bad news.

We do not know that he is bad news.

I think he has a good heart.

I think he's Hugh grant in about a boy.

I think that he is Hugh grant in real life.

Mindy?

I hate to interrupt

because I see you're enjoying

some well-deserved BFF time.

Hello, Gwendolyn.

Hi.