1-800-Hot-Nite

Oh, here we go fellas.

All right, all right, listen,

bro how do you even work this shit anyway?

- Back up Steve. - Yeah, damn.

- Damn, you stink. - Yo, what should I ask her?

Dude, I'm gonna ask her if she takes it in the ass?

- Oh, dude you should ask that. - What if you can suck her boobs?

Bro what, bro I've seen it on that porn shit.

Yeah dude, but that's why his stepmom took his cellphone away.

Dude, do you guys think like girls like masturbate in real life?

No idiot, chicks don't jack off. What are talking about?

Man shut up, like you know.

They have dildos.

- Steve knows. - Oh yeah, he knows.

He knows about dildos.

It's 1-800-Hot-Nite.

N I T E.

Bro, I know how to spell 'night' idiot, what are you talking about?

That's not actually how you spell 'night'.

- Man, Steve back up. - Shut up.

Yeah, damn. It's ringing, it's ringing.

You've called 1-800-Hot-Nite.

I'm so horny, and I've been waiting for you.

What took you so long?

Aw, it was work, I was working.

Oh, I love a working man.

I've just been waiting here in my little red thong,

touching myself, but I'm going slow

because I need your help.

So why don't you gimme your credit card number

and for 99 cents per minute, you can help get me off.

Are you ready for me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here.

Credit a card number, yeah.

- It's, oh shit, fuck. - Fuck, fuck.

Hello?

Hello!

I got it, I got it.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's good, everything's great.

I have the card number, it's 4500-1234-5678-9012.

Good.

Now I need you to give me the expiration date.

- February 3rd. - Yeah, uh, uh February 2026.

And the code?

What's the code?

The CVC code?

Yeah, yeah, silly me.

It's those three little numbers on the back.

Right.

I don't know why I'm tripping, 04...

9.

It looks like you've been a good boy.

I knew you'd be ready for me.

So, what's your name?

Tommy.

Tell me about your day, Tommy.

What do you do for work?

I, work at, uh, I'm a cop.

Tommy, are you a bad cop?

I've met a couple bad cops before.

- I can't hear. - Yeah, I am.

- Bad cops make me so wet. - Gimme the phone.

You know what else gets me wet?

Spanking!

Do you like to get spanked?

Do you want me to spank you for being a bad cop?

Yeah.

Good.

What do you want me to use?

I could use my hand.

Or if you like something harder, I have a belt.

A belt, yeah belt.

I was hoping you'd say that.

I want you hard while I do it.

What do you want me to wear?

- Naked. - Naked.

Naked, naked. I want you to be naked.

Oh, Tommy, you're so nasty.

Okay, good.

Oh, I ripped my bra off.

My nipples are so hard.

I can feel you.

I can feel you.

I'm gonna come soon.

Will you squeeze my nipples?

Do you wanna squeeze them hard?

Yeah, I do, I wanna touch them.

Oh, oh God, oh God.

Tell me what you want me to do.

- Dude, ask her. - My fingers are inside me.

Tell me what you want me to do, tell me.

Yo, wait, yo stop!

- Hey, will you take it in the ass or what? - Yo stop!

You wanna fuck, you wanna fuck?

- It's called a ménage à trois. - It's just me, it's just me!

Let me suck on them tities.

- Give me the phone. - Stop, stop.

- Let me speak to her. - Wait, wait, hello, hello?

Miss phone sex lady.

Hello?

Damn, let's go.

Yeah, okay let's go boy.

- Yo, that's crazy man! - Let's go.

Y'all crazy, dude.

- Oh shit! - Oh shit!

Man you ruined it!

No I didn't, all right if there's a chick here right now, I'd be like,

"Hey, pop a titty for your boy,"

you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you wanna see my dick?

Yeah.

I can't get a sexy voice outta my head, bro, for real.

- Oh same. - Hey whoa, whoa, check this out.

I got something for y'all.

What are they?

- Vikes? - Vicodins.

My dad takes 'em like all the time.

All right, let's go then.

We saw Kelly, Britt at green thing,

we saw them swimming at Garden View.

Now let's go then.

All right, it's crazy, man.

Oh, whoa, whoa, we gotta stop.

- What? - Sorry, Steve.

But what the fuck are you wearing?

- Man, shut up. - You look stupid.

Some asshole stole our clothes at the laundry, you know.

O'Neill won't let me borrow any.

- That's my shit, ain't it? - This is your gym stuff.

And you know, I ain't got nothing else.

That's right, with your little broke ass.

And they stole my fucking Cap jersey.

- No, for real? - Yes.

Oh, that sucks, dude.

Dude, these clothes smell like ass.

Look, you can take 'em off if you don't want 'em.

All right, all your shorts is coochie cutters anyway.

They weren't coochie cutters.

All right, you don't even know what coochie is.

- I do. - It's a vagina.

Okay, see what you got.

I bet you haven't.

Hey.

You ain't king James.

- Man shut up, you can't dunk. - Okay.

All right, let's see what you got.

Told you, what did I say?

- Damn! - KD, man.

Let me try again.

Wait, wait Steve, Steve shh, shh.

Yo, hey, bro, what the fuck?

- Man, get your shit. - Shut up, can't even catch a ball.

I'm just happy that ...

This is my dog. - I know.

- Yeah. - Olivia.

Oh my God she's so ...

I know, I wish I never see her anyway.

I mean, I feel like I have a ...

And Jessica too, they're just annoying.

- Oh man. - Oh Freddy it's not your ...

Oh shit, oh fuck!

- Shit. - Goddammit, fuck.

Oh of course, it's Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

Man, shut up.

What you doing, Tommy?

Me, nothing.

- What's up Kelly? - What's up with you?

You guys stalking us or some shit?

No, we weren't.

I mean, we were just chilling.

We didn't even know y'all down here.

Uh huh.

All right, y'all can come in,

but if Dave catches us, he's gonna freak out.