The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

(IN ENGLISH) Uh, Sweden.

(IN ENGLISH) I'm... I'm... Swedish

but I speak a little English.

We're coming on board.

All are welcome. All are welcome.

Even the little one. He can come too.

Welcome.

Why are you here?

Just a little sailing holiday.

A jolly boys trip.

Take your hands off.

Papers? Passport?

Here you go.

Any other people on the boat?

Just the two of us.

Nein.

Come, come, we have lots to eat...

Take your dirty hands off me!

- (SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN) - (GUNS COCKING)

(IN ENGLISH) Back off!

And you, put your hands in the air!

Ooh! (LAUGHING)

You're in trouble now!

You've been a naughty boy!

I'll give you 100 francs to shoot him.

Don't shoot me!

He hates Germans. You should really shoot him.

I... I'm sorry. You are very scary.

Make him walk the plank.

He loves wood.

Dirty drunken animal!

Guilty as charged.

- (SAILORS SPEAKING GERMAN) - (DRAWER RATTLES)

I always take a can of kerosene

for just these sort of occasions.

It's been a while,

but the last time someone laughed at me when I boarded their vessel,

I gave them the choice.

Either swim to shore

or take their chances on a burning ship.

Hans and I wondered which option they'd choose,

death by water or death by fire.

Oddly, they chose both.

They waited until the very last moment,

until their hair was on fire,

and their blistered skin peeled from their fingers,

before they immersed themselves in water

in the vain hope

of reaching shore.

One of them sank immediately and perished.

But to our amazement, the big one,

he showed great spirit.

In spite of all the odds...

...he painstakingly made it to shore.

We followed and cheered him on

and rewarded this impressive achievement

with a bullet

to the back of his head.

Isn't that funny?

Why aren't you laughing?

- (GUN FIRING QUIETLY) - (SAILORS GRUNT, SCREAM)

- (SLASHING) - (GASPS)

- (MAN GRUNTS) - (GUN FIRING QUIETLY)

- (GRUNTS) - (SAILOR 1 SHOUTS IN GERMAN)

- (GUN FIRES QUIETLY) - (SAILOR 2 YELPS)

- (SAILOR 3 GRUNTS) - (SAILORS SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

- (GUN FIRING QUIETLY) - (SAILORS GRUNTING)

- (GUN FIRING QUIETLY) - (SAILOR 5 GASPS)

- (SIGHS) - (SAILOR 6 YELPS)

- (GROWLS) - (SAILOR 7 GROANS)

(AMUSING WESTERN MUSIC CONTINUES)

Nice work, Lassen.

There's more where they came from.

Yes.

Ah...

Not sure it's working, Lassen.

The captain looks rather agitated.

They're bringing their guns to bear.

They'll find their range soon, sir.

Freddy, should we be worried?

Oh, I don't think so, sir.

It's a rather large explosive, so I set a rather large fuse.

I located the outside of the powder room,

so when it goes bang,

it really should go bang.

Closer...

Should be any second now, chaps.

Freddy?

Good work, Frederick.

Thank you, Captain.

Now, any chance you can tell us what we're doing here, sir?

(ON PROJECTOR) The war in Europe rages on

as Hitler and his Nazi horde sweep aside all in their path.

Poland, Belgium and now France

have all fallen to Hitler's fascist regime,

leaving Britain holding up the final hopes of liberation for all of Europe.

So, come on, Blighty, get ready for a fighty.

But we cannot do it alone.

And any hope for our American brothers to join us from across the Atlantic

remains frustrated by Germany's secret weapon, the U-boat.

These deadly little submarines hunt at will in the North Atlantic.

Undetectable, the U-boat sinks ships indiscriminately,

whether carrying munitions, provisions

or civilians heading from our companions across the pond.

So long as the U-boats rule the Atlantic, it remains impossible

for America's brave troops to reach our shores.

Will Britain be forced to appease Hitler's plans

or face devastation from his offensive?

London burns and her seas run red,

as bombs from above and torpedoes from below

grind the Brits down.

And with no defense against these lethal U-boats,

it appears all hope may be lost for peace in Europe.

- (MUSIC STOPS) - (PROJECTOR CLICKS)

The Germans cut off our supply chain with U-boats,

we cut off the supply chain to the U-boats.

Through our intelligence agents, we've found a way.

(INTRIGUING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

The entire

servicing, repairing, and rearming

of Hitler's Atlantic U-boat fleet...

is operated by two Nazi tug boats...

and an Italian supply ship in Fernando Po.

I need men who are willing to go and sink those ships.

Why don't we just air-raid Fernando Po and sink the ships?

Because crafty Germans, being crafty Germans,

have positioned themselves in a Spanish colony.

Fernando Po is neutral territory.

If we attack that colony,

the rest of unoccupied Europe will join the Nazis,

and it's only a question of time before we find ourselves

frying big pink sausages wearing nothing but lederhosen.

Hitler is not playing by the rules and neither are we.

This will of course be an unsanctioned, unauthorized and unofficial mission.

If they're captured by the British, they'll be thrown in jail.

But if the Nazis find them...

it's torture and death.

Somewhat contentiously, I may have just the man,

but rather inconveniently,

he's currently incarcerated at His Majesty's pleasure.

We may not like his attitude,

but he's bold, he's a killer,

and the men will follow him anywhere.

Are we sure this is a good idea?

Of course we're not.

But we're desperate.

- Send him in. - (DOOR OPENS)

Forward!

- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - (CHAINS CLINKING)

Stand there, Major.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Gus March-Phillips, this is Lieutenant Commander...

Fleming. Ian Fleming.

He used to be at Naval Intelligence, now he works for me.

Why am I here, M?

I have a mission I want you to lead.

Why are you asking me, M?

Help yourself to a cup of tea, Major.

We both know that I'm...

not very popular with the administration.

The reason they find you unattractive

is the very reason I find you attractive.

Mission?

Operation Postmaster.

To neutralize the German U-boats in the North Atlantic.

- And, uh, what's the plan? - (SIGHS)

The U-boats need

- fuel and torpedoes. - Oh.

But they also need carbon dioxide filters for oxygen.

Without them, they can't dive and they can't hunt.

Stuck on the surface, they're obsolete.

Target?

The Duchessa d'Aosta.

She's an Italian ship the Germans have been using...