Family Guy

We now return to

11 Angry Men and One Developmentally Disabled Man.

Okay, the vote is 11 for "guilty"

and one for "kitty."

All right, let's keep talking it out.

Has the jury reached its verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

We find the defendant kitty.

Boy, am I beat.

Peter, what's with the tie?

Oh, I bought a tie so I can loosen it when I'm beat.

Oh, my God, Dad!

Peter, your breath! It's horrible.

Is Whoopi Goldberg working out down there?

Peter, I think what everyone's saying

is that you've got "Dad breath."

What the hell's "Dad breath"?

You know, "Dad breath."

Guys get older, they stop paying attention to hygiene,

their bodies are changing.

It's just a fact that, at a certain age,

men start to rot from the inside out.

I don't smell it. Ha.

Maybe that explains what happened

with that new guy at work today.

All right, so this is Pawtucket Patriot's national distribution.

As you can see, we are predominantly an East Coast beer.

Hey, there's gonna be a quiz on all this later.

I'm just kidding.

Someone said that to me once, now I say it.

Hey, Lois, what do you say we do what Anderson Cooper tried once

before he decided he hated it?

Oh, Peter.

Hi, there.

Ugh! Oh.

Let's do some role-playing.

You're you, and I'm Peter, only with much worse knees.

Oh, my knees!

Actually, Peter, I think I finally want to

make love to a 1950s' spaceman.

Really? You mean it?

All right, let's go!

Good.

Ugh, Dad, it smells like rotting flesh in here.

Take the window lock off! Can't do that, Meg.

I don't trust myself not to jump out the window.

Ah, now this is music.

Oh, my God! Meg, are you okay? Do you need mouth-to-nose resuscitation?

Politics.

Ugh!

Coach is a bum.

Ugh! Bloody hell!

Ha! Beetle Bailey.

Ugh, that's it! All right, fat man, two can play at that game.

Ah! Friendly fire!

All right, that's it, Peter.

We've got to do something about that awful breath.

I'm making an appointment, and you are going to the dentist.

Geez, you are not gonna let this go, are you?

You're as stubborn as a four-hour erection.

Well, she's long gone, so you can go, too.

Oh, no, you got me for another three-and-a-half hours, pal.

Go ahead, seek medical attention.

I'm not going anywhere. You can't stay!

I'm chaperoning my daughter's Girl Scout dinner in 45 minutes!

Well, tuck me into your waistband

and try not to pee up your shirt.

Oh, boy. All right, I think I found the culprit.

This shrimp was lodged under one of your gums.

Wow, that must've been in there a while.

It's been weeks since I ordered from Hurry Up, Shrimp.

Where the hell is this guy?

I ordered that shrimp two hours ago.

Uh-oh, looks like you should've ordered

from Hurry Up, Shrimp.

Hurry Up, Shrimp? Well, that just sounds fast.

On average, Americans spend upwards of 50,000 hours

waiting for shrimp over the course of their lives.

When I heard that, I thought to myself,

"Why on Earth don't these guys just hurry up?"

So that's just what we did.

Come on! Come on!

No way this is the shrimp.

Wow, it is!

Well, I'm very proud of you, Peter.

And since you were so well-behaved at the dentist,

you can order anything you want.

Dad, when do I get to go to the dentist?

When you're older, Chris.

Good evening, countrymen. And women.

Welcome to The Founding Father.

Hey, little guy.

You know, that's a real treasure map you've got there.

Okay, well, I guess treasure hunting isn't for everyone.

Treasure, you say?

Ah, yes. You see, legend has it

that Quahog founder Miles "Chatterbox" Musket

hid his fortune in fear of it being taken

by British soldiers during the Revolutionary War.

He died before he could retrieve it, and left behind only this map.

Many believe his treasure is still buried right here in Rhode Island.

Okay, I'm gonna go do diarrhea,

and then I'll be right back to take your order.

Lois, I know where this is!

Peter, please, that's just a place mat

to distract your children while you're eating.

There's no treasure.

Well, what if there is?

Ah, see? Surprised you with that one.

You see, you see that rock next to the "X"?

I know that rock, Lois. It's right near Route 2.

I'm finding that treasure.

Peter, the map is a joke.

You're being played for a fool.

Like George McFly.

Hey, Lorraine,

whatever happened to that guy Marty from high school?

Don't know. Never saw him after the prom.

Really? Sure you didn't run into him, oh, say, about 16 years ago?

George, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about the fact that our son,

who you insisted we name after that guy Marty,

looks exactly like him!

You think I'm an idiot? That I wouldn't notice

that our son is a dead ringer for the guy who fixed us up?

Mom, Dad, I accidentally set fire to the living room rug!

I am not going easy on him!

Hey, guys, who wants to dig for buried treasure with me?

What? What are you talking about?

Well, this child's placemat is telling me

to dig for buried treasure by the side of the highway. Who's in?

Oh, forget it, Peter. That's crazy talk.

Yeah, we're not going along with another one of your stupid ideas.

I don't have stupid ideas.

Haven't you seen my documentary film?

Each year, the environment covers more than 40% of the Earth.

Every animal on Earth lays eggs.

This is a birch tree. Today it will begin its 10,000-mile journey.

The Earth neither hates nor loves,

but sits, waiting patiently, for people to do famous stuff.

Peter, it's time to come home. You've been out here digging all day.

I told you, this whole thing was ridiculous.

What the hell was I thinking, anyway?

I must be some kind of idiot.

(BOTH GASP)

What was that?

Holy crap! Lois, it's the treasure!

Oh, my God! Peter, you were right!

Oh, no, it's the one kid who also followed the treasure map.

I don't believe it!

There really was something buried out there!

Well, it's not the treasure,

but it looks like it's a clue to where the treasure is.

"Face the circle in the square,"

"you'll see me, I'll show you where."

Interesting.

Interesting, interesting.

Okay, well, if there is a treasure out there,

we don't want anybody else to know about it.

None of this leaves this room, okay?

Obviously. We're not idiots, Brian.

Hey, look! Dad's on TV!

Hello, I'm Tom Tucker, here with local fortune seeker Peter Griffin,

who appears to have found a clue to a hidden treasure.

That's right, Tom, and I sincerely hope

that the caption beneath me doesn't say "Local Fatty."

Let's do something about that caption.

All right, well, you can check out the clue at our website.

We were a little late getting a website.

Quick, Neil! Sign into the neighbors' Wi-Fi so we can get that clue.

Nurse, write down that clue.

And then go out in the waiting room

and maybe start lowering expectations.

Treasure?

Yeah, baby?

Bring me a grape wine.

Peter, what the hell! Now everyone has the clue!

Why would you do that?

Because I'm tired of people saying I don't know nothin'.

Everyone doubted me,

so I wanted to rub it in their faces that I was right.