Derry Girls

# Doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee doo-bee do-o-o

# It's Monday morning It's Monday morning

# Hip hip hooray Hip hip hooray

# Let's get going

# It's a brand-new day

# It's Monday morning It's Monday morning

# Come on, let's go Come on, let's go

# Paint on a smile and start the show

# Dum dum dum dum-m-m

# Oh, Monday morning

# There ain't nothing that I-I-I can't do...

# Doo bee doo bee doo On Monday morning

# Monday morning Oh, Monday morning

# Monday morning

JENNY HOLDS SHAKY LAST NOTE

Lovely.

And I believe you wrote the lyrics yourselves.

Is that correct?

It is indeed, Sister.

Do you ever think you might have too much time on your hands, girls?

Lose the jackets.

OK, just a couple of things.

Firstly, I'd like to introduce Mae Cheung.

Can you make yourself known, please, Mae?

Miss Cheung's family have recently moved here to Derry

so I hope you'll all make her feel very welcome.

It's bound to be a bit of a culture shock, Mae.

Things are done...differently in this part of the world.

But I'm sure you'll soon feel as at home here as you did

back in your beloved Donegal.

Announcement from Jenny Joyce and the dance committee.

"The school social event of the year is fast approaching,

"but before you don your glad rags...

"..and boogie on dow..."

I'm sorry, I simply cannot read this.

But before you don your glad rags

and boogie on down,

we'd like to let you in on our little secret.

We're not actually going to have a school formal this year.

CROWD GASPS

No, listen, we're not gonna have a school formal.

We're going to have...

..a fifties prom!

Wise up!

I know, I know. But I do love a theme.

Sure, isn't that why people call me the Theme Queen?

Do they fuck.

We want it to have a real old-school, retro, vintage vibe.

So, feel free to just go for it!

Feel free to kiss my hole.

# Dreams can come true

# Look at me, babe, I'm with you

There she is.

OK, so I say we just go over there and be ourselves, girls.

Well, not totally ourselves.

We should definitely be a bit ourselves.

We could also pretend we're sort of better than we actually are.

So, I suppose what I'm saying is, we could present

a version of ourselves that's less... Precisely.

Why do we even have to talk to her? Because she's new, Michelle!

Urgh! I hate people I don't know.

And, in case you hadn't noticed, she also happens to be Chinese.

I mean, how class would it be to have a Chinese friend?!

We could keep her in my toy box.

No, we couldn't, Orla.

Oh, she'd definitely fit.

That is not the point.

Fine, but can we agree it's on a strict one-in, one-out basis?

If she joins the group, James has to leave.

Absolutely.

Excuse me?

SHE SPEAKS CANTONESE

Is she all right?

Burning for you, Clare.

I-It's Cantonese.

Right, well, I'm from Donegal and we speak English there.

If you say so, Mae, but I spent the summer in Killybegs

and, seriously? Not a fucking word.

We just wanted to introduce ourselves and...

OK, I think I see where this is going. I get this a lot.

Dull white girls wanting me to join their gang because...well...

Sure.

And I'm actually a boy.

Whoa, she has a really fucked-up accent.

We know.

What's in this for me? What are you bringing to the table?

Cream crackers?

I'm good for cream crackers, thank you.

I'll see you around, girls.

Maybe we don't need a Chinese person, we've already got a lesbian.

Me.

Really? You don't look like a lesbian. What do you mean?

Just that you're a bit...short.

Well, there's no height restrictions.

As far as I'm aware.

Interesting.

I've always wanted a gay friend.

I mean, ideally a fella, but...

Howdy, folks!

Christ.

I'm Jenny, this is Aisling,

we just thought we'd introduce ourselves and see if...

I see.

Look, these girls are great but I do have a pen pal

from the Caribbean, so perhaps my circle is a little bit more diverse?

Back. Off.

Think it over. Give me a call.

Oh, and FYI, the prom queen vote closes today.

FY nobody gives a shit.

Here's the wee ballot.

I see you've thrown your hat into the ring, Jenny.

I had my arm twisted.

But feel free to tick my box.

Dirty bitch.

Well, this prom's going to be a full-blown dick fest.

You know there isn't even going to be a DJ?

Apparently Jenny's hired

this fucking pensioner band.

Christ. Really?

I heard the drummer is at least 30!

I don't feel so bad about missing it now.

It clashes with my thing.

The creep convention? Seriously?

It's not a creep convention.

Well, I think a load of perverts getting together to wank over some

fella, who fights with hoovers and rides aliens in a telephone box,

is the very fucking definition of a creep convention.

It's a Doctor Who night.

Me and my stepdad used to watch it when I was little.

Well, someone should have called social services!

You're not going to the prom, then, James?

Well, I was going to ask you to be my date.

I'm sorry, Clare.

You were going to ask James to be your date?

What the fuck's wrong with you?

Well, it's a bit more complicated for me.

You're a lesbian, Clare, not desperate.

Now, I don't know who to ask.

Tell me about it.

There's at least five fellas that fancy the arse off me

but I just can't choose.

Yeah, that's definitely the same.

I'll be your date, Clare.

But, Erin, people might talk, they might get the wrong idea.

Let them! We need to break down these ridiculous conventions.

Are you sure?

I'd be proud to have you on my arm.

Oh, God.

John Paul's over there.

Christ, but it's been so awkward since we broke up.

For fuck sake, Erin.

He kissed you on the cheek at Kerry Coyle's 16th birthday party

and then passed out in a puddle of his own boke.

Yeah. He missed the boat, all right.

I'm sure the fact that he's poking a model

is some consolation.

OK. Cara is not a model.

She's done SOME modelling.

There's a difference.

I heard she's gonna be on Baywatch.

She's not going to be on Baywatch, Orla. I heard that, too.

So did I.

They don't have people from Derry on Baywatch, OK?

We're just too pasty.

Look, it was never going to work out between me and John Paul.

I realise that now.

Because I'm looking for an intellectual connection

To ride a model?

Oh, my God! What?

It looks like they're breaking up!

Why?!

Jesus, are they really?

Are they breaking up?

They are! They're breaking up.

This is class.

Later!

Erin? What are you doing?!

She has no respect for herself.

And coming from me...

Exactly.

Hey.

Hey.

Jesus Christ!

Sorry.

What happened there was...

..well, I slightly misjudged

the level of my own voice, I think.

You're grand, I was in a world of my own.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Really? It's just, well, I couldn't help but notice that you

and Cara were, sort of, breaking up a bit, there.

Yeah.

Really?

It was mutual.

It was definitely a mutual thing.

Although, maybe she wanted to mutually split up a bit more

I see.

Now I'm just not sure it was the right decision.

It definitely was.