30 Rock

Previously on 30 Rock...

- So you're... - In three weddings

On the same day, yeah.

Fate is telling us we're each other's

Settling soul mates.

I've been seeing someone else,

And I think I'm in love with both of you.

Jack wants me to stall?

So I'm gonna marry...

Japheth.

And we're gonna live in...

Nineveh.

And I'm gonna be a...

Prostitute.

Yes, I continued to see other people.

One person, who apparently you're also in love with.

It's possible. Haven't you ever read Archie comics?

Jack, I got divorced.

I didn't know if you would ever leave mark,

So I let myself fall into something else.

You look amazing in that dress.

You look like a gay mortician in that suit.

You know, Kenneth, I have a thankless job.

For example, I'm here on a Saturday

To show around some Kabletown folks.

Chk-chk! Boom!

It's not real.

Point is, I usually only get to deliver bad news.

But not today.

Kenneth, you are the new...

Junior in-charge boy of the entire NBC page program.

Oh, my goodness!

This is my dream come true.

And to hear it from my best friend in the whole world,

Comma, bald category.

Well, you start in two weeks.

And they'll give you some moving money to help you get to L.A.

California?

I can't move out there

And be away from all of you.

No, thank you, sir. I'll pass.

You can't pass. Jack put you up for this.

If you don't want the job, you have to talk to him.

Fine. I will talk to him.

And Mr. Donaghy will understand

'cause he's my best friend in the whole world,

Comma, beautiful hair category, parentheses, strong.

What can I say, Nancy?

I want to be with you.

I want to take naps with you.

I want to watch you watch a hockey game.

I want to find long red hairs in my overcooked pot roast.

I love you.

I do love you,

Because you know that what I really am

Is a poor mama's boy from Sadchester, Massachusetts

Who had to wear his sister's hand-me-down corduroys.

They were orange and had hearts for pockets.

And you like me anyway.

Yeah, I get it, Jack,

But what are you gonna do about it?

I can't share you with another woman

Like you're that Mormon guy on HBO

Who was in that Tornado movie.

The one with the girl with the forehead

Who was married to that Jewish guy.

What?

I'm a mom. Give me a break.

I need to know right now,

Are you in or are you out?

In. Nancy, I'm in.

Okay.

Then I'm in too.

Paul? What are you doing?

I thought you were going to get

Your hair done for your friend's wedding.

I was, but I forgot my bag of hair.

Is this who you're into now?

Cher?

You're being another woman behind my back?

It's not what it looks like.

Oh, spare me your lame excuses.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned,

But when a girl dates a straight man

Who impersonates her on stage for mostly gay audiences,

She has certain expectations.

Fidelity, Paul.

It's not just the name of a bank that sued me.

But I love you both equally.

I don't know what to tell you.

But you have to choose.

It's her or me.

Jenna, babe, wait.

I'm sorry.

That came out wrong.

Mr. Donaghy!

- Oh, God, Kenneth! - I need to talk to you

About an urgent page-related matter.

God, he came out of nowhere.

We can talk on Monday.

Ms. Donovan and I have an hour between weddings to, uh--

- Tickle each other like teletubbies.

That's how I used to explain it to my kids

When they walked in on us.

But I don't want my promotion, sir.

I want to stay here in New York with all my friends.

I'm not going to let you say no, Kenneth.

This is a promotion for you.

And, yes, it's difficult,

But today is about pulling triggers.

It's about making bold choices.

It's about-- - Two spider-mans fighting,

And sometimes they make weird noises,

But they're not hurting each other.

How often did they walk in on you?

A lot.

If you'll excuse me.

D'oh, bother! Treble bother!

What is it?

My fancy dress slippers.

I left them in my office.

So go get them and meet me at Cerie's wedding.

No. When I was fired,

I vowed on the snipes name

I would never set foot in there again.

Also Kevin in security has a picture of me.

So, what, you want me to go get your tuxedo shoes?

See? Our minds are already one

As our bodies soon shall be.

There's the address.

Of course. You work in insurance.

Specializing in the transportation industry.

Fulfills my boyhood passion for train accidents.

Fine. I'll go get your shoes.

Farewell, my luscious plum.

Oh, son of a--

Why is your face like that?

California? No way, Ken.

Look, you got to tank this promotion.

Do a sloppy job, and they'll leave you alone.

That's how I got out of doing foreplay with Angie.

And my taxes.

That's not in my nature.

If you've learned anything from me,

It's how to do a bad job.

Go. Honor me.

Save yourself.

But first get me a sandwich.

Get it yourself, Chubbs. I'm on a coffee break.

That's my boy.

Oh. I'm gonna hit the ladies' room real quick.

You can never tell when one

Of these non-denominational, goof-around weddings

Is gonna start.

- Jack Donaghy. - Paul l'Astname.

I'm Jenna's boyfriend.

Oh, I've heard a lot about you, Paul.

Well, it's all true.

I'm a native of Houston, and I love to cook healthy.

And the female impersonator stuff.

Oh, sure. Of course.

It's actually been causing some problems at home lately.

Do you think it's possible to love two women at once?

I know it's possible.

But at some point, you have to choose, Paul.

You can't delude yourself with thoughts like,

"what if I could somehow combine them into one perfect woman,

Like a s'more you could take a shower with?"

But how do you know if you've made the right decision?

You don't.

You'll always be wondering

What your life would have been like

If you'd opened that other door.

Like at a haunted house sex party.

Exactly.

Thank you, Jack.

Come on, Jessup. Get it together. No tears.

Everything all right in there?

I'm fine. Thank you.

Here. You need this more than I do.

I never put my mouth on it.

- Thanks. - You look so familiar to me.

Oh, I'm a financial reporter for CNBC.

The hot box with Avery Jessup.

Oh, God, I did.

Oh, that was before I got rid of my Maryland accent.

Does the "o" have it? "o," we do.

Do you "o"? "o," no?

Let go. "o."

Ugh. That accent's idiotic.

Anyway, nice to meet you, Avery Jessup.

I'm Nancy. Hi.

I'm not normally this--ahem--overwhelmed.

I-I came here to talk to my boyfriend

Or whatever he is.

I mean, this whole situation--

Clamp down, Jessup! Be a winner.

Oh, my God.

I can't drink this.

You wanna talk about it?