Fragrant Night

So, did you get the book that you wanted?

Yeah, it's been calling my name for a long time.

Good.

You know that hot dude, Chad? Winston?

Yeah, he's been calling my name for a long time.

I mean, who even has a last name? Winston?

Yeah, it is kind of creepy.

Anyway, so tell me about this book.

Can we read it?

Yeah, I mean, if you want, but it's kind of boring.

So what's the end result of this one?

Basically, you do the whole ritual thing,

and then you kind of get to live for however long you want.

That's actually kind of fucking cool.

Are you going to do it? Yeah.

I mean, it'd be kind of good to know

that you can always come back from, like, an injury or an accident or something.

Yeah, I mean, I'd probably just end it when all of my family passes.

I mean, yeah, you could do that.

Or you could just make a whole new family and live for their century.

I mean, you'd be the oldest person living.

Like, who's the oldest person living right now?

Let me look it up.

Says Gianna Kalman, who was 122 years old.

Yes, you'd be an inspiration to humankind.

Everyone would know your name.

Was real.

I mean, you wouldn't really know unless you tried.

Dylan, it's just a theory, man.

I mean, like, I applaud your passion

for all this stuff, but you know that literally anyone can

write literally anything on a piece of paper, right?

Yeah, I know, Steph, but you don't understand this book.

It's different.

It's been calling for me.

What's your hyper fixation on this whole living forever thing?

Why do you want to do that so fucking bad?

Yeah, well, it's better than living for a very short time.

What's that supposed to mean?

Whatever.

I brought one of those triple lotto seven cards, like the scratch ones, and a cigar.

So I think we should party.

Yeah, I don't really do any of that stuff.

Why not?

You've been seeing me kind of down lately, and I thought maybe it could cheer you up.

Plus, your parents are out a while.

They said they were going to go out of town to fix a relationship or something.

That's bullshit. You know, they're just having sex.

Get over it's.

You, right?

No.

Didn't go well.

I just just feel like my mom doesn't listen to me and my dad

doesn't really give a shit about what I say.

Don't say that.

I'm sure your dad cares about you.

And your mom, too.

Yeah, I wish I could say the same thing.

I'm sorry.

Steph, I have something to tell you.

Yeah, you can tell me.

You know I love you, right?

Like, as a friend? Yeah.

You're my best friend. Don.

I have a heart defect.

What?

The doctor says I only have a couple of years left to live.

Are you serious?

Look, I know it's not the best topic, but I just feel like I needed to tell you.

I don't even know how to process this.

Do you want to come over later and watch a movie or something?

Well, I was maybe thinking we could do that ritual.

Dylan, I already told you it's a myth.

You can't believe everything that you read.

That's why you want to do it, so you can live forever.

Look, Steph, you don't know what it's like

to know that you're only going to be living for a couple more years.

Yeah, all right, I'll do it.

Thanks, Steph.

So it's just us?

Well, actually,

the ritual kind of needs four people, so I was maybe thinking you're popular, right.

Yeah, I've got a few connections.

We'll work something out. Okay.

So I'll see you tonight?

Yeah, see you tonight.

Hey.

Come on in.

We should be here any minute now.

So, you ready for the ritual?

Am I supposed to be?

That I would just, I don't know, bring it fine.

I'm used to it. It wouldn't say that.

I feel bad.

Why is there blood on your hand?

Oh, it's just a runny nose side effect.

Shit. Here.

Cheers. To living long.

To living long.

Is that the back door? No.

Front door rings twice.

Back door rings once. Can you get that?

I'm going to go to the bathroom.

This has got to be the lamest party I've ever been to.

Shut the fuck up, you little PAP smear.

Did you just call me a PAP smear?

What the fuck even is a PAP smear? Yeah.

So is this the crazy guy who brought us here?

Yeah. So?

I'm Dylan.

I've been studying this ritual for a long time.

Well, basically, if we do it properly, you get to live for as long as you want.

What?

There's no way that's fucking true.

I guess there's really only one way to find out.

Can I just ask, is this like a sex thing? What?

No.

Imagine if it was.

That would be so pathetic.

Oh, my God.

You know that really famous actor Eric Griffin?

Like from Murder Mystery with Adam Sandler?

He just sent me a video. Look.

Oh, man, Tanya is funny.

You funny, Tanya.

That just made my Christmas.

Oh, my God.

Dan, stop laughing.

Trying hard not to.

What are you doing? Glenn candle went out.

I'm more concerned about why she has matches in her pocket.

She makes me feel protected.

Seriously, just use a fucking gun.

Look, I missed a hockey game for this, so it better be worth my time.

Yeah, we can start.

We all have to hold hands.

Weird fucking dude.

Okay, so his name is Louis Kingsman.

He was born in 1563 and

basically he had this hand disability and he was sent to war.

And he was killed by this ancient machine gun called the Hustle Buzzer.

There's no way that they invented a machine gun in the 16th century.

No, it's true, they did.

The inventor even killed himself because it killed so many people.

It had way more power than any other war weapon.

That's why it used to be illegal for so long.

You can't even find anything

on the internet because it wasn't supposed to be made up in the 15th century.

Yeah, that's actually exactly what I was going to say.

Girl, it creeps me out knowing that you know that much about this hassle.

Wanker a Hustle Buzzer.

I can't even pay attention in school.

How the fuck do you know all that shit?

Because you're snapping blonde girls all the time.

What?

Whatever, I'm not ashamed.

Okay, anyways, Louie should be right beside me actually right now.

The fuck?

When I say his name, you guys all have to individually repeat it.

Okay?

Okay.

Louie Kingsman.

Louie Kingsman.

Louie Kingsman.

Louie Kingsman.

Louie Kingsman.

Louie Kingsman.

Okay, here we go.

Look, this is crazy.

This kid is crazy.

He's crazy if he thinks this is gonna work.

Where the fuck is my girlfriend? Yeah, big man's.

Right, I'm out this piece. My arm really hurts.

What the fuck is that with my arm still and you fucking bullshit.

How are they doing?

Fucking fuck.

Fuck you. What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Wow.

Well, that was a fucking horrible experience.

Is it weird that I know everything about Kingsman?

Okay, wait, I got it. Got what?

I mean, this all makes sense now.

Louie was born with a burnt hand and look at our hands.

Hold up.

This is a fight to the death, isn't it?

Oh, shit.

I did not prepare enough for this.

I'm not going to be able to. Go to the gym now.

Fuck. We are out here with my arm.

Guys, it's still back. I have my arm.

Remember I told you guys I did it.

I do it's right here.

Right?

I don't know, man.

Maybe a gun is a better weapon.

Quick, easy, kill.

Guns are overrated, Ian.

I mean, only putsies who don't know a fight like real men use them.

Hey, don't call me a pussy, okay?