Anyone but You

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Hi! Where's your bathroom?

It's for customers only.

Oh, okay. I'll buy something.

You gotta pay up there.

Can I just go now? I really have to pee.

I got a large cappuccino for Skyler?

Thanks.

I also kind of...

Well, no, I know

that establishments that serve food or drink must be open to the public,

regardless of their purchasing class.

Sorry. It's our policy.

Store policy can't really supersede state law.

Please, it's an emergency.

Caramel latte for Miranda?

Honey?

About to order. Do you want your usual?

My wife would like a double espresso.

Although you've had trouble sleeping lately, right, babe?

Maybe we should back it off to a single.

You kept the light on till, like, midnight last night.

I did, didn't I?

Yeah, so maybe I'll just have a peppermint tea with two sugars?

Thanks, husband.

Oh, and the bread. It's grilled cheese night.

And she is part of the purchasing class, so can we get the bathroom key?

Thank you.

Thank you. That was really nice.

Happy to.

You know a lot about bathroom law.

It was a short chapter.

Thank you.

I'll have your tea waiting for you.

Can't leave my wife.

Okay.

That's great.

I will...

see you on the other side of...

Halle. I just met this guy.

And, I don't know, there was something.

Well, I know it's been a while, but I'm pretty sure.

He bought me a tea.

And then he might've just stolen my coat, but what do I do?

I don't know!

This is the time that I'm supposed to be meeting people and doing things--

Halle, I gotta call you back.

Goddamn it.

Hot!

Are you okay?

Big time! I am big-time okay.

I just had to pee for, like, the last six hours,

and I just started this new internship,

and I didn't wanna ask anyone where the bathroom was

'cause I didn't want them to think I was weak and not a problem solver.

What am I saying?

Okay.

And, by the way, it is not weak to ask where the bathroom is.

Every human does it. It's very, very normal.

Yeah.

Okay.

Peppermint tea. Two sugars.

Thank you.

And thanks for not stealing my coat.

Bye.

Thank you.

Oh, hey.

- You-- - So are you gonna ask me out now?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I'm Ben.

I'm Bea.

So if we were attacked by giant spiders, you would not be able to protect us?

No, no. You'd be dead.

What? You would let me die?

I'm not gonna let you die. I'm just gonna survive.

I'm sorry. You're right. You're right.

- I was a gymnast. - A gymnast?

Yes, for, like, five years.

I got, like, sixth place on beam.

- Sixth place? - Yes.

- Got a ribbon. - I'm impressed.

Everybody gets a ribbon.

Wait to cool down--

- You saw me take it off the burning stove. - Oh, fuck, that's hot. Oh, my God.

If you're gonna be a lawyer, you gotta understand negligence and breach

and McDonald's versus that lady's ha be as corpus.

You used none of those terms properly.

How do you know? You're not a lawyer yet.

It's not too late to choose a more noble profession.

Oh, like you?

You're right. Stick with it. I'm gonna need a lawyer at some point.

I don't even know if I wanna be a lawyer.

I cannot believe I just said that out loud.

I'm sorry. My life is a disaster right now.

Might be turning a corner.

You just met me.

Or I might end up in a suitcase.

I mean, look at this place.

Looks like every serial-killer reenactment documentary.

Why do you have a giant wrench?

Okay, it wouldn't be a suitcase. It'd be a carry-on 'cause you're zero feet tall.

And my mom gave me that.

She said no matter how broken something is,

there's always a way to fix it.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm talking to you about my mom right now.

All right. Then tell me about that.

That is a long story.

Everybody survived.

Great.

God, Halle. I don't know. This guy is fucking great.

Yo, let's go, Benny. Come on, cupcake. We gonna be late.

S'up, Pete?

No way. You cooked?

That girl you blew me off for stayed over?

He asked me out, and then I kind of asked him out,

and then we just walked around the city and we fell asleep talking.

I don't know. I left before he could wake up.

I don't know why.

Why did I?

What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, I love you. Bye. I'm so sorry I woke you up.

This whole thing is so new to me. Bye.

You got cheese and bread. You didn't miss one ingredient.

What you doing with that?

Why you got the giant wrench?

You told her about your mom, bro?

You don't tell nobody about your mom.

Fuck, dawg. You in love, man.

About fucking time, man.

My boy's in love!

Fuck that. I couldn't get her out of here fast enough.

This girl's a disaster.

She's a nothing.

Pete! Hey!

- Claudia! - Halle!

There we go.

Benny.

Hey, what's up, queen?

Ben, this is Halle, my new girlfriend.

Are we saying that now?

Yeah. Is that cool?

Yeah, I mean, I don't really like labels, but I like you a whole bunch.

I like your friend a whole bunch, and if she wants to put a label on me,

then she can sew it on wherever she wants.

That was weird, that was weird. I'm not into S&M or anything like that.

Unless you are, which would be totally cool. You do you.

Well, she really likes you too. And that is very rare for her.

Oh, look who's talking.

- How's the crowd in here tonight? - Over there, big boy.

Oh, Bea!

You like dumplings? We had the greatest dumplings.

Pete, meet my sister.

- This is Pete. Claudia's brother. - Nice to meet you.

And Ben.

Ben!

This is Ben. We all grew up together.

Hey.

Yeah.

You two know each other?

Yeah. We've met.

Barely.

Wow, that's so random.

I'm gonna grab a drink.

Door's that way if you're looking to sneak out.

- I know that's your thing. - Well, I am a disaster.

Let's go...

Away from this. Yeah.

So you a lawyer yet?

Why? Do you need a defense attorney?

No, just curious how you passed the class on ethics and not bailing on people.

I think that's the jerk Bea got with when she was on break from Jonathan.

No way.

So Bea's the coffee girl who ghosted him?

I thought she looked familiar, but I don't see faces. I just see souls.

At least he made her realize that Jonathan was the one.

- I'm engaged. - Good for you.

Where are you registered? I'll buy you a broomstick.

I'll send you an invite. You still live at 28 Fuckboy Lane?

You do remember. It did mean something to you.

You'll always be my rock bottom. The night I spent with a bitch.

Did she just call him a bitch?

- You think they're gonna physically fight? - Or fuck.

It's a fine line.

Let's just get through tonight for them, okay?

She's your sister. I'm sure the relationship won't last long.

She's your friend. I question why they're even together.

Then I'm gonna get a drink and toast to never seeing you again.

Cheers to that, bro.

So before I pronounce this newlywed couple,

if anyone has an issue with these two wonderful people

joining together in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

- I have an objection. - Leo, don't do this.

I have to, Innie, it's just not right.

There's no way I can bless this union...

without their friends and family joining us to celebrate...