Laws of Attraction

I mean that if you made more effort,

you may get a man to ask you out.

I don't want a man to ask me out.

You know, 80% of women

who say they are too busy to have a relationship,

are really lonely, Audrey.

You know, I don't feel the need to date

just to stay on the right side of a survey.

- And it's bad for your skin. - What?

My skin is always better when I'm dating.

You're never not dating.

And just look at my complexion.

- You, on the other hand-- - I, on the other hand,

have stopped having this conversation.

Oh my God, is this it?

It's an extraordinary townhouse

with a total floor space of 9,000 square feet,

not including the garden.

May I ask what you do?

It depends on the occasion.

And your friend?

I'm just along for the ride.

This view of the dining room

was recently featured in Manhattan Interiors Magazine.

Oh. What was hanging there?

Uh, John Sargent.

Yeah, Mr. Harrison has an amazing art collection.

Too bad none of it comes with the townhouse.

Now if you'll follow me this way.

Now this ceiling was actually handcrafted

by the great-grandson of Charles Thorpe.

That wasn't cheap.

I guess it pays to be the emperor of infomercials.

Mr. Harrison made $30 million off "The Hair Houdini" alone.

That much? Oh my God.

Now if you'll follow me to the main bedroom.

Know what, Sara? I don't think this is the place for you.

It's kind of...

cramped.

- Cramped? - Well, it was all I could think of.

Besides, I had everything I needed.

So, the Sargents in the dining room are gone,

the Cassatt in the living room

has been replaced by a lithograph,

number 139 of 150 run.

Over the grand piano is a framed poster of the East Hampton Film Festival.

Somewhat less valuable than the Sisley that was hanging there,

and whatever those monstrosities are in the hallway--

If they're Francis Bacon, I'm a Jimmy Dean sausage.

Yes, sir...

Mr. Harrison's scam is going to unravel

and I will get millions off him.

But for someone else. See, that's the part I don't get.

- Where's the pleasure? - Winning.

- Thanks for today, Mom. - Shh-- Audrey.

I've asked you not to use that word in public!

That two-faced, lying son-of-a-bastard!

Mary, you know I don't like spouse bashing.

This happens all the time. He may have hidden them, sold them--

We'll find out.

Luckily, I've dealt with Tom Hoffman,

the opposing counsel, in similar situations.

He's a good lawyer, but I'm wise to his game.

Hmm.

What does this mean? Is it bad?

No, it doesn't mean anything.

It just means that your husband has a hired a new attorney, that's all.

His name is Daniel Rafferty.

- I've never heard of him. - Me neither.

He's new in town.

- This makes me nervous. - Oh, relax.

You have nothing to worry about.

A new attorney who has never practiced in New York

will never get up to speed this late in the game, okay?

You have nothing to worry about.

I have never lost one of these.

It's fine, it's fine.

It's okay. It's not a problem.

It's okay, everything's okay.

You're all right.

Okay.

Ready?

That's Gary's new attorney?

Audrey Woods. I'm representing Mrs. Harrison.

- Audrey Woods. - Right, for Mrs. Harrison.

I've heard good things.

That felt nice, by the way.

I realize you're just starting to familiarize yourself with the case,

but I wanted to make you aware that-- what?

Er, you got a little-- right here.

Uh, thank you. Anyway, as I was saying,

um, it has come to our attention that certain assets

accumulated, uh-- accumulated during the marriage

have not been accounted for,

so I have come to what I believe

is an accurate estimate of the-- of the missing--

Snoball.

I don't settle.

I didn't mention settling.

Unless of course you'd like to give me uh...

let me see...

...this.

Which is what I'll earn for this trial-- plus expenses.

Then we've got something to talk about.

- You must be joking. - Gave it a shot. Good luck.

Ms. Woods, is it?

- Hey, Daniel. - Good morning. Good morning.

Good news-- opposing counsel's insane.

All rise. 532 is now in session.

Please be seated and come to order.

Judge Abramovitz divorced... horribly.

Very tough on men.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Mr. Rafferty,

I see you're back on the East Coast.

I told you the California sun is hard on the skin.

Yes, but, uh, I did moisturize as per your instructions, Your Honor.

I'll hear opening arguments.

Your honor, I would like to move for a continuance.

It's come to our attention that discrepancies exist

concerning the reporting of assets-- namely, several valuable works of art.

Uh, may I interject, Your Honor?

Uh, you mean, um, paintings, sculpture, that kind of stuff?

Exactly.

Paintings like this?

Actually, yes.

Like this, uh, Sisley

or this Morisot?

And what have we here? Oh, John Sargent.

Yes, not my kind of thing.

If I was him, I would have given them away too.

Which is exactly what Mr. Harrison did.

All of these. A while ago.

Anonymously, of course, to a very prominent museum.

I'm surprised that Mrs. Harrison didn't tell you about this, Ms. Woods.

See, her, uh, signature's on the donation document.

Right there.

Oh, uh, that reminds me, Your Honor,

um, I'd like to move for a continuance.

I've just been retained as Mr. Harrison's counsel,

and I haven't had time to fully research

all aspects of the case.

For instance, I have a um...

a receipt here...

for six 28-day stays at the Piney Woods rehab center

for Mrs. Harrison's treatment of sexual addiction.

I'd like to get to the bottom of that.

- I'll give you one week. - Thank you, Your Honor.

Six months for sexual addiction?

My therapist was very good.

We have to talk.

It's not my fault that Mary Harrison

has the IQ of a dinner plate.

I'd have found out that Harrison disposed of the art.

I mean, that's why I asked for the continuance.

It's just that this Rafferty guy beat me to it.

You want him dead?

- Oh, Mother. - I meant socially.

I don't know, I've never been up against anyone like him.

He's very un... something.

I can't tell if he just got lucky or he's...

really, really good.

- Maybe he's both. - Thank you, Mother.

What are you eating?

Vegetables.

- Is this Rafferty guy cute? - I didn't notice.

Besides, he's not your type. He's old enough to drive.

Quick, Channel 6.

...In court today were opening arguments

in the divorce of Gary "Gadget" Harrison.

- Channel 6, Mom. - Harrison is being sued...

...at stake-- a reported $97 million.

We caught up with Harrison's attorney Daniel Rafferty

earlier today outside the courthouse.

Well, we do feel that Mrs. Harrison's

monetary demands are outrageous.

After all, it's Mr. Harrison's products

that come with a money-back guarantee, not Mr. Harrison.

That's incredible. He just got into town and he's already working the press.

- And you didn't notice if he's cute? - Shh, call me later.

Quite frankly, after this morning's opening...

She takes after her father.

The prenuptial will stand as agreed.

Mrs. Harrison's case has about as much chance as a...

uh, snowball in hell.

Okay, Mr. Rafferty...

I accept.

Why am I not surprised?

Hello?

Mr. Rafferty?

Hello?

Thanks, Benny.

Anymore arrive, just put them outside my door, okay?

- Oh-- oh, uh! - Hey.

Oh, sorry. Pardon me.

- Wait, wait, I'm walking here! - Hey, you looking to die, lady?

And very kindly stepping in at the last minute for Erin Swedland,

one of New York's most successful attorneys;

first in her class at Yale, and partner at Katz, Cohen & Phelps--

Audrey Woods.