The Untouchables

An article, which I believe appeared in a newspaper, asked why,

since it would seem that you are in effect the Mayor of Chicago,

you're not simply being appointed to that position.

Well, I tell ya, it's touching. Like a lot of things in life,

we laugh because it's funny, and we laugh because it's true.

Some people say, reformers here say:

"Put that man in jail, what does he think he is doing?"

What I hope I'm doing, and here's where your English paper's got a point is,

I'm responding to the will of the people.

People are gonna drink. We all know that. All I do is act on that.

And all this talk of bootlegging. What is bootlegging?

On the boat it's bootlegging, on Lake Shore Drive it's hospitality.

I'm a businessman.

And what of your reputation is that you control your business through violence?

That those that don't purchase your product are dealt with violently.

It's all right.

I grew up in a tough neighbourhood.

We used to say, "You can get further with a kind word and a gun" ...

"than you can with just a kind word."

And in that neighbourhood it might've been true.

And sometimes your reputation follows you.

There is violence in Chicago, but not by me ...

and not by anybody I employ. And I tell you why, because it's not good business.

Leave us alone down here, we've got everything we need.

The green beer you're peddlin' ain't any good.

It's not supposed to be good. It's supposed to be bought.

I'm not buyin' any.

Don't worry about it, Pops, we won't come back.

- How's everyone at your house today? - They're fine.

- Is your Mama well? - She has a little cold.

Oh, she does?

- I'm sorry to hear that. - But she'll be all right.

- There you go. - Thank you.

That's all right, sweetie. You be careful crossin' the street.

- Mister! - You tell your Mama that ...

Hey, Mister! Wait!

Mister! Wait! You forgot your brief ...

Yes, I heard it on the radio.

I know.

Now it's time to go to work.

You'll make a good first impression.

I love you, Eliot.

Now, shoo.

Eliot Ness, Special Agent of the Treasury Department.

- Mr. Ness. - Thank you, Chief.

At the request of the City of Chicago, the federal Government, specifically ...

the Department of the Treasury has inaugurated a programme ...

to deal with the flow of illegal liquor and the violence it creates.

Mr. Ness! Of what does this programme consist?

I and other agents of the Treasury will be working ...

with the Chicago Police ...

Isn't it just another showpiece programme?

- What do you think of prohibition? - Do you drink, Mr. Ness?

- Come on, answer the questions. - It's not just a showpiece.

And I'll tell you how I feel about prohibition.

It is the law of the land.

Do you consider yourself a crusader, is that it?

What qualifications do you have for the job?

Do you have any political ambitions?

All right, boys, I think that's enough.

What are your real plans? What have you got coming up?

You'll have to read about it in the paper.

- Let me ride along with you. - No. Can't help you.

Mr. Ness, Lieutenant Alderson, the Flying Squad.

Are you ready to meet the men?

Yes, I am.

I have one more thing to say.

I know that many of you take a drink.

What you've done before today is not my concern.

But now we must be pure, and I want you to stop.

It's not a question of whether it's 'a harmless drink'. It may well be.

But it's against the law.

And as we are going to enforce the law, we must do first by example.

Are there any questions?

Good. The Department of the Treasury's had ...

a man undercover here for some time now.

We've received word from this informant ...

that a large shipment of Canadian whiskey has arrived in Chicago.

So I hope that you have signed on for some action.

Remember, the liquor cases are marked with the red maple leaf.

The Treasury Agent is in a grey suit with a white scarf.

- He is not to be arrested. - A grey suit and a white scarf.

- That's it. Are your men ready? - Yes, sir. They are.

- At ease. - Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

- How are we doin'? - Okay.

- Want part of a sandwich? - No, thank you, sir.

- You nervous? - No, sir.

- Been with the unit long? - A short while.

- I suppose we all want to do well. - Yes, sir.

A message from my wife.

- You married? - Yes, sir, I am.

Nice to be married, huh?

Just follow me.

- Oh, God ... - Federal officer. Hands in the air.

Get 'em up. Drop it.

Damn it, I can't, it'll break.

Mr. Ness. Look, I was just ...

Geez, I'm sorry.

Listen, I can do a lot for you, what you're tryin' to do.

I get the big scoop, you make a big splash.

Get some support. What do you say? Let's be real, let me help you.

Okay. Just shut up.

All right now ... Let's do some good!

Hold it right there!

Federal officer. You're under arrest for violations of the Volstead Act.

Let's cover the doors! Don't let anybody out!

Preseuski.

- I'm here with permission. - Who gave you permission?

- Mr. Ness! - Sorry, let him through here.

Let him through here.

You want to take your picture, take it now.

- You ready? - Ready.

Liquor, huh?

Get him out of here.

- Tear the place apart! - I mean now, get him out!

That means you, too.

Christ!

Now, what do you think you're doing?

You want to throw garbage? Throw it in the goddamn trash basket.

Don't you have more important things to do?

Yeah.

But I'm not doing them right now.

Do we understand each other?

Okay, pal, why the Mohaska?

- Why are you packin' the gun? - I'm a Treasury Officer.

All right.

Just remember what we talked about now.

Hey ... Wait a minute!

What the hell kind of police do you have in this goddamn city?

You just turned your back on an armed man.

- You're a Treasury officer. - I just told you I was.

Who would claim to be that, who was not?

What's your name and unit?

It's right here.

You got a beef? What is it?

How did you know I had a gun?

What do you want, a free lesson in police work?

No.

Are you okay, pal?

I had a rough day on the job.

- Are you going home now? - I was about to.

Well, then, you just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement.

Make sure when your shift is over you go home alive.

Here endeth the lesson.

$100,000 for 40 barrels. Make sure there are no empties.

I'm gonna give you the ledger, everything is in the book.

55 gallons to the barrel.

- It's Eddie. - Come in, Eddie.

So, he gets into the snowplough, and he says, "Let's do some good".

And then, we bust through ...

- Mr. Ness? - Yes?

I came here to thank you.

It was ...

my little girl that got killed with that bomb.

I'm sorry. Please.

I'm ... I'm so sorry.

You see, it's ... because I know that you have children, too.

And that this is real for you, that these men cause us tragedy.

And I know that you will put a stop to them.

And you do that, now.

- What do you want? - I'd like to talk to you.

Come in.

I need a small group of men, handpicked, starting with you.

Ness! I am just a poor beat cop.

- Now, how can I help you? - Just work with me.

- But why should I, though? - Because you're a good cop.

- How do you know that? - You told me.

If I'm such a good cop ...

How come I'm walkin' the beat, then, at my age?

Do you want to tell me?

Well, maybe I'm that Whore with a Heart of Gold.

Or The One Good Cop in the Bad Town? Is that what you want to hear?

I didn't ask you, and I don't care!

You want to stay on the beat? You do that.

If you'd like to come with me, I need your help.

I'm askin' you for help.

Well ... that's the thing you fear, isn't it?

Mr. Ness, I wish I'd met you ten years and ... twenty pounds ago.

But ... I just think it got ... more important to me ...

to stay alive.

And that's why I'm walkin' the beat. Thank you, no.

That's good, Andy. Let's start up the thing and take a little ride.

I wanna hear that Stutz Bearcat engine, boy!

- Yeah, let me open the door here. - Yeah, go ahead.

Whoopsy daisy, pick up the door there, Andy.

Throw it in the back seat. Now, let me get the thing started.

Yeah, start it up, Andy.

Holy mackerel, Andy! Listen to that Bearcat motor!

Yeah, it sounds like the bear is chasin' that cat all round it!

Andy! She's boilin' over!

- Mr. Ness? - Yes.

Oscar Wallace.

I've been assigned here by the Washington Bureau.

- Really? - Yes.

Well, I'm glad to have you here, Mr. Wallace. Would you excuse me?

We are a little in the dark here, but any ideas you may have ...

Well, actually, yes, sir, I do.

And the one I want to try first ... is this.

He has not filed a return since 1926.

- A return ...? - An income tax return.