Gary Moore: Live at Montreux

Wow, you're really serious about this!

Well, I'm not saying we should.

No, that's... That's not what I'm serious about.

- How would we...? - But what I am... Sorry.

No, no, you...

No, well, I am serious about wanting to fix this.

About wanting us to... to fix this.

And by fix, you mean deliberately cheating on each other?

OK, think of it like this.

When a car breaks down, you don't just...

You check under the bonnet and have a root around,

try to find the source of the...

And then you set about fixing that specific problem.

You don't just go out and buy a new car.

Yeah, I've got to say, it's a pretty shoddy analogy, Joy.

Not necessarily.

Cos... cos what you're talking about it's not... It's more...

What you're talking about is hitch-hiking.

- Or... - It's leaving the car,

our car, our beautiful old car,

- on the side of the road... - I never said...

...and thumbing a lift and, ideally, all things being equal,

getting your rocks off with whoever happens to be behind the wheel.

I think we ought to be buoyed by the fact that we've been able to

get to the bottom of what's gone wrong!

Every cloud.

But, no, do you know how many people

would've torn each other's throats out by now?

Yeah, well, if you're playing that game, have you any idea how

many people would be appalled at the prospect of what you're proposing?

Uh! I'm not denying that.

But you know what? Part of me thinks, well, more fool them

because we have a great marriage.

- At least, I think we do. - Yeah, no.

Yeah, but we... we've worked at it.

But it's hard.

I need to be really clear, I don't... I'm not saying we should do this.

I'm not advocating it, or anything close to that.

But I will say this, I don't feel threatened or

scared at... at the prospect of trying.

Of seeing where it goes.

Or where it might take us, where we might end up.

No, I, I think, I think I know what you mean.

Cos, you know, sometimes, when we're trying, when we're about to...

Get down and dirty?

Yeah, it's as if...

...sometimes I can feel myself having to try.

Erm, it's as if I'm outside of myself, watching.

Watching myself trying to want to want you.

You know?

We've been together a really long time.

And, you know, we might be feeling differently.

And that's... That's OK.

It's the difference between a snack and a meal.

Maybe.

Well, maybe, then, we should, erm,

we should allow ourselves the right to snack.

Or to try, just this once.

Because we know we've always got a full meal at home.

Oh, sorry, that sounded a lot more sordid than I...

It did, but that's OK, full marks for effort.

Would you mind zipping me up?

- Listen... - You look really beautiful.

You don't look too shabby yourself.

- Is that...? - Yeah, I think that's...

- I think that's gone off. - Oh, fuck!

So we're off, heading, heading out.

I'm actually in the middle of making a large charitable donation

to support endangered rainforests.

- Where are you going? - Out.

Oh, out, wow, shit, out, OK.

Specifically?

- Dinner. - Cinema.

- Probably. - Dinner.

- Then the... Maybe. - After...

- Mm-hm. - Depends what's, er...

You two having some kind of mutual stroke?

Right, let's do this, you have my attention.

- Mum and Dad - are going out.

- OK. - Yeah, we're just saying goodbye.

- So, er... Goodbye. - So... Bye.

Do you have any chewing gum?

Er... can you...?

- Got it? - Yup.

Thanks.

SHE COUGHS

So, do you think you'll want me to pick you up?

Er, no, no, don't think so.

Thanks, though.

We're OK, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

- I love you. - I love...

- Bye. Bye. - Bye.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Oh! - Let's try that again.

Oh, shit, one second, sorry.

Hello, Marvin, I'm Joy, how are you?

Good, thanks.

Thank you.

These are the basic top ten, I reckon. I mean, if we're...

...if we're not into any of these, then, er, we could go out or...

Argh, fuck!

Fuck, I'm sorry.

No, it's OK.

Ah, I think I can, I think I can taste blood.

- Shit, really? - Are you, are you...? I'm so sorry.

I think we're all good.

What?

The truth is, it's nothing like it is on TV.

Most missing persons investigations involve teenagers,

often in care, often the victims of abuse, sometimes very,

very severe abuse, running away.

And it's usually the same kids running away, over and over again.

It's also, in truth, so much of the job is now paperwork.

Well, computers.

It's changed so much since I started out.

Even the CPS use call centres now.

Everything's more or less handled remotely.

Would it help if I hummed the Countdown theme?

THEY MOAN

Our Bodies by She Keeps Bees

Where should I, um...?

I, I usually just lob them out the window.

What?

It's too easy with you! The bin is fine, also.

Yeah, yeah, course it is.

I got it. I got it.

Pizza?

The thing is, what most people don't know about Tasers

is that in reality...

GASPING

The thing is, what most people don't know about Tasers

is that in reality...

I'm sorry.

I'm nervous.

I trimmed my pubic hair using a bypass pruner.

- What?! - Antonia's taken all the stationery.

I'm worried I took too much off.

Oh, God! I'm thinking now I haven't taken off enough.

I'm not one of those men.

Good, cos I am not one of those women!

Marvin, this is a lovely place.

I'm not knocking it. Thank you for booking us a table.

- You're welcome. - But, erm,

if there's somewhere else you'd rather be or something else

you'd rather be doing, then, erm, why don't we?

Thank you.

Hi. Hi.

How did it...? How...? How are you?

Good.

Thanks. You?

How was...? I mean, did you have...? How was it?

THEY MOAN

Good. You know.

Fine.

How was...?

SHE MOANS

God, yes, yes, yes!

Same, I think.

Good. Fun.

Would you...

...like to...

I mean, do you think we ought to talk about what we did or...?

Oh, I, yeah, I hadn't... But that's, yeah, that's...

- We don't have to. - No secrets is good.

Cool.

OK.

Well...

Erm, OK, we, erm, well, we had dinner.

I think we were both a bit nervous.

He, er, he ordered steak.

I had salmon with broccoli on the side.

It had almonds on it, was quite nice, actually.

And he had this beer, he was drinking a beer,

a particular kind of beer, we had a little talk about that.

Maybe, yeah, maybe it's worth trying to focus on the actual...

- The sex bit. - Oh, OK. You mean, like...

I don't know, but, yeah, yeah, I wonder if focusing on the...

Rather than going over...

Yeah, just get right down to it.

I don't know, maybe...

No, makes sense. The sex bit.

OK.

Well...

We went back to his house.

He lives alone. He's divorced.

Erm, we, erm, took off our...

We undressed.

In front of each other. Watching.

Each other.

Slowly.

Watching, bit by bit.

Slow, slowly, slow.

And then he started kissing me here.

And then he kissed me here.

And then he kissed me on the, erm...

And then we, erm, lay down.