The League

Honey.

Oh, God, look at my wedding dress.

It looks so big on me. What?

Yeah, I didn't do the fitting beforehand. I was stupid.

Are you kidding?

Everyone was saying how beautiful your dress was.

Hey, guys. Oh, hey.

Hey, baby.

Taco, what are you doing here?

You here to rattle my cage?

No, no, no, I'm not playing this week. I have a buy week.

No, teams have buy weeks. I know, I have a team.

We're playing each other this week. What are you doing here?

- I'm here to celebrate your fifth anniversary. -Yes.

He's here to collect some photos for a very special anniversary gift.

You don't have to do anything for our anniversary, all right, Taco?

At least somebody wants to do something for our anniversary.

He's a bit of an anniversary grinch.

- What? - Yeah.

This guy, no, he's so romantic.

He probably has, like, a huge surprise planned for you.

Don't you?

Do you?

Yeah, it was going to be a big surprise anniversary party.

Honey.

Now, Taco, you've ruined it.

That is so sweet.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry.

I went and ruined the whole thing.

He was probably going to do it at the place where you guys had your first date, right?

Mm-hmm, that was the idea.

Oh, my God, that's so sweet.

Oh, stupid. You know what?

The surprise is kind of ruined. Maybe we should just not do it at all.

No, no, you would have to do it.

No, no, we have to do it. For Sofia.

He was going to invite all your friends and your family.

He was going to rent the whole place out.

- Ooh. - You're going to have, like, a caterer, a really expensive one.

It's like another wedding.

Except slightly more expensive.

Yeah, for you, baby, anything. Yeah, anything.

He doesn't care about money.

He was going to hire me to be the DJ.

No, I was not.

I'll just do a little instrumental set then.

No, no, there will be no music from you in any fashion.

It's okay, come here.

Come here.

: Taco.

Peace.

Ruxin.

"You are all cordially invited."

Completely tacky.

Well done, guys.

Saturday on my birthday again? Unbelievable.

On Jenny's birthday? Perfect.

I don't have to plan anything, I don't have to buy anything.

The night's spoken for.

Yeah, well, I can't take credit for that.

It was all your goddamn brother's idea.

We're playing this week.

He's trying to get in my head.

Very cunning that Taco.

You seriously gonna sit here and not eat a goddamn thing?

Look at this shit shag. I wouldn't eat anything here.

You guys have all like gutter bowels, alright?

I have a very refined, educated bowel.

That's why I'll be going to the Gastro Pub down the block.

*

I don't know what's worse.

*** my phone or that bedazzled bluetooth you have in your ear.

Okay, first of all, these are swarovsky crystals.

And it matches my phone.

You look like gay Iron Man.

- Yeah. - Uh...

I think he means gay Tony Stark.

- Yeah, read your comics, bro. - Yeah, nicely done.

Look, understand that

latest in fashion, design, technology, and my lady likes it.

Oh, by the way, she's my plus one.

Okay, no, you can't just bring some rando girl because you have a plus one.

She's not a rando girl, okay?

She likes me, she's super techie, very cool.

You guys are going to love her.

Oh. The techie.

Yeah. I get it.

What? That explains all the tech gear.

No, I just like this stuff.

Come on, you're a boyfriend chameleon, you know this.

Am not. Yes, you are.

You are so desperate for shared interests, you basically just

adopt whatever hobbies the person you're dating has.

Not true. Not true?

Not true. Lest I bring up Hippie Girl.

Anyone, please chime in. Absolutely.

Okay, all right, you know what?

Starchild was wonderful, all right?

I was Hacky-Sacking way before I ever met her.

You know who else did RSVP? Who?

Is Megan. Ooh.

And she RSVP'd plus one. Oh, no.

So? I think that's, I think it's great.

Awkward.

It's not awkward, it's great.

Oh, yeah, it's great that your ex-wife is going to show up

with a plus one to a party.

I want Megan to move on, okay?

I'm happy for her that she's found someone.

You don't want her to be happy. No way.

You just want her not to sit around 24-7 hating you.

That's part of it. You're being selfishly selfless.

I prefer the term "altruistically self-serving."

Oh, shit, I got to get back to work. Congratulations.

I got to get out of here. Enjoy it.

To the bathroom real quick. I'm not waiting for this bathroom.

Um, I got to race to the office.

See you, guys. Later.

Bye, buddy.

Oh, shit.

Uh...

Oh, come on.

No, wait, no, it's occ... No.

Come on.

Sofia...

You look absolutely scrumptious.

And you look like a Russian figure skater. Oh, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, no, I said bottled water on the tables.

What? Money is not an issue.

How many times do I have to tell these people?

I'm sorry, guys, I'll be right back.

You take care of it, honey, thanks.

Jesus, look at this place.

Do me a favor and say "Happy anniversary."

I will when she says "Happy birthday."

No, you say it first. Hi.

Oh. Hi, guys. Kevin and Jenny. Wow.

Hi, Jenny. You look lovely.

Thank you.

This is the same dress that I wore at my rehearsal dinner the

night before my wedding.

Oh, the night before my birthday? My wedding.

My birthday. My wedding.

My birthday. My wedding.

Five years ago?

Can you believe the dress still fits?

Actually, I had to take it in just a little bit.

I am going to go get a drink.

I will get it... okay, see you over there.

Hey, guys, how's it going?

Why are you eating an ice cream sandwich, Pete?

When do you ever see an ice cream truck anymore?

I had to go for it.

Okay, that explains that.

What is this little...?

Ah, this is my newest invention... Bathroom Cubby.

Got to go to the bathroom, but you got some food in your hand,

something you don't want in the bathroom.

This is outside the bathroom.

You stick your sandwich in there, come back out, everything's clean.

This is brilliant. Mm-hmm.

I won't even chew gum and go into the bathroom because I'll

end up chewing whatever it is I smell in there.

Everybody in the end needs a Bathroom Cubby.

He doesn't need one.

You have been keeping busy, I see.

Hey. Hi.

How's it going? It's really good.

Ted, this is my ex-husband Pete. Pete.

How you doing?

Uh, I got some... Oh, let me ke... Here, get a little bit of

that, little bit of that.

It's a pleasure, it's a real pleasure.

Wow, good, uh, firm handshake there.

He works out.

I've got to say thank you for letting her go.

Paved the way to my happiness. What can I say?

I'm a, I'm a spiritual bulldozer, if you will.

Well, come on over. Happy, happy, happy.

You look gorgeous. Nice to meet you.

Hi, handsome. Nice to meet you.

We have a little gift for you.

All right. Yes.

It's a Nepalese dream box.

Yeah, we just got back from Nepal.

It's something we like to do every night before we go to

sleep... we put our dreams in there.

Cool.

So, anyway, happy anniversary. Thank you so much.

It's a gorgeous gift. I mean... Guys, quick question.

What does that box actually do?

'Cause this one actually is pretty practical.

I got an idea.

Why don't we put the dream locker in the dump locker?

Yeah, there you go. You know what, honey?

Would you like a drink? I'm going to get you a Jack and ginger.

Thanks, babe. I can come with you though.

No, no, no, no. Closure's a beautiful thing.

Thanks for being emotionally above-board and awesome, Ted.