House Party

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Pop: HEY, CHRIS! YOU AWAKE?

BREAKFAST IS ON THE TABLE, BOY.

YOU WANT TO COME DOWN AND EAT THIS SLOP?

IT'D HELP IF YOU WOULDN'T CALL IT SLOP, POP.

IT'D HELP ME, TOO, IF YOU GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE AND EAT IT.

POP! PLAY... I MEAN PETER'S HAVING A PARTY,

AND I WANTED TO...

Pop: CHRIS! FINISH YOUR BREAKFAST, BOY!

YO, MAN, YOU ARE WRONG. YOU KNOW YOU'RE WRONG.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOMEBOYS.

WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO D.J? LIKE YOU ALL OF THAT.

I DON'T D.J. FOR FREE ANYMORE.

PLUS, YOU NEVER PROVIDE TRANSPORTATION.

YOU TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MY TURNTABLES, RECORDS,

AND SPEAKERS OVER THERE ANYWAY.

YO, MAN, I HAVE THE HOUSE KEYS

AS WELL AS THE CAR KEYS.

MY PARENTS... DOWN SOUTH, WAY DOWN SOUTH. WE'RE IN.

LOOK, LET ME RAP, AND THEN WE'LL CONSIDER IT.

YOU ALREADY GOT GONGED IN THE SCHOOL TALENT SHOW.

WHY YOU WANT TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF AGAIN, I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK, I'VE BEEN PRACTICING.

LOOK, I GOT THE DOPE LYRICS.

DEF WOMEN, I'M GONNA BE HOOKING YOU UP WITH.

THIS AIN'T NO TACKHEAD PARTY.

DEF WOMEN LIKE... THOSE.

YOU LIKE THAT? DO YOU LIKE THAT?

I DO, I DO, I DO.

CHECK THIS OUT. IT'S PLAY TIME.

HEY, HOOK ME UP, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, THAT'S A WEAVE, GIRL.

YO, LADIES, LADIES, LADIES.

I KNOW Y'ALL GONNA BE IN ATTENDANCE

AT THE SUPER-DEF, THROW-DOWN JIZZAM OF THE YEAR.

SHARANE, DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT A PARTY TONIGHT?

UH-UH. AT LEAST NOT ANY GOOD ONES.

OOH.

YO, WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T EVEN TRY TO PLAY ME.

I'M NOT BEGGIN' Y'ALL, EITHER ONE OF Y'ALL.

YOU HAVE BEFORE. AND YOU WILL AGAIN.

UH, HEH, LISTEN, YOU KNOW THE ADDRESS.

10:30, AND, UM, YEAH, YOU CAN BRING SOME FRIENDS.

HEY, DON'T... DON'T PLAY.

SINCE YOU'RE NOT IN A SHARING MOOD,

I GUESS I HAVE TO GET MY OWN.

WHILE YOU'RE OVER THERE, GIVE THE LADIES MY REGARDS.

RIGHT.

STAB, I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T GET UP.

I'LL GET YOU ANOTHER MILK, OK?

I'LL PAY FOR IT MYSELF, OK?

YOU NEED A MILK? I'LL GET YOU ONE.

BE RIGHT BACK.

IF I WAS YOU, I'D KICK HIS FUNKY ASS.

DAMN.

YOU... YOU WENT OUT LIKE A SUCKER.

IF I THROW WITH EM', THEN YOU GOT MY BACK?

OF COURSE. YOU KNOW THAT. YOU KNOW THAT.

I'M YOUR MAN.

I'M YOUR... YOU KNOW I'M GONNA TAKE...

Both: HI, KID.

HI.

ARE YOU FINISHED ALREADY?

WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO SIT WITH YOU.

I WAS GONNA GO BACK AND SIT DOWN A LITTLE LONGER, SO YOU SHOULD.

HEY, ARE YOU GUYS REALLY NOT COMING TO THE PARTY TONIGHT?

WHY? SHOULD WE?

WELL, IT'S UP TO YOU.

IF YOU GUYS WEREN'T GOING, I'D PROBABLY SKIP IT, TOO.

WELL, I THINK YOU SHOULD GO.

WE'LL PROBABLY SEE YOU THERE. MAYBE.

Sidney: YOU SHOULD BE NICE TO HIM.

Sharane: YOU STARTED IT. "WHY? SHOULD WE?"

SHUT UP.

SO, ANYWAY, I WAS OVER THERE, RIGHT? AND...

YO, THAT'S TWICE.

YO, YOU CONSCIOUS MONKEY SUCKER,

UNLESS YOU GOT A SERIOUS SLEEPWALKIN' PROBLEM.

WE CAN STRAIGHTEN THAT RIGHT OUT.

YEAH, WE'LL BREAK YOUR LEGS, AND KICK YOUR FUNKY ASS!

YO, I WILL BREAK MY LEG OFF UP IN YOUR ASS SO FAR

THAT YOU'LL BE SPITTIN' SNEAKER FOR A MONTH.

I'VE DONE IT BEFORE.

AIN'T NO THING TO DO IT AGAIN.

LOOK, GUYS, WHY YOU SWEATIN' ME, MAN?

LOOK, YOU'RE WRINKLING MY SCHOOL CLOTHES.

OOH! "YOU'RE WRINKLING MY SCHOOL CLOTHES."

OOH! OOH!

YO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? WHAT'S WRONG?

YOUR MAMA CAN'T AFFORD NO IRON?

TELL HER TO COME ON OVER TO STAB.

I'LL PUT HER ON THE STROLL.

SHE CAN SAVE UP, GET ONE.

Pee-Wee: HE CAN'T...

YO, WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT, MAN! WATCH IT!

YO, THIS PUNK MONKEY SUCKER THROWIN' STUFF AT US.

I SMELL SOMETHIN', MAN. YOU SMELL SOMETHIN'?

I DEFINITELY SMELL SOMETHIN' OUT HERE.

I SMELL, I SMELL...

I SMELL SISSY!

YO, HE'S A SISSY, MAN!

KICK HIS ASS!

OHH! OHH!

OHH!

Pew-Wee: YEAH, HOW YOU LIKE THAT, BOY?

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

OW! OW!

GO, GO, GO, GO!

OHH! OHH!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. OK, NOW, NOW!

OHH! OHH!

OK, FELLAS! OK, FELLAS!

WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY NOW, PUNK?

YOUR SHAOLIN TECHNIQUE IS VERY GOOD.

THIS GUY THINK WE'RE JOKIN' AROUND WITH... WHOA!

YO!

OH, HOMEBOY, YOU ALRIGHT MAN?

YO, KID, WE HAD YOUR BACK.

YEAH, WAY BACKED, OH.

I'M SORRY I ALMOST HIT MR. WILSON

IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE JELLO CUP,

BUT STAB CALLED MY MOTHER A HO, AND I DON'T PLAY THAT.

YOU SEE, MY MOTHER'S DEAD.

WELL, I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, CHRISTOPHER,

BUT YOU CAN'T GO AROUND GETTING INTO FIGHTS

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHIP ON YOUR SHOULDER.

NOW, YOU'RE A GOOD STUDENT,

SO I'M GOING TO SEND YOU BACK TO CLASS.

BUT YOUR FATHER WILL HAVE TO BE NOTIFIED.

AS FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN,

I'M TIRED OF SEEING YOU IN THIS OFFICE.

COULD YOU TELL ME WHY IN GOD'S NAME

YOU CALLED HIS MOTHER A GARDEN TOOL?

HOW MAD COULD HE BE?

MAYBE THE SCHOOL DIDN'T EVEN CALL HIM.

CHRIS, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME.

SIT DOWN. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

UH, WHAT'S UP, POP?

I'M MAKIN' ME SOME DICK GREGORY.

WHY, YOU WANT SOME?

NAH. NO, NO, THANKS, POP.

YOU KNOW I NEED THIS STUFF, BOY.

I GOT A WEIGHT PROBLEM. CAN'T WAIT TO EAT.

HEY, UH, POP, ARE THESE THE ONLY...

PIECES OF MAIL YOU GOT TODAY?

THAT'S ALL WE GOT, SOME BILLS.

WHY? YOU WANT TO PAY SOME?

NO.

WHAT?

HELLO?

BILA? BILYLE?

WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS. WHAT YOU WANT?

HERE, IT'S FOR YOU.

I'LL TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.

WHY THEM FOLKS NAME THAT BOY THAT AFRICAN NAME,

KNOWIN' THEY FROM CLEVELAND?

YO, YO, WHAT'S UP?

KID, HAVE YOU TALKED TO PLAY?

LOOK, I BEEN CALLIN' HIS HOUSE.

AIN'T NOBODY ANSWER THE PHONE.

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME PICK ME UP.

NO, MAN, I HAVEN'T SPOKE TO HIM.

YO, MAN, I'M REALLY SWEATIN' THIS PINK SLIP FROM SCHOOL.

IF POPS FINDS OUT I GOT IN TROUBLE,

I'M DEFINITELY GONNA BE ON PUNISHMENT.

MAN, YOU'RE STILL WORRYING ABOUT THAT?

LOOK, IF YOU AIN'T GOT A LETTER YET...

THEN THEY PROBABLY GONNA 00.

THAT'S WHEN THEY EXPECT YOUR PARENTS TO BE HOME.

I KNOW.

WELL, WHAT DO I DO?

LOOK, JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK TILL