Murphy Brown

So, that's our show. Thanks for watching

"Murphy in the Morning," and remember,

if we can get up this early,

so can you.

And we're clear.

I must've been out of my mind

to agree to do another morning show.

My internal clock is so off,

I never know what time it is.

You think you're the only one having trouble adjusting?

I'll never meet a woman working these crazy hours.

You know, Frank, you should try that dating app

Silver Singles.

I hear that if you swipe left,

it means you're not interested,

but if you swipe right,

it means you can drive after dark.

Great show, everyone!

Really, Murphy? Pajamas again?

Consider yourself lucky, Miles.

I heard that in the last few years of his show,

Charlie Rose didn't even wear pants.

You know,

maybe you should set your alarm a few minutes early

so you're not in such a rush in the morning.

I schedule my time so that I can grab

every last possible ounce of sleep.

I brush my teeth in the car,

I spit out the window on Wisconsin Avenue,

which was a blue state that turned red,

so it's also kind of a statement.

Guys, guys.

Quick reminder, with all these high-tech monitors,

you may not always realize when you're on the air.

So, try to keep the open-mouth yawning to a minimum.

Frank.

Why are you singling me out?

A viewer tweeted this screenshot at 7:30 a.m.

You should really be brushing your tongue, Frank.

Look at the bright side.

Your social-media presence has expanded

across all platforms.

Just a matter of time before you can monetize that.

Really? How much we talking about?

Enough to keep you from stealing

those little boxes of cereal from the break room.

You know, I didn't say anything when you took

that case of printer paper

or the batteries out of the remotes.

But touch my Froot Loops,

and you and I have a problem.

I don't know if I like that kid.

Get used to him. Without Pat,

none of this works.

And he showed me how to block my parents on Facebook.

So, who's up for Phil's? My treat.

What's the occasion? No occasion.

I'm just thrilled that we're all back together again,

and I love my new condo at the Watergate.

Though the other day,

I misplaced my keys and had to...

break in.

Come on.

Oh, guys, I'll be with you in two minutes.

I just have some copy changes

to make for tomorrow.

Ms. Brown,

I'm Addie Abrams, your new assistant.

H-How did I know you were going to say that?

And do I detect the unmistakable aroma

of last night's tequila?

You just got a call from a guy named...

Arnie. Ernie. Andy?

His voice was super loud.

I think he'll call back.

Also, there was another call

from a woman...

about a thing...

- from a country. - Oh.

It's big.

They're into sauerkraut.

Germany?!

Angela Merkel returned my call?

That's it.

I'm gonna need you to be a little quieter.

Oh!

No. False alarm.

Anyone got any gum?

So, Miguel Gonzales,

you are interested in the exciting, fast-paced world

of the restaurant business.

You know how to put out a grease fire?

My parents run a food truck,

so believe me, I've seen it all.

And I see you're in college.

You kids, you love your beer pong and toga parties.

How do I know you'll show up for work?

I need the money.

I have a scholarship, but

it doesn't cover everything.

I still have to pay for things like books, meals,

the border wall.

Oh, great, so you guys are gonna pay for that?

Not that I want it. I just don't want to pay for it.

We'll climb over it anyway.

But not me 'cause I'm DACA.

So, you're a Dreamer? Me too...

as in I never dreamed I'd be doing this.

What, talking to a Mexican?

No. Running a restaurant.

I inherited this place from my late brother.

As it turns out, I'm not a natural behind the bar.

People sit down and unload.

They got fired, their mistress got a lawyer,

they're under indictment for collusion with a foreign government.

Please.

I have my own problems.

I can tell.

Your ketchups are unmarried.

What?

Your ketchup bottles, they're half-empty.

But if you marry them at night when you close up...

next day, it's like you have brand-new botles.

So, you put them together every night?

'Cause I was married four times, and that's not really

a fair representation of what happens.

This better not be the health inspector.

We're closed! Come back at 11:00.

- Hey, Phyllis! - Hey, hey, hey!

For crying out loud,

LeBron would have an easier time

getting into Mar-a-Lago.

- We're starving. - Come on.

Fine, fine, but you have to take your own chairs off the tables,

and, uh, you might have to marry some ketchups.

It's not as fun as it sounds.

All right, look alive.

Those dishes aren't gonna wash themselves.

They haven't in the last four days, anyway.

Thanks. You won't regret this.

Phyllis.

How's the shrimp gumbo?

Tastes a lot like the burger.

Looks a lot like it, too.

Oh, my God,

the nerve of some people.

Don't they know you're closed?

I'm gonna start adding a cover charge.

Hi, Phyllis.

- There you are. - Hey!

Well, look who it is...

Our morning-show competition.

You can sit with us, but just this once.

Yeah, we don't usually mingle with people

from The Wolf Network.

Especially when their ratings are getting

a little too close to ours.

It seems like just yesterday I was changing your diaper.

Well, in a few years, Uncle Frank,

I'll be happy to return the favor.

- Dude. - Dude.

- Dude! - Hey!

So, how's everything going?

How are things over at the old Wolf Network,

or as I like to call it,

the Ministry of Propaganda?

Yes, everything is just fine, thank you.

They're still playing nice with their token liberal,

but get this... so, as I've been doing my show,

I've been all over the country

and I've gotten a real earful from a lot of people

about a bunch of topics, and I started thinking,

"Why shouldn't the average American

be able to be represented

in the White House Press Briefing room?"

So, I pitched the idea to Wolf,

and they gave me their seat at tomorrow's press conference.

- No, they didn't. - So great!

- You're kidding! - Oh, my gosh.

Try to contain your excitement, Mother.

I am excited for you.

I... This is a huge step in your career.

It's just that with this particular White House,

press briefings are a colossal waste of time.

Mm.

You sure you're not saying that because

you've been banned from the White House?

Again?

For getting into a Twitter war with the president.

It was a series of verbal skirmishes...

which I won.

You can joke about it, but we're a new show,

and we are at a real disadvantage

not having a presence in that briefing room.

It hurts our credibility.

Miles, there's no point in going over this.

She's never gonna get back into that room.

Hey, if I wanted to, I could.

Oh, good luck with that.

I hear they're selling "wanted" posters of you