The Simpsons

No, sweetie. That's a deadly glass ball

that we hang where babies can get it.

See? Deadly glass ball?

- Oh! - Oh!

Huh? Todd Flanders? How'd that get on our tree?

Christmas is no time to think about your neighbors.

It's a very interesting story.

A Christmas story of failing and redemption.

Isn't that every Christmas story?

A Christmas story of your father's failing and redemption.

Isn't that every Homer story?

This one also has a secret room,

and it's set six years in the past.

Oh, thank God it's not the horrible present.

What year did it happen?

Oh, you know the year.

The Oscar went to an overrated movie that nobody remembers,

Tom Brady won the Super Bowl

and a public figure had to apologize

for saying something stupid.

- Oh, that one. - That year.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Remember it well.

Okay. So, Homer and I

were going to the office Christmas party.

I had just lost my last adult tooth,

- which they say - is worth thousands. - Grampa.

- This is my story. - Fine.

We were getting ready...

Listen, before we go, I want to ask you a favor.

Don't drink at the office party.

But then it just becomes a meeting.

I'm serious. I don't want you embarrassing yourself at work.

All right. I'll just drink soda.

- Water is healthier. - Not in this town.

Woo-hoo! Kids, get the hot dogs!

Homer, that's not safe.

Marge, it's natural gas.

Marge. Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge.

- When will you ever settle down? - What the...?

Hey, Marge, want to rub shoulders?

Cover yourself up and quit hitting on my wife.

Oh, so now she's your wife.

I've never been at a party where I'm sober

and everyone else is drunk. This is a nightmare.

I know how you feel, pal.

I haven't had a drink in four years.

You're so boring.

He's right. I am boring.

We should give Homer a little help

- enjoying the party. - Mm-hmm.

So, if you're all partying, who's running the plant?

We got a dog that barks when a light goes red.

Ah, it's nice to get close to the workers once a year.

- Are you enjoying your holiday? - I was just watching

this fantastic movie, It's a Wonderful Life.

A tribute to my favorite character:

the conniving, evil banker who ruins Christmas Eve.

I presume it ends with Jimmy Stewart's suicide.

Attention! Attention!

I've arranged for some of the latest hip music to be sung.

Not so fast. Release the hounds!

On, Slasher! On, Gasher! On, Mangey and Nips 'Em!

On, Stalker! On, Vicious! On, Rabid and Rips 'Em!

Good night, Mr. Burns.

Die! Die! Die!

And cool me whiskey.

Homer, we've got to go.

Come on, can't I finish filling my pants with shrimp?

Mm.

Ooh.

I don't know what happened.

What happened is what happens every time.

You got drunk, and you made a fool of yourself.

I don't want you coming home

until I know you've changed.

Good night.

Uh, aren't you gonna get out?

No, just drive me around in circles, please.

Oh, sorry. You have to order an Uber Sad for that.

There, there. Prices are always surging at Christmas.

Where do I go? Where do I go?

Hey. You got to bowl or go home.

Skate or go home.

Go home or go home.

Isn't a church supposed to offer sanctuary?

I'll tell you what. Quote one Bible verse,

and I'll let you in.

Um... "There once was a man from Judaea

who said to my wife, 'If I pay ya...'"

And no.

Please. I have nowhere to go.

Well, there is one person

that takes the homeless, lost dogs,

even grocery bags carried off by the wind.

Oh. I don't know how to put this.

Come on in, my brother.

You, too.

Look, Maude. God blessed us with another mouth

to feed.

More like a sinkhole that likes french fries.

Oh, now, Maude, Jesus said, "Love your neighbor"

even though he never seemed to live next to anyone.

Please, Ned. I'm due any day.

Maude, when I look in that man's face, I see Jesus.

When you look at everything, you see Jesus.

I bet you're seeing Jesus right now.

I love you so much.

Put him in your man cave.

Man cave?

My Son of Man cave.

The Wi-Fi password is "sinners burn in hell."

The second "S" is a dollar sign.

The first "L" is a one. The "E" in "sinners" is a three,

but the "E" in "hell" is an "E" for "eternity."

I'll just use my data plan like an animal.

You ate the Christmas ham.

And it wasn't even cooked.

Wait, wait. You were saving that?

It was still in the plastic.

That was plastic? Uh-oh.

I know it's tough, Marge,

but you're doing the right thing.

Just like I raised him.

Punish, punish, punish.

And after it's much too late, love.

It's not just this one thing.

It's a pattern of constant disappointment.

You must see it. You live with us temporarily.

What do you mean, "temporarily"?

Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

Have a good night.

Oh, I can't take this place.

Ooh!

Aw.

Even my peripheral vision is betraying me.

So, wife threw you out, eh?

- Yeah. - We've got a nice, warm bed for you

in the lake of eternal flame!

A house by the lake? I could get some writing done.

In the lake.

Oh, thank God. Any excuse not to write.

Kill me.

Hey, hey, kids.

Especially the little ones.

Here's an all-new Itchy & Scratchy.

Parental discretion advised.

But if they were around, you wouldn't be watching.

Ah!

Ah!

Where's Daddy?

Um, he-he won't be back for a while.

It's okay. I love Bart.

I love Bart. I love Bart. I love Bart.

And I love Lisa.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Oh, that's wonderful.

We can still have a nice Christmas,

- even without your... - Daddy's back.

Daddy's back.

Look at that hat. He must be a millionaire.

Okay, it's time to go to bed.

We'll have fun tomorrow.

See? Even without Daddy, it's Christmas at the mall.

Please give something.

I'm about to be the first person ever dishonorably discharged

by the Salvation Army.

Aw, that was a real beard.

Can I get these for me and Daddy?

I'm not sure Daddy will be back by Christmas.

Ooh, I smell marital problems.

A salesman's dream.

Little boy, if she doesn't buy it,

she doesn't love you.

Really? And do you have a happy homelife?

Why, ye... No.

Aw, poor fella. I know what'll cheer him up.

Homer, would you like to say grace?

I'd rather just eat.

No grace?

Then I'm gonna let my hair grow natural.

Homer, please.

Honor the Lord until we're all bored.

Dear God, how you doing?

I know your son's birthday's coming up.

Oh, with his mother, you say?

Oh, that's too bad.

Now, Homer, in this house, grace is personal, pious,

and at least 500 words.

Fine.

Thank You, O Lord, for my wonderful home,

which I'm not in.

And my beautiful family, which I can't see.

I mean, Flanders is great and all,

but even you must think he's kind of a jackass.

What's a jackass?

It's a silly person, Roddy.