Secret Headquarters

Command, this is Captain Irons.

I got a visual on a UAP in close, bearing 310.

Roger, Irons. We don't see anything on the scope.

I've never seen anything maneuver like that.

Turning inland towards the park.

Our scope is still clear. Does IFF show us blocked?

Negative, that's moving too fast.

Permission to engage now.

Disengage and back off, Irons.

Repeat, do not engage.

Acknowledge.

No can do. I need a closer look.

Too much mustard. I thought we were friends.

We are friends.

What are you doing?

I hit him with a little too much mustard.

Yeah, you think?

I wish I could make him laugh like that.

What can I say? Daddy's boy.

Key to his heart is fake pain.

Come here, Charlie. Come on.

It's okay, honey.

It's okay. It's okay.

Here, stay with Charlie and call 911.

Jack, come on, stop.

What are you doing? The nearest town's an hour away.

If I don't try to help, who will?

It's okay, I'll be right back.Okay. Okay, go, go.

Yeah, it's probably just fireworks.

God. I'm sorry.

You okay? Sorry, I didn't see you. Hey.

You all right?

Hey. What's your name, buddy?

Irons.

What?

Captain Sean Irons. U.S. Air Force.

Are you alone? What happened?

No, we had a collision.

Collision?

With what?

Are you sure you're okay?

Is that a... UAP.

What? Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon.

UFO wasn't working for you guys?

I've been waiting a long time to see one of these up close.

This technology's gonna change everything.

Hey, there's something moving.

Analyzing planet.

Guardian denied.

Guardian accepted.

Pairing.

Self-destruct initiated.

Watch it!

Come here.

Analyzing planet.

No one has claimed responsibility

for tonight's daring rescue of 15 kidnapped schoolgirls.

But eyewitnesses report

yet another sighting of the hero dubbed The Guard.

Crime rate is actually going down.

Overall crime has dropped four percent.

Hey, Daddy! Come play catch with me.

Look, I'm sorry. How about next week?

I can't do this anymore, Jack.

Charlie, we're still a family.

In breaking news, another possible Guard sighting.

The Guard is using alien technology.

The laws of thermodynamics and physics just don't even apply.

And I can find the power source, but I need resources.

Looking at you, Ansel Argon, CEO of Argon Industries.

You messed with the wrong superhero.

Bad guy, you better say your prayers.

Charlie? Guard's gonna kick your butt.

Charlie!

You're up.

The nuc... No.

Well, my presentation isn't about any of these energy sources,

it's actually about a new one,

which happens to be

the world's greatest hero, The Guard.

No.Charlie, how is this relevant?

Everybody's talking about how The Guard

stopped that nuclear meltdown in India, right?

Or how he saved those kids in Taiwan,

or stopped that jet from crashing in Brazil.

But nobody's talking about how he did it.

He's got some kind of new energy source,

and it's not any of these...

Uh...

Hey. Am I at the right place?

You must be Maya Monroe?

Class, this is our new transfer student from Turkey,

so please do not mock any strange customs that she...

She used to go here.

Whatever.

Miss Monroe, take a seat.

Charlie, you can continue, and please

bring this back to the subject at hand.

What? I don't know.

Finally. You know what?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Test tomorrow.

Berger! Berger! Berger!

My parents are so embarrassing. Berger! Berger!

At least your dad shows up.

Mine's at a never-ending IT conference.

Look. BERGER: Hey.

Lizzie with Maya. Nine o'clock.

So my elementary school BFF just showed back up

after, like, years of traveling the world.

So jealous.

What's your at? I'm not on social media.

What?

Okay. Well, what are your interests?

Um, lock picking, Norwegian Death Metal

and I can field-strip an M4 blindfolded.

Okay.

You ask Lizzie to the dance yet?

Not yet.

Women like it when you leave things till the last minute.

Where'd you hear that? Yo! Berger...

Mom wanted me to bring you your fan, so, here.

Take it.

You ever think about how you call him Berger,

but that's your last name, too?

That's why I go as Big Mac, because, uh,

I'm the tastiest Berger.Okay.

Wow, this is a real blowout.

Let's go, Forrest.

Charlie Kincaid.

Uh, Coach? I think you, um,

accidentally said my first and last name?

You're in. We need a lefty.

Man, that's a big kid.

Who is that?

That's Forrest Deal.

They call him "The Sequoia."

Now pitching is Charlie Kincaid.

Crafty Kincaid, look alive.

Come on, Forrest! Let's go!

I heard he bullies his own parents.

Good luck, Charlie.

I heard that his stare is so deadly

he can't even look himself in the mirror.

Let's go, Charlie! You got this.

Didn't know this was the Peewee Leagues.

Didn't know they allowed steroids in middle school.

Come on, Charlie. BERGER: Please don't kill my friend.

All right, let's go, Forrest. Crush it.

Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!

Ooh.

That's gonna leave a mark.

Charlie. His mama gonna be mad.

This song again? Can we just change...

No. No, we can't.

Plus we all know this song's a classic.

No one knows that. CHARLIE: Oh, God.

No, okay, well, my car, my music.

All right? My life is over.

Uh, that's 24.

That's right on the fence. You wanna go for it?

Nah. They're just kids. Let 'em go.

I hate kids.

Even my own.

Bye, Charlie.

But eyewitnesses report yet another sighting of...

What? ...The hero dubbed The Guard.

Once again authorities have found no fingerprints and no other evidence

with the exception of strange patterns left on the scene. Now a trademark...

Hey. How was the game? ...Of Guard's sightings.

Another Guard sighting? Yeah.

What is The Guard exactly?

Is it a lone vigilante or...

Hey. Did you pack a bag for your dad's yet?

We both know he's gonna cancel.

Hey! Hey, Jack. Hey.

Joining us tonight is Ansel Argon, CEO of Argon Tactical.

His business has been uniquely impacted by the so-called Guard,

who has ushered a new era of peace

leaving many countries to...

Yeah, I saw.

Your company, Argon Tactical,

recently reported operating losses

for the first time in 13 years, so...

That's not true.

I think it is. No, that's definitely not true.

Just push it to next week, the celebration.

Jack, come on, I'm...

I'm sorry. Don't do this to me today.

I am so sick of all these excuses.

I'm sorry. It's my job. All right, well...

I'm dropping him off at 6:00, so you better be there.

Okay.Okay. Yeah, bye.

Let me guess. Another "IT conference"?

Rescheduling for next month?

No! He's really excited to see you tonight.

I bet he doesn't even remember my birthday.