Mind Games

Hi. It's Beth.

But it's not.

Leave me a message.

Clark: Hi, Beth. Hello.

Oh, it's Clark.

I should have said that. Clark.

I really think if you called me back and we talked,

this could all be fixed.

I'd feel a lot better.

You know what? I think you'd...

you'd feel better, too, if we just...

Clark! I got to go.

I miss you. I I... go... goodbye.

Who was that?

N-no one.

Literally not talking to a person. Just practicing.

I need you focused!

You realize this is the last investor willing to talk to us.

Latrell worked this guy's assistant

for a month to get us this meeting!

I've had a breakthrough!

You ready for this?

We lead with our weaknesses.

That's your new strategy, huh? Hey.

Studies show that you're judged to be more likeable

if you begin by admitting your faults rather than waiting.

We'd be better off making up things to admit to

than appearing to be perfect.

Oh, I highly doubt we have to worry about appearing perfect.

Yeah.

Was that Beth? Huh?

Were you on the phone with Beth?

Yeah, I was just... Clark, you got to stop.

You've had other women... oh, no, no, no.

Not like her. Not like her.

Ross, you're killing my mojo here!

Can we do this later?

Because right now I want to shake the money tree!

Let's dominate! Come on.

Pssh!

Let's go.

Is there a level just below "dominate"?

Ross: The more my brother and I discussed it,

it became very clear that in the right hands,

these little observations about human nature

that had just been laying around in academic journals

could be turned into very powerful tools

capable of doing nothing short of helping decide

who becomes the next leader of the free world.

And that got us thinking...

what if you could use this vast body of knowledge

to help people manipulate

the most important moments in their lives?

What if... what if, Ted?!

What if we started

the way that we agreed we were going to start,

which is by saying that I'm severely bipolar,

my academic career recently imploded

when the university became aware that I was having an affair

with a 22-year-old undergraduate student?

Also, Ross here just finished a two-year stint

in a minimum-security prison for fraud.

Okay, there's that.

Now, the point is, we're not hiding anything,

even though by not leading with it...

which we agreed to...

it makes it seem like we are.

We're not. Because we have nothing to hide.

Because this is an incredible opportunity.

You want to play "what if," Ted?

What if you just need help

finding that job you always wanted

or to make sure that your company

is chosen for that billion-dollar contract

or that your daughter doesn't marry

that dirtbag, freeloading musician

that she's threatened to run off with?

What if instead of leaving all the big moments to fate...

...We manipulate them

with 60 years of research into human behavior?

Stacking the odds in your favor

so that when it really, really mattered,

you came out on top?

So... Let me get this straight.

You're offering me an alternative to fate?

Yes.

Okay. Sure. I'll take two.

There you go!

Now we're cookin'!

Yeah.

Clark is a world-renowned expert

in human behavior, psychology,

and motivation, and from that knowledge,

he's able to tailor a plan to influence any situation

so that at that critical life-altering moment...

thank you. Shh.

Ted, you lost a, uh, shareholder revolt

that you were trying to lead last year, right?

Well, we could have won that for you.

So, you're saying that you could have constructed

a better argument for replacing the board?

Yes. No... I could have replaced the board

without knowing anything about your argument.

I saw the clips of your presentation... class "a" dividends.

Hell, I don't know if it was a good argument,

but I do know that you're short,

and you're balding, you sound a little effeminate,

and pointy shoes make you look like an elf.

Ted, I know that you lost

when you stood up on the far-left side

of the conference room, Ted.

No one important is wearing pointy shoes

on the far-left side of a room, Ted, ever... ever!

Don't you get it, Ted?! This is how people work!

We don't listen to each other.

No one's listening to you. No one's listening to me.

We don't hear.

We react to a million little things

that we're not even aware of.

The mind's full of jedi mind tricks

and back alleys and secret passageways.

Sit. But... but if you know what they are, you...

watch this. Watch this!

Clark, stop. Stop. No, no, no.

Stop. Stop. Clark, no, no, no, no, no!

Please don't move the desk! No!

We can assert his power using only his feet. Please.

I'll show you. Here... back up. No, no, no. Wait, wait.

No, no! Stop! Stop moving around! Stop!

Find me a female! Any female! Go! Go!

Stop. Stop. Stop. He looks like he's fine.

Clark, Clark! Get your hand off his foot. Take your hand off my shoe!

No, no, no! Aah!

Ooh!

Oh, my God.

Oh.

I think I'm beginning to get

an idea of why you're having so much trouble

getting this business off the ground.

Look, it's gonna take some time to educate...

Look, your brother has a stunning résumé for academics,

but come on... this is real life.

And let me tell you something... in real life,

the guy that you needed to get money from

is gonna have to call a cleaning crew

after you finish your pitch!

So, I think I'll just wait for the next bus

into this brave new world.

Captions by vitac ...

I can't take the drugs, Ross! Okay?

It's like when you go for a jog and you got the headphones on

and the great music's playing

and it's like life has a soundtrack.

And then you take the headphones off,

and then suddenly, everything's flat and dull!

Look, drugs stop the music.

Music is where all the ideas come from.

I can think of several ideas

we could have gone without in that meeting.

That's all. Yes, okay.

But my condition

highly correlates with creativity,

and some of the greatest minds in history have been...

we're not talking about history.

We're talking about right here, right now, where we just blew

our best possible chance to get some money in this...

we didn't get it. No, latrell.

I blew it. Is that what you want to hear, Ross?

I was just suggesting that you... hey, this is serious.

Does it look like I'm taking it lightly?

I called every contact I had left

and practically offered to mow their lawn to get you in there.

The landlord is ready to lock us out.

Ted was our lifeboat. We needed Ted.

Miles, you were a very promising graduate student.

You shouldn't have followed me here.

I don't understand.

Did you talk about a dominance display or...

Um, I talked about a lot of things,

and then I remember trying to take off his shoes.

Why did you try to take off the man's shoes?

I was gonna demonstrate

how putting his feet between himself and a female...

Miller-barre study.

Miller-barre! Exactly! Miller-barre!

But I didn't say "Miller-barre."

I ripped off his shoes,

and I knocked over his marbles.

Marbles?

You said you could control him.

He's just in an up phase right now.

When will he come down?

We don't want down.

Well, what do we want?

Someplace in the middle.

Look, it's not an exact science.

Where were you last night?

What... are you checking my place now?

You had that on yesterday.

Oh. Funny story.