All Relative

The french, they have it all figured out, right?

I read this article online, actually an in-depth blog,

and it was saying how they consistently have better,

more-fulfilling relationships than americans

because they aren't so... so goal-oriented

when it comes to love.

They don't judge a relationship based on the final outcome.

They value the actual journey.

- Look, dude. You can't keep beating yourself up over what happened.

I broke up with her, jared.

It's been over a year.

I give you permission to knock the dust off your schvantz.

And now you speak yiddish?

- Motherfucker, I was bar mitzvahed.

Shit, man. At least you got that ring back.

That's pretty key.

You didn't get the ring back.

I don't want to talk about it.

- Yeah. - You're a disgrace.

- Yeah, I'm just getting warmed up.

Dude, come here. Come here, come here.

Check it out. Right there.

She's checking you out. She's checking you out.

Hey, go over there and ask them to bowl with us.

I'm... dude, no.

Dude, would you...

s-she's checking you out again a second time.

She checked you out again!

- She's scanning the room. Just let it go.

- Dude, she is not scanning the room.

Dude, if you don't go over there, I will.

Do it right now. - I'm not... dude, stop it.

Let it go. - No. Here she... here she comes.

- Are you serious? - She's right...

- hey. - Hey.

- Um, I was just wondering if you had an extra 12-pounder.

- Um, well, I-I just have this one,

but we can share it if you want.

Or you know what? Just take it.

Oh. No, don't worry about it.

You're kind of on a roll here, so...

Thank you.

- I'll look for another one. It's fine.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Sorry. - Thank you.

- No, it's okay. - Yeah, sorry.

Hey, you guys

should totally join us for a game of bowling.

We're just by ourselves here in this big lane.

Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be fun.

- Awesome. - All right.

Okay, yeah, cool.

- Are you gonna buy us a drink if we win?

- You know, we'll buy you a drink anyway,

because chivalry is still alive, believe it or not.

- Oh. All right. - Yeah. I like that.

- Oh! - Yeah!

Okay, okay!

We can work with that. We can work with that.

All right, take a deep breath.

Aah!

Oh! - Oh!

Oh!

Um, well, this is me.

Nice.

- Thank you so much for walking me.

Yeah, no problem.

I had fun... Tonight.

Yeah.

- We should definitely hang out again.

Um, yeah.

I mean...

Ugh.

I should have told you this earlier, but, um...

I'm seeing someone.

Well, we've only been on two dates,

but, um, I did promise him a third.

- I-I think we should go on a date.

What's the worst that could happen?

Come on. - Just give me your phone.

Sure. Think about it.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, bye. - Bye.

Mm.

- Good night. - Good night.

Dinner.

- As friends. - Yeah.

Bye.

- You know, what's funny is a month ago,

this would have been a different story.

She promised this guy a third date.

Ugh. I'm unlucky.

It's like every girl in this town,

they're playing a game, you know?

And the hotter the chick... pbht!

The crazier the game.

I'm good, man.

This one's on her.

Thanks.

I, um...

I usually don't drink alone.

So don't.

I'm harry.

- I'm maren. - Hi, maren.

So... Maren.

Do you stay at this hotel?

Yeah. I'm here for the weekend.

Doing some open houses.

I live in westchester.

Wow. That's pretty fancy.

Yeah.

But I get to see my kids when I'm in town.

Your kids?

You don't have kids.

You have three kids. She has three kids.

Wow.

- One's in college here in the city.

- Were you pregnant in middle school?

Oh. Cute.

I bet you say that to all the moms.

You divorced?

- Hey, you know what? It's his loss.

So, harry...

Why are you drinking alone?

What?

Mm.

Mm.

- Okay. I have a confession to make.

- Really? What? - Yeah.

It's been a year since I've had sex.

Whoa. You married?

What?

No, no. No.

Um...

My fiancée cheated on me.

Awhile back.

Okay.

We'll go slow.

Mm?

Want to hand me that glass?

I have a confession to make, too.

What's that?

I'm nervous, too.

- You're nervous, too? That's good.

That's good. Nervous is good.

You want to try something fun?

Okay.

- It's like in high school. Remember?

- I did not do that in high school.

You didn't?

- Well, we went to different schools, probably.

Yeah.

I went on a date tonight.

My first in a really, really long time.

And, um...

It was with this guy I hadn't seen since college.

You know how things get built up over e-mail and text?

And... and we met. It was weird.

Why was it weird?

Well, let's start with... Size.

Was he, like...

50 pounds heavier than...

- oh, I was thinking something completely different.

- That's when I should have left, right?

But I stayed,

and he started sucking my fingers at dinner.

Who does that?

Hey.

I want you to know

that not every guy out there is gonna be like him.

You know, we're not all flabby, dishonest...

Finger sucking at the dinner table weirdos.

Let's not put any pressure on tonight.

Whatever it is is what it is.

- I'm so confused. I set it all up for you.

I just can't believe you didn't nail her.

- I walked her home. I actually liked her.

It's always about nailing somebody.

Why do you always have to nail somebody?

Okay.

Then you went out han solo,

nailed a new chick after getting rejected.

- It's different, and I wasn't rejected.

We... you know, we... we parted amicably.

- You at least make out? - No.

But...

We're supposed to go out to dinner.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And that relationship's dead.

- You think so? Why do you think it's dead?

- Have you ever successfully dated a girl

where you didn't get some small kiss

or some inkling of progression by the night's end?

I got her number.

Meaningless without a make out.

But you know what? Tell me about the second one.

I don't know.

The sec... the second one was a one-night thing.

It was... it was nothing.