Pootie Tang

We have with us today, a man who scarcely needs an introduction.

Pootie Tang, good to have you with us.

Sepatown.

You've had incredible success in lots of fields,

music, films, martial arts, pottery.

How do you do it? What makes you tick?

Well, Bob. I'm a pone tonie.

Got my dillies on a peppatain.

I hear that.

Pootie, a lot of young artists say you are their inspiration.

Well, I can't say the nay no, my brother. Wa-da-tah!

You've got a new movie coming out, right?

Yeah. It's called "Sine Your Pitty On The Runny Kine".

And who's in it, besides yourself?

There's Trucky, Bad Bitty, Dirty Dee...

...Lacey, J.B...

...Biggie Shorty...

and Robert Vaughn.

You have a clip you'd like to show us?

Let's take a look at this clip from Pootie Tang's new movie:

"Sine Your Pitty On The Runny Kine".

It was the year 2001.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

The big city was thriving, but the inner city was dying.

Who was killing it?

This man, Dick Lecter,

head of Corporate America.

But the people had hope,

because there was one man who could fight the power.

One man who could stop the madness.

One man who could beat Dick Lecter like the LAPD.

That man... that man was Pootie Tang.

See that guy? That's Bad Bitty,

the baddest drug dealer in town.

Hey, Bad Bitty, here comes Dirty Dee.

Dirty bastard!

That's Dirty Dee,

the dirtiest dude around.

He handles all of Corporate America's dirty work.

Next to Dirty Dee... that's Froggy, the enforcer.

Yo, Bad Bitty, how you been?

I'm bad, Dirty Dee. You're still dirty, I can see.

Lets deal, baby.

- You got yours? - Froggy.

Dirty money.

You got yours?

How do I know if they're any good?

Let's test them out.

Hey, kid! Come over here.

That's Kid, the dumbest kid in town.

What do you want, mister?

Here, have some of this.

Is it candy?

- Told you. - Yeah.

It's the kind of candy that you smoke out of a pipe.

Pipe candy!

Pootie Tang!

Capachow.

Yeah! Pootie Tang!

Dirty Dee, you a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai.

Get that Pootie!

That's a canapan, all the way down.

Mother...!

Shut up, bitch.

OK, I quit.

Run, Pootie, run!

Come on!

Get out, get out!

Hiya, Pootie Tang.

Sa da tay!

Pootie Tang was born in a small town outside Gary, Indiana...

...and that town was called Chicago.

Everyone noticed something different about the way Pootie would talk.

It baffled everyone... doctors, scientists...

Let me put it like this.

Pootie Tang is, was and will always be too cool for words.

Pootie Tang was the most popular kid in town.

We didn't always know what he was saying, but we knew what he meant.

I knew I was his best friend. That's me, Trucky.

He had a special effect on people, especially the ladies,

not girls, grown ass-women.

- Hiya, Pootie Tang. - I'm a tine cappy, my damie.

Wa-da-tah.

All right, Pootie Tang.

But for some of the ladies, Pootie was too hot to handle.

Damn you, Pootie Tang. I can't take no more of this.

Who do you think you are, treating me this way?

I've had it with you, you hear me talking?

This is it, I'm finished with you. Stay out of my life.

You think I'm joking? Take your shit and get out!

Pootie Tang, I'm sick of you.

Pootie... Pootie, don't go!

Pootie Tang was an only child.

His father, Daddy Tang, worked hard to raise Pootie right.

He had this belt. He was so fast with it

that before Pootie could do wrong, Daddy Tang would set him right.

Don't grab those peas without asking your mama.

May I dane on the cammies , Mama Di?

Yes you may, Pootie Tang.

That's better.

You got to have respect to get respect, Pootie Tang.

So, do you have any girlfriends at school, Pootie?

Mama Di, there's a sine tipi tai in a a classi ti , she's a solo toni.

Don't you talk dirty to your mama, boy.

Always got your head in them girls.

Put your head in the books and leave the ladies alone.

And that's how it was. Daddy Tang and his belt were always there

teaching Pootie the difference between good and bad.

When I say he was always there, I mean he was always there.

Pootie, let's steal some apples.

When Pootie was six, his mother died,

leaving him and his father alone. Pootie was very sad.

I know, son.

But his father was a comfort to him.

Don't slurp your soup in here, boy!

Two weeks later, another terrible tragedy.

His father was fatally injured at the steel mill.

It was incredible.

Only the third time a man had been mauled by a gorilla at that steel mill.

On his deathbed, Daddy Tang had Pootie make a solemn promise.

Pootie, I know I brought you up tough,

but that's cos I love you.

It's tough out there, Pootie.

You've got drugs...

...crime... gorillas.

I ain't gonna be here much longer. So, I'm gonna give you this.

Pootie, that's my belt.

As long as you got right on your side, you can whip anyone's ass,

with just that belt.

I know you love the ladies,

and Lord knows the ladies love you.

Don't let the ladies come between you and the belt.

Those were Daddy Tang's last words.

"Don't let the ladies come between you and the belt."

But there was something else about the ladies

Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie.

Pootie Tang turned out just fine. Daddy Tang would have been proud.

Pootie had it all.

Hit records, movies, magazine covers,

fancy cars, famous friends, beautiful clothes

and ladies, ladies, ladies.

Through it all, I was right there by his side.

That's me, Trucky.

And that's my man, Pootie Tang.

Big-time celebrity, crime fighter and role model to children.

Pootie Tang has a message

for the children of America.

So you better wapatah to the bammies,

cos the cammietowns a biddie

on the Pannie Stai!

Pootie says cigarettes and fast food

are bad like netatai.

And don't drink malt liquor cos you don't need to,

cos you're O.K., sa da tay.

Also, eat all your vegetables, and don't bang the dillies.

That's Frank.

Dick Lecter's right hand man.

So what do we care?

We care because he's making these.

People have been making P.S.A.'s for years. It hasn't made a difference.

Eddie, hit me with those figures.

Since the inception of Pootie Tang's PSA campaign,

sales of Lecter burgers are down 30 per cent,

Lecter cigarettes down 20 per cent

and Lecter whiskey is almost out of business.

Someone's getting to these kids and it's killing us.

It's killing us.

It's killing us.

Hello, Mr. Lecter.

- Frank, I have a job for you. - Yes, sir.

I'll tell you, Pootie Tang's one bad brother, man.

That's J.B. and Lacey.

We make up Pootie's crew.

Pootie Tang will draw you a picture of how he's gonna kick your ass

then mail it to you ten days in advance.

The picture gets there. You go, "What the hell is this?"

Then he knocks on your door, properly kicks your ass,

and you still won't know what happened.

Got that right. He's a kick-ass artiste.

He's like the Da Vinci of ass-kicking. That's him right?

Pootie Tang, the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.

Pootie Tang whips your ass so bad, you can write it off on your taxes.

Right here. Ass whipping number one, ass whipping number two...

That's just getting beat up.

I'd also like to add that Pootie Tang can kick some ass too, boy.

Here comes Pootie Tang now.

- Hey, Pootie! - We were just talking about you.

Hey man, you going to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow?

I guess you're wondering who is Biggie Shorty.

I'm Biggie Shorty.

I'll tell you about me and Pootie Tang.

Since the very day we met, I knew Pootie was to be my man.

I knew all I had to do was wait.

One day, all that bullshit would catch up with Pootie and he would be mine.

You going to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow?

Ranacan.

You're a party man!

There's gonna be some bitches in there!

You right, respect the women. Respect the women.

Look at that car!