Megan Is Missing

Tada! And here we are, the stars of the hour

on Amy's new video camera.

My expensive new video camera. Daddy loves me.

Yeah, well, mine love me too, slut.

Bitch.

MEGAN IS MISSING

I'd like to know who came up with the stupid rule

that you have to go back to school the very next day after New Year's.

It's so fucking stupid.

- When would you want to go back? - Like Easter.

At least then I wouldn't feel so wasted.

Let me use it too.

- You don't even use makeup. - I do too.

Like what? Like some baby powder?

Shut up.

Virgins don't know how to wear makeup.

Oh, come on. I didn't mean anything by it.

- You're so fucking sensitive. - Whatever.

I don't see what the big deal is anyway.

Just fuck some guy and get it over with.

Good advice. Thanks.

You're a ho-- H-O, ho.

Jealousy talking. Blah blah blah.

That guy over there would do you.

- (computer chimes) - Hey.

Hey, Meg.

Did you get some of that shit Tercel had today?

- No. Was it good? - Fuckin' awesome, girl.

Fuck! He didn't even tell me he had some.

- Last time I blow him. - You blew Tercel?

Like you haven't. I've seen the stash you carry.

I didn't have to blow him for anything.

Yeah yeah, I'm sure.

- Can you save me some? - Um, no.

- Me and Gideon are partying tonight. - You party every night.

What's so special about one night? Come on, save me some.

Ask her what she'll do for it.

Gideon wants to know what you're willing to do for it.

- Is he there? - (Gideon laughing)

- Yeah. - Fuck, Angie!

Can't a person have a private conversation?

Come on, Meggie, there's no secrets between me and you.

- I know you inside and out. - Go fuck yourself.

Why don't you come on over here and play with me and Angie?

Yeah, in your dreams, you dork.

Aw, come on. You know you want to.

Woman: God damn it, Megan! Why didn't my program record?

I unplugged the VCR to use the game box and I forgot to plug it back in.

You forgot?! You forgot?!

I worked 12 hours a fucking day to buy you that box

and all I ask is that you let me watch my fucking program!

- Lay off me. - You selfish bitch.

Why don't you go live with your father and get the fuck out of my life?

I bought this game box. It's out of here!

Wow, your mom is crazy. What a twisted bitch.

- She's crazier than my mom. - (object clatters, breaks)

What are you doing?

Miss Stewart: You're going to learn to respect me!

- Megan: That's mine! - No. I paid for it

- and I get to smash it! - Oh no.

Oh no.

- (clears throat) - (computer chimes)

- Oh, hold on. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, Meg. What's happening?

Hey, Amy. Nothing. Just hanging.

I know it's a little late, but I was wondering if you want

to hit the mall before they close and see the new Choo shoes.

You want to go to the mall?

Yeah, or we can just hang out.

I can't. I have to do stuff with my mom.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Fuckin' cat fur makes me vomit.

I told you, you have to keep him out of your bedroom at night.

Yeah, you told me.

Okay well, if you need anything call me, okay?

- I'll see you in school tomorrow. - Yeah. Thanks, Amy.

- Ciao. - Bye.

So what's it going to be, Meggie?

You know only Gideon's slaves get the fairy dust.

- I'll be right over. - (Gideon laughs)

- (knocking at door) - Come in.

- Morning, princess. - Morning, Daddy.

You know, Party Restaurant's getting all booked up.

Are you sure you don't want to have your birthday party there?

Daddy, it's for kids.

I don't want people who dress up like bears

singing "Happy Birthday" to me.

- Well, you used to like that. - Yeah, when I was like 10.

Well, try not to grow up so fast, okay?

It makes your dad feel really really old.

You'll never be old, Daddy.

Well, I'll figure something special to get you for your birthday.

Like maybe a video camera?

Hmm, mortgage payment, video camera.

- What should I do? - It doesn't cost that much, jerk.

Louise, your daughter just called me a jerk.

She's right, you know?

Women, always ganging up on defenseless men.

All right, get ready for school.

We'll talk about your present later, princess.

Okay.

Hurry up, Amy. You're going to be late.

Okay.

Princess. Princess Pudgy.

- (beeps) - Ben?

- What's up, ma? - Oh hey, Ben.

- Hey, Ben. - Damn, all the hot girls in one place?

- Yeah, where you're not. - Bogus ass.

Why you gotta do me like that?

Because she doesn't do losers, duh.

- Ah, I see. - Yeah, she's not Kathy.

- Oh, shut up. - All you girls are crazy as hell.

So what's going on with this weekend?

Party's on this weekend.

You can come by the crib around midnight.

- Shit'll be off the hook. - Cool. Can I bring Aaron?

- Nope. No dudes. - Why not?

Because it's my party and it's my rules, that's why.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, Kathy, you'd better obey the rules.

Oh, shut up.

I have footage of you "obeying the rules"

on your hands and knees at the last party.

Hey, Ben, can I bring Amy?

Man, this is a party, not church.

You're not really going to drag her along, are you?

Whoa, y'all need to chill. What's wrong with Amy?

Oh well, let's think. She's a drag.

She ain't fun for shit. She don't know how to dress.

Amy is hot.

Man, if Amy was hot,

Lexie would have fucked her by now.

Shut up!

No, we all know you go with the flow.

Look, Ben, I'm serious. Her birthday's coming up.

Oh. Well, she's going to get an ass-whupping

if she comes to my party.

Well, either Amy comes or I don't.

- We gotta go, Meg. - Okay, bye.

See you later.

What is it with you and this girl?

You fuckin' her? She got blackmail on you? What?

She's my friend.

She's not a fucking loser like the rest of you.

Yeah well, I got a reputation to think about.

I run the best parties and you are my premier party girl.

You bringing Amy along could take away that crown.

Well, maybe I don't need to have it.

Yeah, you do.

What the fuck else do you got?

Does Amy come or do I spend quality time

with my mom Saturday night?

- You owe me for this. - Yeah, take a number.

I'm not kidding.

You're going to be jumping hoops if you want to bring Miss Party Killer.

You just make sure you take a fucking bath.

Oh, here they are. Come on, sweetheart.

Give me $10. That's right.

You enjoy your time in there. Honey, I like that outfit.

- Oh shit! - What's up, dawg?

My man Gideon. Come on in, y'all, free of charge.

- Get in there, bitch. - $10, honey. $10.

I like that outfit. Mm mm! $10.

Hey, um, I didn't get my allowance this week.

Yeah well, no one rides for free.

Get in there. You're sucking my dick.

Oh shit, the hot squad has arrived, plus one.

- (laughing) - Ben, shut up.

Aw, relax, Meg.

I'm just playing. It's what players do.

$10, girls. Come on.

$10, girls. $10.

Oh, you sure you want to enter the harem?

It ain't for lightweights, sweetheart.

- Yes. - Ben: I don't know.

Jesus Christ! Let's go.

Eh, remember, Meg,

you want a deal, you gotta pay the man.

All right.

Come on in. Let's go, let's go.

Move it, chunky. $10, please.

Mm mm! Go on in. $10, baby.

Boy: Hey, Lexie, can I see your ass a little more, please?

Get the fuck out of my face!

- How about you show me your tits? - Fuck you.

- Get the fuck away from me. - Boy: Fuck you guys.

Get-- (sobs)

Leave me alone.

No, fuck you!

Okay okay, Kathy, tell me,

what is your goal in life?

- To get fucked up. - Okay.

So, uh, what are you right now?

- Pretty fucked up. - (laughs) So...

- (coughing) - ...you've pretty much

fucking achieved your life goal like already.

- Mm mm! - Oh!

Fuck yeah.

- Yeah, fuck-- fuck yeah. - Holy shit.

- Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. - Holy...