Jerry and Tom

You want us to take the hood off for a while?

Sería mejor si te quitamos la bolsa?

No gracias.

No thanks.

Could be a while. Make it easier to breathe.

Respirarías mejor.

I'm okay.

No, gracias -Como quieras

Suit yourself.

What are we waiting for?

Qué estamos esperando?

Phone to ring.

-La llamada telefónica. -Cuándo llamarán?

Why not just do him?

We're supposed to wait until we get the call.

Cuando deban llamar

And what, just sit here?

-Y qué, sólo esperamos? -Así es

That's right.

Hagámoslo ahora y terminemos con esto

All I'm saying is, we could just do him now

and get it over with.

Sería un error hacerlo ahora

We do him now, the phone rings,

there's been a mistake.

si llaman y dicen que hubo un "cambio de planes", qué hacemos?

There's been a change of plans.

Then what?

Sería mala suerte, carajo

Too fucking bad, I say.

You're anxious.

-Estás nervioso. -Y qué?

So fucking what?

Hey, Stan, you're anxious to get this over with?

Stan, tú estás nervioso?

Not especially.

No realmente.

See, Stan's not anxious.

Ves? Stan no está nervioso.

- So what? - I'm anxious.

Estoy nervioso, y qué carajos?

So fucking what?

Anxious is not good.

No es bueno. -No quiero quedarme aquí sentado

No quiero sentarme aquí sin hacer nada

I just don't want to sit here and dwell on this.

Jerry, pon un disco, córtate las uñas, no lo sé,

Jerry, put a couple more quarters in the jukebox,

clip your nails, I don't care, something.

Haz algo

Christ.

Bien...

You know any good jokes?

Tienes algún buen chiste?

En este momento, no.

Not at the moment, no.

Yo tengo uno

I got one.

¿Tienes uno?

You got a joke?

Un oso negro entra a un bar, el camarero le dice

This grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says,

"Tenemos una bebida que lleva tu nombre".

"you know, we got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper goes

El oso negro responde: "tienes una bebida llamada Kevin?"

"what, you got a drink named Kevin?"

No lo entendí.

I don't fucking get it.

Grasshopper named Kevin.

El oso negro se llamaba Kevin, excelente.

That's a good one, Stan.

That joke is for shit.

Es una mierda, vamos a liquidarlo ahora!

I say we do him now.

-Tengo otro. -Escuchémoslo.

I got another one.

Let's hear it.

A guy walks into a doctor's office

Un tipo con un pato en la cabeza entra al consultorio

with a duck on his head.

Doctor says, "may I help you?"

El doctor dice: "Puedo ayudarlo?"

Duck says, "yeah.

El pato responde: "Saca a este tipo de mi trasero".

Anyway you can get this guy off my ass?"

"Este tipo de mi trasero!"

Guy off my ass.

It's not even remotely funny.

Es una mierda! "Este tipo de mi trasero?" A la mierda!

Guy off my ass, my ass.

Tell another one, Stan. You crack me up.

Cuenta otro, me matas de risa.

Uh...

Un pingüino entra a un bar...

This penguin walks into a bar.

-Un pingüino? -Sï, un pingüino.

A penguin?

Yeah, a penguin.

Why can't it be something else,

No podría ser un polaco? no te ofendas

like, no offense, Tom, like a Polack or something?

Pues no, ese día, el que entró al bar es un pingüino.

Because on this particular day,

it happened to be a penguin

that walked into the bar.

Adelante, te estamos escuchando.

Okay, go ahead.

Anyway, this penguin walks into a bar

Como decía, el pingüino entra al bar

and orders a scotch on the rocks.

y pide un whisky con hielo.

The bartender can't believe his eyes.

El cantinero, asombrado, le dice a su jefe

He goes back to his boss and says,

"No puedo creerlo, un pingüino acaba de entrar y pidió un escocés con hielo"

"you're not gonna believe this,

but a penguin just walked in here

and ordered a scotch on the rocks."

-Y cómo va a beberlo? -Lentamente

How's he gonna drink it?

Slowly.

Penguins don't have hands.

No tienen manos! Los patos no hablan,

Ducks don't talk and grasshoppers

y los osos no tienen nombre de pila.

aren't named Kevin.

Jerry, it's just a fucking joke.

-Es una broma, mierda. -He comprendido bien!

I understand it's just a joke, Tom,

but even a joke has to be remotely possible,

Pero una broma debe tener una apariencia de verdad.

am I right?

Maybe he drinks it with his flippers.

Puede beber con sus aletas.

Sus aletas? -Sí!

His flippers?

Yeah.

Okay.

Continúa.

Go ahead.

So the bartender goes back to his boss

Entonces el cantinero va a su jefe y le dice: no vas a creerme

and says, "you're not gonna believe this,

but a penguin just walked in here

"Un pingüino acaba de ordenar un whisky escocés con hielo"

and ordered a scotch on the rocks."

The boss goes, "charge him 4 bucks."

El jefe responde: "Cóbrale 4 dólares".

The bartender goes back, pours the penguin a drink

El cantinero regresa, sirve el vaso y dice "Son 4 dólares"

and says, "that will be 4 bucks."

El pingüino paga...

The penguin pays it.

Y de dónde saca el dinero, eh?

Where does he keep his money?

In his wallet like everybody else.

De la billetera, como todo el mundo!

Okay, if you say so.

De acuerdo, si tú lo dices.

The penguin sits there drinking his scotch,

El pingüino se sienta, bebe su escocés

lentamente, con sus aletas,

slowly, with his flippers.

cuando el cantinero dice...

Suddenly the bartender says--

-Yo me sé ese chiste. -Tú lo sabes?

I heard this one.

You heard this one?

Yeah, I heard this one.

Sí, lo conozco

El teléfono.

There's the phone.

You want me to finish the joke?

Termino el chiste?

You gonna answer it?

Yeah.

Vas a contestar? -Sí

You want me to answer it?

-Quieres que la conteste yo? -No, yo lo haré.

No, it's okay. I'll get it.

Answer the phone, Tom.

Está llamando

You want I should finish the joke or what?

-Cuento el final del chiste o qué? -Olvida tu estúpido chiste, Stan!

Forget about the fucking joke, Stan.

De acuerdo... Responde Tom.

Okay.

Answer the phone, Tom.

Atiende, carajo, Tom

Tom, answer the fucking phone.

Tom, atiende la llamada, maldita sea!

Hello?

Hola

Diez años atrás

Kovachy Motors.