Bob Hearts Abishola

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...

Oh, my God, you're having a baby?

I am!

I did not even know you were dating someone.

I'm not.

These are potential sperm donors.

Oh, so you're not pregnant.

Not yet, but my womb is willing.

One might say "eager."

She's not capable of raising a child by herself.

She has a lot more going for her than I did when I had Dele.

No, it's different. You're you.

You're smart, independent, strong,

and she's...

Come on, talk her out of it!

Just so you know, I will be there

every step of the way.

Thanks.

- Can I ask you something? - Of course.

When did your maternal instinct kick in?

Honestly?

When you told me I'm having a grandkid.

Let's start with a deep, cleansing ujjayi breath.

A who?

Feel it in the back of your throat,

grounding you in space,

centering you in the present.

I don't see how this grounding helps you get pregnant.

It increases blood flow

and readies the loins for fertilization.

Why am I doing this?

Let's just move on to goddess pose.

With every exhale,

feeling more grateful

for the support of my vaginal sisterhood.

My uterus crew.

My fallopian family.

Okay. I need a break.

Oh, it can be a little tiring.

I am fine, I just do not want to do this.

Yeah, this is kind of a dangerous pose

for someone who had cheese for breakfast.

I thought you were here to help.

I was till it got weird.

Well, my fertility chakras will receive more energy

if we do this as a group.

Says who?

Several podcasts.

There's no need for this nonsense.

The shots and the pills are enough to prepare you.

Science isn't everything, Abishola.

Yeah, well, tell it to the guy

who's stirring up your test tube baby.

Where are my Chinese herbs?

- I threw 'em out. - What?

They smelled like rotten leaves.

That's what they are.

Take it easy.

I'll go outside and rake you up some more.

You know what? I am feeling stress,

and I do not want to feel stress.

Well, I got a fix for that.

- You got to do the Camel pose. - What's that?

You lay down on the couch and smoke a Camel cigarette.

That was rude.

She needs to find a sense of humor pose.

She's about to get pregnant,

and she throws out the two people

who have actually been through it.

Makes no sense.

You had one, I had four.

Four?

Bob was a fat baby. He counts as two.

So, we're off uterus duty.

You want to hang out?

Mm. I'm going to pick up a shift at the hospital.

You just got a Get Out of Jail Free card.

Why would you want to walk into another jail?

What do you suggest we do?

Well, you are a married woman,

so that rules out the first couple of ideas,

but I think we could rustle up some trouble.

Okay. I'll rustle with you.

Attagirl.

You're in for a treat.

We just have to pick up my fiber pills,

then the world is our oyster.

Come on, it's just five percent.

We can find the savings somewhere.

I have a wonderful idea.

We're not firing anyone.

Damn it.

Perhaps if we brought five percent more joy

into our workday,

the problem would take care of itself.

I know who we should fire.

I am doing the best I can.

That is what worries me.

All right, both of you knock it off.

We're going crazy just sitting here.

We need to clear our heads.

Okay. We will take a break.

That was nice. Back to work.

Grab your stuff, we're going out to lunch.

I already ate lunch.

You had a granola bar over the trash can.

Because we have important work to do.

Which will still be here when we get back.

Well, I am in.

I meal-prepped lentils, but they will keep.

Looks like you're outvoted.

- Fine. - It'll be good for you.

Even God rested on the seventh day.

That part of the Bible always bothered me.

I have never been to a garage sale before.

No, no, no.

Garage sales are for alive people's crap,

estate sales are for dead people's treasures.

Well, I will not be buying someone else's used items.

What? You don't like bargains?

I like bargains. I do not like cooties.

Well, you're gonna miss out on a lot.

The bereaved are terrible hagglers.

I once bought a diamond necklace for $100

because the dead lady's daughter

"couldn't bear to look at it."

You should not prey on other people's sadness.

This is real silver.

It's only $20?

I changed my mind.

This is worth the cooties.

See Mr. Weepy over there?

I can get it down to ten.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with the short ribs.

Best thing on the menu.

Fish and chips for me, please.

Best thing on the menu.

And for you, sir?

We may be able to save money

if we reroute our shipping through Indiana.

He'll have the club sandwich.

I hate those.

I always bite the toothpick.

Then look at the menu and order something.

I just want to go back to the office.

We're not going anywhere

until we have a pleasant friggin' lunch!

Cowboy Burger, no mayo, extra pickles.

Ooh, extra pickles. Look who let his hair down.

Oh, he's a pickle maniac.

Kofo! Do not tell people my business.

I'm not people, we're friends.

We are coworkers.

Come on, you see me more than you see your wife.

She is not my friend either.

You know what? Keep your bad attitude.

Kofo and I are gonna enjoy ourselves.

Goodwin, your favorite, peach sangria.

Stop telling people what I like.

Honey, you can put all that stuff up front.

Mm-mm. The moment I set this down,

one of these vultures will take it.

Look at you, you got the itch.

I'm scratching all over.

Do you do this a lot?

Every time one of my rich friends dies.

You knew this woman?

Oh, yeah. Awful lady.

I'm surprised they're not selling

the stick she had up her ass.

Please do not make me laugh.

The sad people are looking.

This is very nice cookware.

Well, I don't know why she had it.

She drank all her meals, if you know what I'm saying.

And she was sleeping with the neighbor.

She thought we didn't know.

That's the schmuck right there. Hi, Herb.

You are terrible.

- Yeah, but it's fun. - So fun.

Hey, Christina.

Hey, uh, I-I'm having a little issue

at the house, and I need some help.

You know you called Douglas, right?

Yes, you're my brother.

So is Bob.

He didn't answer.

What about Mom? Abishola?

They have too much negative energy.

And you need a positive ray of light.

I'll be right over.

Hey, Goodwin, is it okay if I...?

Oh.

Huh.

Sweet. Free lentils.

I wanted to move to America

the first time I saw Top Gun.

You're saying you felt "the need,

the need for speed."

That is a line from the film.