Twilight Zone: The Movie

What way? What way?

Boy, look at the clothes.

Oh, yeah.

I think your tape got eaten. DRIVER: Oh, Jesus.

Jesus. That was good.

Yeah. They're great, Creedence.

This thing's brand-new.

How about the radio? DRIVER: Radio doesn't work.

You can't get anything out here. No entertainment.

Now there's no entertainment. Damn it!

Well, guess we just have to talk to each other, huh?

We talked to each other already.

- Yeah, I know where you're from. - Hey, hey, hey.

- Wanna see something real scary? - Sure.

- I love this, okay? - Yeah, what?

- We're driving, right? - Yeah.

Imagine not running out of gas. We have plenty of gas, all right?

- Yeah. - Oh, my God.

What are those gravel beds up ahead?

They're gonna fly up and knock out our lights. Uh-oh.

Hey, come on. Blackness. Oh, my goodness.

Why, there could be nuns ahead. We wouldn't even see them.

Isn't this amazing? Look.

I don't know whether it's too safe...

I used to play chicken and see how far we could drive...

without someone going, "Stop."

I don't know, I think you better...

Who's chicken, huh?

Is that a bear up there, huh? Turn the lights on.

Huh? Uh-oh. More pebbles. Oh, my goodness.

It looks like they're out permanently this time. Ha, ha, ha.

This is dangerous. No, the road's straight.

It's kind of scary. What is that up ahead?

Something might come up ahead...

A big, huge squirrel.

Ha, ha, ha. Chicks love that.

That's scary enough. DRIVER: I know, I like it.

- Hey, you like trivia? - Yeah.

Okay, wanna play TV theme songs? PASSENGER: Sure.

- You know how to play? - Well...

I'll hum a theme song. If you guess it, you get to hum one.

If I guess it, I get to have it back.

- Okay. - If you get three in a row, you win.

- Okay, I'm good at that. - Okay? Okay, I'll start.

Wanna hint?

- Sea Hunt. - Sea Hunt, go.

All right.

- Perry Mason. - You got it.

Bonanza. All right.

- Real McCoys. - No.

Fred Gwynne was in it.

- Beverly Hillbillies. - No.

- Car 54. - That's it.

- Thanks for the Fred Gwynne. - Absolutely.

How about this one?

Know it?

Look at that fossil.

It's stuck over there in the tar.

Look at that old man He looks like an old ape.

- What is it? - I don't know.

Look at that old bone It could be worth a bucks.

- What is it? - I don't know.

Look at those two apes This must be where they live.

Look at that city, let's continue to dig.

- What is it? - I don't know.

It's National Geographic, National Geographic.

Okay, all right.

Okay, I got one for you. DRIVER: Okay.

Yes.

What is it?

I don't know, but you're doing it great.

I don't know.

Give me a hint. - Book him, Danno.

Book him, Danno. DRIVER: Book him, Danno. Book him.

One more hint. What was its locale?

Surfboards. - Locale.

An island in the Pacific Ocean.

Gilligan's Island. PASSENGER: With Jack Lord.

- Hawaii Five-0. - Yes.

Oh, Jesus, I thought I was good at this.

Did you ever watch The Twilight Zone?

Oh, God. Remember the Twilight Zone with Burgess Meredith?

Remember? He loved to read.

And there was a nuclear war and he had no friends.

- He's in the library... - Oh, with the glasses.

Yes. He was the last man, he broke his glasses.

- Yeah. - Freaked me out.

When I was 7, I bought another pair just in case that would happen.

Oh, those shows. They were so good.

- They were so scary. - Yeah, they were great.

Remember where the guy had the stopwatch?

Somebody gave him a stopwatch, he was this real obnoxious guy.

He took the stopwatch, he hit it.

- Everybody else in time froze but him. - That's an Outer Limits.

- That was a Zone. - That's Outer Limits.

That was a Zone.

They had one about mannequins that turned into humans.

They were allowed to go out for two weeks.

One came back and it was over two weeks.

The other mannequins turned her into plastic.

- Boy, they were scary. They were great. - I loved it.

Hey.

- You wanna see something really scary? - You bet.

- Really? - Yeah.

Okay, this is really, really scary, now.

I trust you.

Okay, pull the car over.

Pull the car over? Oh.

- You wanna see? - Show me while I driving.

I can't. It'll only take a couple of seconds.

- All right, two seconds, okay? - Okay.

- What is it? - Pull it over.

- I'll show you. - All right.

Okay.

Scare me.

- Are you ready? - Okay, go ahead.

What are you doing?

You unlock this door with the key of imagination.

Beyond it is another dimension.

A dimension of sound.

A dimension of sight.

A dimension of mind.

Of things and ideas.

You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

You're about to meet an angry man, Mr. William Conner...

who carries on his shoulder a chip the size of the national debt.

This is a sour man, a lonely man...

who's tired of waiting for the breaks that come to others but never to him.

Mr. William Connor...

whose own blind hatred is about to catapult him...

into the darkest corner of the Twilight Zone.

Hey. Hey.

Bill.

How you doing? RAY: I'm okay.

I can't stay long.

My wife's relatives from Florida are coming over for dinner. Great, huh?

Hey, girl. Another beer over here.

Bill, you look kind of cranky this evening.

Yeah, I'm pissed, all right.

Uh-oh.

Remember the guy Goldman? - You didn't get promoted?

They gave it to that Jew bastard.

Why don't you come over here and cheer me up? I need it.

Just drink your beer.

What about you? You wanna cheer me up?

Don't touch me.

"Don't touch me." Okay.

I think she likes you, Bill.

I can't believe it, you know. I can't.

- Bill, drink your beer. Relax. - What do you mean, "relax"?

They give Goldman my promotion, you tell me to relax?

You know what that would have meant to me?

An extra $6000 a year that I'd earn.

You know them kikes.

They get more money. You know that.

How long has Goldman been there?

So, what if he's been there longer than me? So what?

I'm better. I worked hard for that promotion.

They give it to some Jew.

I mean, what else do the hell they want? They own everything as it is.

Come on, Bill, the Jews don't own everything.

The Arabs won't let them.

Arabs, what the hell is that? Just a nigger wrapped up in a sheet.

He's on a roll now. BILL: I'm gonna tell you something.

What's the matter with this country? It's getting tougher to earn a living.

And you know why? I'll tell you why.

Because of the Jews...

because of the blacks, because of the Orientals.

You're ranting. BILL: Yeah, I'm ranting, why not?

Who owns my house? Jap bank. I'll tell you something else.

Niggers live not more than six blocks from my house. Six blocks.

Excuse me, mister.

Have you got a problem?

Yeah, I got a lot of problems.

Look, I really don't care what you gentlemen think...

as long as we don't have to listen to it.

It's okay, no problem.

My friend's a little upset, that's all. He got some bad news today.

Yeah.

- You trying to get us killed? - I just finished telling you...

that some Jew got my job. Niggers live in my neighborhood.

You embarrassed? You wanna leave? You want me to hold it down, what?

- Just... - Don't give me that.

I'm gonna tell you something. I love this country...

and I fought for it in Korea.

- And my country paid me to kill gooks. - Hey, hey.

But those same gooks now own my house.

I needed that job.

I really needed that promotion.

I was counting on the extra money. I don't understand, the Jews are rich.

What the hell do they want with my job anyway?