RobiHachi

There is a world

where any dream you dream can come true.

It's called... Isekandar.

Let's go.

"If you could do anything in the world

you wanted to do, what would that be?"

I've given that a lot of thought and my answer is,

"Not a damn thing."

'Scuse me!

Because whenever I do anything,

it turns out like this.

Gimmie back my bag, you filthy bastard!

Damn it!

Move!

Yeah! Eat that cement!

Look to your right and you'll see some stuff!

Hey! Don't look in there!

Why can't my life stop sucking so much?

Hm?

Hello, sir. Is this yours?

Gimmie that!

Oh, who's a sweet baggie-bag?

--'Kay... --Wait a minute,

are you the one who stole my bag in the first place

just so that you could bring it back and freak me out?

No, I did not.

Your culprit's over there.

Oh.

Don't mention it.

Hey, hold on!

Heyya, Pops! My usual, for two!

For who? A girl?

Sex bots don't gotta eat, y'know.

Oh, come on, man!

Yep! Sweet!

You here to make me nuts? What's with the change?

Sorry, this guy's not havin' it today.

Again?

Throw it out and get yourself a new one!

Ha! You read my mind.

That's how I feel about my entire life!

Huh?

About to make my dreams of doing nothin' all day come true!

Okay then, buddy, good luck with that.

You gotta work if you wanna eat in this world

and there's no way to get around it.

Your order will be up soon!

The twisted joke here is that my family is

actually pretty wealthy.

I didn't get along with my parents at all in my teens.

One day I was just so over it, I ran away from home.

That's when the job-hopping began,

and as of right now,

I guess you could say I'm a freelance reporter.

Once, this girl I was dating hired me

to be a beef rancher.

But then my cows got sick and some A-hole slaughtered them.

I figured investing in a nata de coco plant

would turn things around.

But I ended up drowning in debt

and boxes of unsold fermented merch.

Turns out that stuff's pretty high in fiber

and exactly what I needed to end my struggle with constipation.

-- --

That's when I tripped and fell down the stairs

and died.

I'm kidding!

It was an accident,

but my stupid insurance thought I faked it

and wouldn't cover my hospital bills!

My nurse was hot, though. We kinda dated...

...till I found out she was the girlfriend

of some baller gangster!

I broke up with her already!

My life's like this moody, bi-polar,

rollercoaster of misfortunes.

I've got no money, no job, and no girl.

I swear, I'm cursed.

Hope you're ready to read the best draft ever!

Unfortunately, no one is.

We've just heard our webzine won't be published after all.

So when this new thing rolled around,

I figured, what the heck is left to lose?

This could be the key to a life of doing nothing--

the ultimate success.

Order's up, Robby!

Uh--

-- Thank you! -- See ya next time.

Thanks for waiting.

Pucker up.

You're about to make out with the best fries in the world.

If Pops wasn't such a corn-hole, I'd eat here every day.

Yeah, that's the stuff.

Don't judge me.

You gonna eat or just sit there being ungrateful?

Um... do you know how many calories a fry has?

Uh--

Something else to think about.

When starchy foods are cooked at high temperatures,

it creates a dangerous toxin called acrylamide.

Small amounts are fine--

Blah, blah, blah.

Shut up and eat the food I bought for you!

I'll eat what's safe.

You want safe, huh?

Pardon me?

Just how many salads do you think a place like this sells?

I've never been asked anything so cryptic in my life.

You certainly have an interesting way

of seeing things, sir.

Thank you.

Hold on! Who are you?

Um, I'm the one who helped you, mister.

Uh--yeah, that's right. You are.

But you really gotta stop callin' me "sir" and "mister."

Then what should I call you?

Try my name, Robby Yarge. Who are you?

No one important enough to mention.

Don't you dare try to bait me

with that hipster-emo "I'm no one important" crap

just so I can give you some motivational mom speech

about how you're special and beg you to tell me your name

because of how important you are to me

while holding you way too close for comfort!

Sorry, I'm not fallin' for it and I'm not gonna ask you again.

--Kita Hatchi. --Huh?

That's my name.

Whoa! Don't turn this around!

So, there's money in that bag, isn't there?

At your age?

You still believe money has the power to buy success?

I thought only children were clueless

as to how the world works.

-- Excuse you? --Oh, mister.

Hey! What did I just tell you about calling me "mister,"

you stuck-up little brat?

I'm sorry, Robby Yarge,

but you've got a tiny bit of something here.

Don't distract me! I'm done with this planet--

with its money and people, and gravity is overrated!

I should've been out a long time ago!

Oh, really?

Well, yeah. You remember when that whatchamacallit

went to the moon 50 years ago

and made contact for the first time?

I was gonna move up there and help build kingdoms

and be super rich and fancy

living that sweet, sweet moon life.

Uh, what was that thing called?

Uh... Doesn't matter.

The point is, you should lead an honest life.

Heh. What makes you think I don't?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You don't know about the new enterprise I'm building.

Is it a respectable enterprise?

Yeah, in shrimp.

Shrimp?

Did I say shrimp? I meant, "I like shrimp!"

Ugh, where's this going?

But you know what tastes even better? Mount Fuji Burgers!

Anyway, you were being nosey

about the money in my bag, right?

I'm gonna use it to build my empire

so that I never have to work again

and you're jealous, aren'tcha?

Not at all.

Come on. You gotta live an honest life, kid.

I really couldn't care less about being rich.

And I'm not a kid.

I'm just tired of being bored.

Uh--

All I want is to finally find something that interests me.

You can't find anything that interests you?

I'd like to direct your attention toward these clouds.

"The little one just changed shape! Oh, how interesting!"

"I wonder what's down on the ground.

Looks like an army of ants. Oh, my! How interesting!"

I mean, I'm not seein' the struggle here.

It's more than that.

The world is so predictable

and created with this preestablished harmony.

We know everything that's going to happen, so...

...we're always five steps ahead, no matter what.

Even into the future.

There's no mystery to unravel here. Nothing to explore.

You don't have to predict the weather--we know.

It should take about a year to analyze a genome,

but every bit of information we could possibly want

can be instantly accessed with a quantum computer.

It's a privilege to wonder,

but there are no surprises anymore.

What world are you livin' in?

Because nothing but the unpredictable has happened to me

in this one so far.

Huh?

Should you, like, get a job or something?

Or finish college?