Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I can't let you out, Hedwig.

I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school.

- Besides, if Uncle Vernon-- Harry Potter!

Now you've done it.

He's in there. Vernon?

I'm warning you, if you can't control that bloody bird, it'll have to go.

But she's bored.

If I could only let her out for an hour or two.

So you can send secret messages to your freaky little friends? No, sir.

But I haven't had any messages from any of my friends.

Not one...

...all summer.

Who would want to be friends with you?

I should think you'd be a little more grateful.

We've raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table...

...even let you have Dudley's second bedroom...

...purely out of the goodness of our hearts.

Not now. It's for when the Masons arrive.

Which should be any minute.

Now, let's go over our schedule once again, shall we?

Petunia, when the Masons arrive, you will be...?

In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home.

- Good. And, Dudley, you will be...? - I'll be waiting to open the door.

Excellent.

And you?

I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist.

Too right, you will.

With any luck, this could be the day I make the biggest deal of my career...

...and you will not mess it up.

Harry Potter, such an honor it is.

- Who are you? - Dobby, sir. Dobby the house-elf.

Not to be rude or anything...

...but this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom.

Yes, sir. Dobby understands.

It's just that Dobby has come to tell you...

It is difficult, sir. Dobby wonders where to begin.

- Why don't you sit down? - Sit down? Sit down?

Dobby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything.

Offend Dobby?

Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir...

...but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal.

You can't have met many decent wizards then.

No, I haven't.

That was an awful thing to say.

- Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby! - Stop, Dobby. Dobby, shush.

Dobby, please, stop.

Don't mind that. It's just the cat.

- Bad Dobby. - Stop! Stop, Dobby. Please, be quiet.

Are you all right?

Dobby had to punish himself, sir.

Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir.

- Your family? - The wizard family Dobby serves, sir.

Dobby is bound to serve one family forever.

If they ever knew Dobby was here...

But Dobby had to come. Dobby has to protect Harry Potter. To warn him.

Harry Potter must not go back...

...to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year.

There is a plot, a plot to make most terrible things happen.

What terrible things? Who's plotting them?

Can't say.

- Okay, I understand. You can't say. - Don't make me talk. I--

- Dobby. Dobby, put the lamp down. - Bad Dobby.

So when they arrive at the ninth hole...

Give me the lamp.

Dobby, stop!

- Let me go. - Get in there and keep quiet.

- What the devil are you doing up here? - I was just--

You just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke.

Sorry.

One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy.

- And fix that door. - Yes, sir.

See why I've got to go back?

I don't belong here. I belong in your world, at Hogwarts.

- It's the only place I've got friends. - Friends who don't write to Harry Potter?

Well, I expect they've been...

Hang on. How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?

Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby.

Dobby hoped if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him...

...Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir.

- Give me those. Now. - No!

Dobby, get back here.

Dobby, please, no.

Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school.

I can't. Hogwarts is my home.

Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good.

It spread as far as the eye could see, all over the floor.

One plumber said, "Look at all that water."

The second plumber said, "Yes, and that's just the top of it."

Mr. Mason...

Vernon tells me that you're a wonderful golfer.

I play. Occasionally.

Hm.

Mrs. Mason...

...where do you get your beautiful suits?

Oh, all of my suits are tailor-made.

Dudley...

...wasn't there something you wanted to say?

- Pudding. Pudding?

What pudding?

I'm so sorry. It's my nephew. He's very disturbed.

Meeting strangers upsets him. That's why I kept him upstairs.

Well, we have ice cream.

You're never going back to that school.

You're never going to see those freaky friends of yours again. Never!

Hiya, Harry.

Ron. Fred. George. What are you all doing here?

Rescuing you, of course. Now, come on, get your trunk.

You better stand back.

Let's go.

- What was that? - What was it?

Potter!

Dad, what's going on?

Go. Go. Go.

Dad, hurry up.

Come on. Come on, Harry, hurry up.

Petunia, he's escaping!

I've got you, Harry. - Come here!

Let go of me! - No, boy!

You and that bloody pigeon aren't going anywhere.

- Get off! - Drive!

Right. Right!

No! No! No! No!

Dad!

Damn.

By the way, Harry, happy birthday.

Come on.

Okay, come on. Shh, shh.

Okay, come on.

Think it'd be all right if we had some?

Yeah, Mum will never know.

It's not much, but it's home.

I think it's brilliant.

Where have you been?

Harry, how wonderful to see you, dear.

Beds empty. No note. Car gone.

You could have died. You could have been seen.

Of course, I don't blame you, Harry, dear.

They were starving him, Mum. There were bars on his window.

Well, you best hope I don't put bars on your window, Ronald Weasley.

Come on, Harry, time for a spot of breakfast.

Here we are, Harry. Now, tuck in.

That's it. There we go.

- Mummy, have you seen my jumper? - Yes, dear, it was on the cat.

Hello.

What did I do?

Ginny. She's been talking about you all summer. A bit annoying, really.

- Morning, Weasleys. Morning, Dad.

What a night. Nine raids. - Raids?

Dad works in the Ministry of Magic, in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.

Dad loves Muggles, thinks they're fascinating.

Well, now.

And who are you?

Oh, sorry, sir. I'm Harry, sir. Harry Potter.

Good Lord. Are you really?

Well, Ron has told us all about you, of course. When did he get here?

This morning.

Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.

Did you really? How did it go?

I mean-- That was very wrong indeed, boys. Very wrong of you.

Now, Harry, you must know all about Muggles.

Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

Oh, um...

Well, that'll be Errol with the post.

Fetch it, will you, Percy, please?

- Errol. He's always doing that.

Oh, look, it's our Hogwarts letters. They've sent us Harry's as well.

Dumbledore must know you're here. Doesn't miss a trick, that man.

Oh, no. - This lot won't come cheap.

- The spell books alone are expensive. We'll manage.

There's only one place we're going to get all of this. Diagon Alley.

Right.

Here we are, Harry. You go first, dear.

But Harry's never traveled by Floo powder before, Mum.

Floo powder?

You go first, Ron, so that Harry can see how it's done. Yes.

In you go.

That's it.

Diagon Alley.

You see? It's quite easy, dear. Don't be afraid. Come on.

Come on.

In you go. That's it. Mind your head.

That's right. Now, take your Floo powder.

That's it, very good.

Now, don't forget to speak very, very clearly.

Diagonally.

- What did he say, dear? - Diagonally.

I thought he did.

Don't touch anything, Draco.

Yes, Father.

Master Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again.

And young Master Malfoy too. Delighted.

I must show you, just in today and very reasonably priced--

I'm not buying today, Borgin, I'm selling.

- Selling? - Draco.

You are aware, no doubt, that the Ministry of Magic...

...is conducting more raids on private houses.

There's even rumors of a new Muggle Protection Act.

Pure wizard blood is counting for less everywhere, I'm afraid.

Not with me.

Anyway, I brought a few items from home...