The Shaggy Dog

Go on, get out of here! Go on, get!

This is a shaggy dog story.

It could've happened anywhere or to anyone.

It so happened that it happened to Wilson Daniels.

A man who loved people, but hated dogs.

Go on, get out of here. Get!

Go on, get out of here.

- Morning, dear. - Good morning, dear.

Blast!

Yes, dear?

Ridiculous! Of all the sickly sentimentality.

Giving a medal to a dog.

Don't get the paper in the butter, dear.

- Making a big hero out of him. - What did he do?

Dragged a baby from a burning building. Who couldn't do that?

Don't upset yourself, Wilson.

Dogs! Yapping and snapping at a man's heels.

Man's best friend. If I ever find the idiot who said that...

You must remember, sweet, that most people love dogs.

I suppose I'm a freak because I don't.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, dear.

Frankly, I think that dogs don't like mailmen because,

because sometimes they bring bad news.

Animals sense those things, you know.

Freeda, I am proud of the 20 years I've spent in the mail service.

Neither snow, rain, sleet nor dogs kept me from my appointed rounds,

but those blasted dogs tried!

You were very brave.

- Where are the boys? - They had breakfast early.

They're down in the cellar tinkering with something.

- What with this time? - I'm not sure.

Is there something called an "issle interceptor"?

"Issle interceptor?" You must mean "missile interceptor."

I've been thinking, as long as you're not taking a firm hand with Wilby,

- I've got to do something about it. - What do you mean, dear?

That mess he got us into last week.

- Which mess was that? - The one where he had the police

throw the new dean of the divinity school in jail as a public enemy.

Oh, well...

that was because of the picture on the bulletin board in the post office.

It did look a little like the new dean.

Now, what I propose to do about Wilby is...

Missile interceptor!

Why is everything shaking?

Maybe you better switch it off, Wilby.

How can I switch it off? I haven't switched it on yet.

Maybe we better take it off the launching site.

Yeah, hurry!

Never mind, it's too late.

Get the upstairs area cleared. Hurry up!

Pop, could you and Mom go on outside now

and sort of hurry, please?

Well, save something!

- Moochie, where's Wilby? - He's still in the basement.

Come on, Wilby!

Well, I guess we've officially entered the rocket age, eh, Pop?

It'd be great to be up there riding it, wouldn't it, Pop?

I wish I was on it right now.

Wilson.

- Pop sure was sore. - Yeah, I know.

I always seem to rub him the wrong way.

Wilby?

- Pop, how'd you get up here? - I piled up some boxes.

Wilby, I'm sorry, but I want you to get rid of all that junk in the basement.

- All, sir? - All of it.

Dismantle the workshop, bury the chemicals,

- and give away those gadgets. - Yes, sir.

I want you to lose or give away all the mice, hamsters, bats, crickets,

bugs, snails and whatever plagues of mankind lurk down there.

Get off this roof, both of you, before you fall off and ruin the flower beds.

Be careful, Pop, those boxes look rickety.

Thank you, I'll do all right. Thank you.

We better get down from here.

Hi, Allison.

That's old knothead for you. Always showing off.

The flowers! That's just what Pop said not to do.

- You all right, Wilby? - Sure, I'm fine.

Buzz, may I talk to you for a moment?

Excuse me.

- Look, Wilby, I'm in a hurry. - What about my seven bucks?

- What about it? - Cough it up.

Pop pulled the plug on my allowance.

Look, I'm sorry, but you know how it is, I got a date with Allison.

I'm sick and tired of financing your romances.

I'd like to take Allison out myself.

- You want a date with Allison? - Why not?

Wilby, have you ever taken a girl, any girl, out on a date?

Well... not exactly.

Now you want to move right in on the most popular girl in town?

Buzz, are we or are we not going to play tennis?

- Coming. Excuse me. - Just a minute, Buzz.

Great suffering cats.

What's she saying?

- What are you doing? - Having a look at the new neighbors.

They're moving into that gloomy old Coveny mansion.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Give me my glasses.

Who are they, anyway?

He's the new assistant curator at the county museum.

A man by the name of Andrassy. Dr. Mikhail Andrassy.

My reports aren't in yet.

But Murphy Jones who leased the place told me...

Don't tell me how you get your gossip. What else do you know?

Well, he's supposed to be a well-known art expert.

He spent some time in a prison camp after the war.

Reason, unknown.

He worked in the famous Uffizi museum in Florence, Italy.

There is a daughter, 17 years old.

Been studying art in Paris.

How dare they bring a camel into this neighborhood?

No!

- It's a dog! -

A blasted, dreaded dog!

That is correct. One Bratislavian sheep dog.

It's supposed to be a very rare breed.

- I'm moving into the back bedroom. - Don't start falling apart.

You know very well that dog thing is all in your mind.

All in my mind? I itch, my sinuses are ballooning up,

my throat's constricting, so I can hardly breathe.

Those old Pekinese wounds on my ankle are throbbing like bongo drums.

It's all in my mind? Well, if you say so, OK.

Come along. Why don't you just lie down and rest for awhile?

Wait a minute, what about my seven bucks?

What do you know, I think he likes me.

That's his problem.

I'm interested in the mademoiselle who owns him.

You shouldn't be running across the street like that.

- Liable to be hurt. - By golly, you're right, Wilby.

I'll bet she's worried about him. I better take him back. Come on.

Wait just a minute, Buzz. This dog came to me.

All right, come along. Maybe ol' Buzz can teach you something.

All the nerve!

- Yes? - We brought back your dog.

The mademoiselle's dog.

Me bring dog you.

Him, me. We do this.

What is it, Francesca?

Chiffon ran away and these two nice Indian boys brought him back.

Indians? This far east?

We're not... We're not Indian. I didn't know you spoke English.

- But of course. - My daughter speaks seven languages.

How many do you speak?

My name is Francesca. And this is my father, Dr. Andrassy.

How do you do, gentlemen? Bring that over here, please.

I'm Buzz Miller. This is Wilby Daniels. He lives down the street.

Then we're neighbors. Won't you come in?

I'm afraid you'll have to excuse the house. We're just moving in.

Boy, look at all this stuff.

Some of it is stuff. But some of it's rather priceless.

Look, here's a Titiano.

A Tintoretto.

A Rodin and a Bernini.

This is a very fine piece. A Forzini. Early 16th century.

Probably worth $3,000 or $4,000.

I believe there's an El Greco over there in the music room.

That's another Tintoretto.

I better put it over here out of the way.

Look at that.

I've never seen Chiffon take such a fancy to anyone.

He sure is friendly.

- Who's she? - Lucrezia Borgia.

You remember the Borgias, of course.

Sure, who?

The Borgias were notorious during the Dark Ages in Italy.

Some people say the Borgia dabbled in black magic.

Black magic?

Hey! The dog in the picture is the same kind as this one.

Yes, a Bratislavian sheep dog.

The breed has mostly died out now.

Chiffon is one of the few left.

And it's very lonely for him.

Excuse me, Francesca.

Would you be good enough to take the Orsini artifacts

to Dr. Howard at the museum?

Certainly, father.

Why don't I drive you down there? My car's outside.

- Wait, we'll both take you. - I'll get my purse.

What's the big idea? I thought my driving made you nervous.

Look, the only thing about you that makes me nervous

is my seven dollars, if you know what I mean.

All right, Wilby, if you want to come along, glad to have you.

Thank you.

- What a sweet little museum. - It's not bad.

I've put in a lot of time around this place studying the arts.

Then how come you got lost getting here?

- Say, that's not a bad looking deal. -

Personally, I go in for the old Egyptian stuff like that.

That figures.

Francesca?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Buzz?

Buzz!

Uh, uh!

- You scared me. - You ought to be. Serves you right.

You shouldn't be wandering around until the exhibit is open.

I've worked nonstop to be ready.

I'm sorry, Prof. Plumcutt. I was looking for my friends.

You know me?

Why, of course! It's Wilby Daniels, isn't it?

Yes, I used to deliver your paper.