Memorial Valley Massacre

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please. We'll open up just as soon as we can.

You'll have to wait.

Take it easy, settle down.

Sorry for the delay.

Hey, man, where do you think you're going?

- It's all right, I'm supposed to be working here.

I'm David Sangster.

Deke Brown.

Sangster, huh?

Heard you were coming.

Same family, huh?

It's my dad.

- I'm surprised you didn't come up here together.

You mean my father's here?

- What do you mean the park's not ready to open?

- Just what I said to you, Mr. Sangster.

- You have been up here four months

to make this campground operational.

I show up for the big opening, Memorial Day weekend,

And now you tell me the camp is not ready for the public?

Well, I call that incompetence.

We just lost a man

In a construction accident this morning.

- I don't want any alibis, no excuses.

My firm has made a major investment in this development.

We have big future plans for Memorial Valley.

Ski resort, shopping centers, condominiums,

Etcetera, and that's only the beginning.

- Yes, sir, I hear you, but the roads aren't finished.

The electrical's out, the supplies are late.

- Did you hear about the water supply?

What's the deal here?

Your water's been tainted.

What are you talking about?

Aw, shit.

That's the dog you had guarding the construction site.

I think I'm gonna barf.

- How long you reckon it's been down there?

- Oh, he's been missing about a week.

Started smelling something a couple days ago.

- I ain't never seen nothing like this before.

- Animals fall down wells all the time.

- Ever known one to lift a 50-pound lid to do it?

Screw the dog.

Is the water fit to drink?

You wanna try it?

Just do me a favor, will you, Brady,

And haul this carcass out of here,

bury it deep in the woods.

- Look, you get Deke to bury it for you.

Me and my men are outta here.

- You can't quit with the job half done.

- After what happened this morning to Burt

and now this, we don't want any part of your campground.

Now, we're gonna take all the equipment we can haul

And we'll come back for the big stuff later.

Oh, this is just great.

Now what are you gonna do?

- Well, sir, looks like I'm gonna go down

to the front gate and help Deke with that crowd of people,

"cause half done or not, I gotta get this place open."

Are you crazy?

You ain't got no running water

and those toilets we built are flushers.

- Well, I'll just have to talk all these city folk

Into roughing it a bit.

Now you're talking, George.

Memorial Valley Campground opens as scheduled.

How's it going, Deke?

- As well as can be expected for a two hour wait.

- David, what are you doing here?

Who's he?

He's my son!

- Well, you said that if I ever wanted a job

On one of your projects, I could have it.

I picked this one.

Your secretary set it up for me, Dad.

- Well, I had in mind a more important executive position

when I made that offer.

- This suits me just fine, thanks.

Well, your pleasure.

On the other hand, it may not be a bad idea

having somebody here to watch my interest

under these circumstances.

Don't screw me up on this, Webster.

I got a lot riding on this development.

- Hell, George, you'd think this campground

Was his idea in the first place.

You were the one that sold him on Memorial Valley.

- You sure picked a good spot for a campground.

This is beautiful.

I'm looking forward to working with you this summer.

- You're working for me, kid, not with me.

I'll try and do both.

College boy, huh?

- Yeah, Naturalist major, Dartmouth.

- Well, Dartmouth, why don't you just stand

Quietly over there while I take care of business?

All righty.

- Can I have your attention, folks?

I'm sorry for the delay but, as you know,

This is a brand new facility

So we haven't got all the bugs out yet.

As of this morning, we are without running water.

Unfortunately, that means that we will

Temporarily be without restroom facilities.

- What do you mean "temporarily?"

- Over this Memorial Day weekend at the least.

We're going to distribute biodegradable toilet paper.

So if you just give a little thought

as to where, there really shouldn't be any problem.

Maybe it will be helpful to think

of yourself as pioneers.

Well, good, now that all the softies have left,

There are a couple of rules I would like to mention.

No loose pets, no loud noises after nine,

motorcycles and ATVs are prohibited by law.

Oh, hell, I don't wanna hold you folks up anymore.

Welcome to Memorial Valley.

Deke, open the gate.

- Nice speech, but how you gonna make it work?

Pick up your bags and come on.

I'll show you where your bunk is.

Think you packed enough?

I hope you don't mind sharing

your cabin there, boss.

I live alone and like it.

You'll be staying at the camp store with Deke here.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

It's gonna have to be.

Look, kid, let's get something straight right now.

I didn't ask for you to come up here.

In fact, I don't even want you here,

"cause you're just gonna be in the way,

But your daddy gave us both a job

So I'm in no position to tell you not to stick around, huh?

Is that clear?

Crystal.

Good, come on.

Considering all the trouble

You've been having up here lately,

I guess I oughta be more careful.

- Why, everything that's happened up here

Has been purely accidental.

I checked it all out.

Deke doesn't think so.

- Yeah, well, Deke has a very active imagination,

And that's all.

The matter's closed, go get that.

George, something wrong?

- Nothing, broken window, that's all.

We'll fix it up later.

All right.

Hey, Byron, hey, killer.

Gonna get some squirrels?

Let's see those teeth, come on!

Good boy, good boy.

Byron, Byron!

Can I help?

Jesus!

Is that your idea of funny?

That your idea of accuracy?

Looks like you might need some professional assistance.

Take a hike, Dudley Do-Right.

I can handle this myself.

- Maybe I can save you 30 minutes.

I've got the time.

Maybe 40.

What's your name?

Sangster?

Call me David.

- Listen, Sangster, I'm sure you're probably

A really nice guy, but, well, I did come here

To be by myself, get it?

Got it.

Look, if you need anything.

Anything.

I live at the store.

Sure.

- Thanks for the nail trim, by the way.

Maybe next time you can do the other foot.

- And I thought they all lived in the city.

Dorks in the wilderness.

- Are you just out enjoying the wonders of nature?

- Do you see that gorgeous woman in site 22?

She's unreal.

What woman?

I got cigars older than her.

What's this?

- We've got to dig a couple of latrines.

It ain't healthy to let folks shit just anywhere.

Or didn't they teach you that at Dart-mouth?

You're too much, man.

- And I'm not running a goddamned dating service, boy.

Hey, look at that.

Hey, chick.

Leon, toss me a brew.

You shook the can, moron.

- I'll tell you about another can that's shook up.