South Park

so then, the guy hits the ping-pong ball with his dick,

and it goes right in the other guy's mouth.

hey, stan, i have a note for you.

a note?

yeah. wendy said to give you this.

i'm like a mailman.

what's it say?

"we need to talk."

ehhh, when a chick says, "we need to talk,"

you might as well just start

punching yourself in the balls, dude.

are you sure he has a problem, wendy?

yes. i've read all about it.

it's a real disease. it's called hoarding.

people who can't throw anything away,

and they just keep living in deeper and deeper filth

until the people around them just can't take it anymore.

is something wrong, wendy?

stan, we need to talk about your locker.

my locker?

every time i see the condition it's in, i just want to cry.

it just keeps getting messier and messier.

i think you have a problem.

are you serious?

it's so full of junk it takes you forever to find anything.

and lately you've been asking to keep things in my locker.

well, it's just a little messy.

no, stan, it's called hoarding.

and if you don't get help, i don't know

how much longer i can be with you.

oh, come on.

then can we throw some stuff in your locker away?

yeah, all right.

okay. i've hired some experts to help you with this.

we'll make this as easy as possible on you, stan.

hello, everyone. my name is dr. chinstrap.

i'm a hoarding specialist,

and today we're gonna help stan clean out his locker.

all right, let's go ahead and see inside your locker, stan.

what? come on. it's not that bad.

now, as part of stan's therapy,

we need to make sure we don't throw away

anything he doesn't want us to.

stan needs to feel like he is in control

or his psychosis will come out.

my psychosis? look, it isn't that big a deal.

i'll just throw this stuff away.

okay, great.

how about we start with this.

well, no, that's my pencil box.

- i need my pencil box. - okay, okay.

we'll put that right here on the floor.

now how about this? broken toothbrush.

well, it's good to have that

because sometimes i really want to brush after lunch, and i...

but it's broken.

yeah, but it works perfectly fine, and...

okay, okay.

broken toothbrush is going right here by the pencil box.

now how about this?

old sandwich in a baggie filled with maggots.

ew!

well, that, i mean, yeah.

i mean, i kind of need that.

let's just keep that.

it's full of maggots, stan. can we throw it away?

well, i might need it

if i ever have to, you know, like...

the maggots are crawling down my hand

and biting my wrist, stan.

can we throw this away?

well, i guess so, but...

wait. this is all happening a little fast.

can we just slow down?

now, how about this empty aspirin bottle?

well, no, don't throw that out.

can we throw out these wadded up papers then?

no, because there could be

something written on one of them that's important.

no, don't take my empty bottle.

give me back my sandwich!

dude, what's wrong with you?

i don't... i don't know.

maybe you should go and talk to the counselor.

stan, as your counselor, i'm here to help you

with whatever problems you might have, m'kay?

now, what is the matter?

well, my friends are worried

that i'm showing signs of hoarding.

hoarding? m'kay. what's that?

well, apparently it's when you don't throw anything away

and soon you find yourself living with a bunch of junk.

hmm, i haven't heard of that.

but it definitely sounds bad, m'kay?

mr. mackey, is there anything maybe you want to talk about?

me? like... like what?

well, like, you've got an old milk carton here

from a month ago that's like...

don't you touch that.

that's not something to throw away.

if you throw that away,

i will rape you in the mouth, m'kay?

i will rape you in your fucking mouth!

m'kay?

there's no doubt about it.

the school counselor here is a class five hoarder.

as for your son, mr. and mrs. marsh,

he's easily class three.

but why is mr. mackey doing this now?

yes, our son has always been fairly clean.

we don't know a lot about what causes hoarding,

but we do know it often relates

to some kind of psychological trauma.

if it's okay with you,

we'd like to run some tests on the both of them.

is that really necessary for stan?

it's just his locker.

i don't know if you realize

how serious locker hoarding is.

it can lead to room hoarding, then house hoarding.

in some cases, people even hoard animals like cats.

oh, yeah.

like that weird guy over on burgess road.

that guy, mr. yelman.

he's been hoarding animals for years now.

oh, no. really?

mr. yelman, we've received some disturbing reports

that you might be hoarding sheep.

well, i... that is, i...

it's okay, mr. yelman.

i'm a hoarding specialist.

what you have is an illness.

don't worry, mr. and mrs. marsh.

dr. chinstrap is a professional at memory regression.

this should prove very helpful.

all right, everyone.

we are all here to face the disease of hoarding together.

nothing to be ashamed of.

everyone here has the same problem.

whether it's office hoarding or in the locker,

or even the hoarding of animals.

excuse me, but i am a sheepherder.

it's pronounced hoarder. and yes, you are.

but i'm actually herding sheep.

yes, you are hurting sheep

by hoarding them, aren't you?

it's good you realize that.

no, but i just thought that...

now, listen, there's a psychological reason

you're all doing this, and we're gonna

get to the bottom of it.

we're gonna do some regression therapy.

i'll be taking you deep into your memories,

into your past.

m'kay, that sounds like it could be bad, m'kay?

trust me, i'm know what i'm doing.

i want the three of you to relax and think about a cloud.

a lone cloud...

floating, changing.

light, cool air...

blowing on the cloud.

float... aah! aah! aah!

- oh, dear jesus, god! - oh, my god!

sorry, i just got a weird gas bubble for a second.

anyway, a lone cloud,

floating, wisps of cool air.

now the cloud is near you.

you... you reach out to it.

m'kay.

it's the cloud of your memories, of your past.

your childhood, perhaps.

what do you see in the cloud?

who's in the cloud?

billy, billy thompson.

there he is. hey, mackey!

oh, hi, billy. nice to see you, m'kay.

come here!

uh, well, i actually need to get home, m'kay.

you snitched and told the principal i was smoking.

oh, well, uh, smoking's bad, m'kay.

aah!

you're gonna die, mackey! hold his legs.

aah! no, no, no, please!

aah! aah!

aah!

come back here!

m'kay, m'kay.

it's m'kay, they're gone.

it's m'kay, it's m'kay. calm down.

gonna turn on the light.

what? whoa, wait. what am i doing here?

shh! be quiet.

excuse me, where are we?

shh! you've got to be quiet.

billy thompson's out there!

what the hell is going on?

what the hell is going on?

the counselor's flat-top readers are calculating

with the boy's and the sheep hoarder's!

oh, jesus!