The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I didn't want you to have sex with anybody else.

Grace, if you'll have me back I swear I'll never have sex again.

But you have to stop with the drinking thing right now.

Betty? Yeah, Betty.

Actually, she waved to Grace's brother Tom.

She seemed to know him somehow.

I want a commitment.

I don't want you to have sex with any other guys.

Would you mind watching John

while I go to Italy with Ben this summer?

Let Ben go, Amy. Let him go.

The guy's been really good to you.

And to me.

And if he wants to go away for the summer, let him go.

My fathering a child is a bit of a medical miracle.

Really?

Will you marry me?

Hello, my name is Amy Juergens.

What is your name?

Ciao. Mi chiamo Amy Juergens.

Not my fault.

You could have said something.

I don't speak Italian.

Just learning a few phrases.

Wow. So you're doing so well in school

and you also have time to learn Italian?

You're a new mother. I'm impressed.Only--

Only? Only you're not going to Bologna.

You know you're not going, right?

Yes, I am going.

No, you're not.

Look, Amy, you need to face facts.

Young men of a certain age do not go abroad

with a celibate girlfriend and baby in tow.

Well, Ben asked me to go, and John too.

Why would he ask us if he didn't want us to go?

So that he wouldn't have to carry around his guilt in a backpack all summer.

I don't care why, okay?

He knew you wouldn't be able to go.

That's why he asked you.

And why wouldn't I be able to go?

Because you love him and you're happy

that he can get away for the summer,even though you can't.

But I can. I can if I want to.

Just let the guy sow his wild oats.

I'm not going to Bologna because I'm afraid

Ben will do something I don't want him to do.

I'm going because it's what's best for my son.

Every day is an opportunity

to be exposed to other cultures.

I want John to be exposed to other cultures.

We were never exposed to other cultures.

Mom and Dad never took us to Europe or Asia

or Africa or any place like that.

They never even thought about exposing us to other cultures.

Well, that misguided trip to the Grand Canyon

was more than enough family travel time for me.

I just want my son to be a citizen of the world.

He's not even going to know what part of the world he's in.

You would know. Yes, I would know if I were in Italy.

You could go, too. Yeah, Ben would love that.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

I'm sure he would.

Just like I'm sure he would mind

if you and John actually join him on his journey to manhood.

He's not going to anyplace like that.

I think he is. Are you here for a reason?

Yeah. Dad wanted me to ask you something.

Do you know Mom's engaged, or don't you?

Okay, headphones off. You're on duty now.

Hi, Ash.

Good morning.

I'll just be going now. I got what I came for.

What'd she come for?

You're engaged?

When did you get engaged?

I thought you were making eggs for the two of us.

You can't be engaged. You're not divorced.

No, I can't be married, I'm not divorced.I can be engaged.

Are you?

No, but I'm thinking about it.

I could think a lot more clearly if I had some eggs.

I really wanted some eggs.

You want me to make you eggs and yet you didn't even tell me?

Well, I was going to tell you. I just haven't yet.

I figured I would tell you after I had some eggs.

I have a really long day ahead of me.

We're working on a really big project, David and me.

Oh, come on. Don't make a big deal out of it.

It's not even official yet.

So I guess you'll let me know when it's official.I guess, yeah.

You know, if David's going to be around here all the time,

I'm just going to get in the way here.

John and me.

That's why I'm going to go to Bologna this summer with Ben.

And I'm taking John with me.

I'm an adult now. I have a child.

I have to do what I have to do.

Yeah, well, Amy, you have to stay here for the summer

and work and take care of John.

I don't have to.

Yeah, you do have to.

What are you going to do this summer?

David and I are still discussing it.

I guess you'll let me know when you officially decided.

I knew she didn't tell her.

Maybe she's not engaged.

I saw him put the ring on her finger a week ago

and he's been over there every night since then.

No, those two are up to something.

Maybe she said no.

And I think the question at this point is

are you up to something?

What would I be up to? No, it's definitely them.

What are they up to?

Well, they're having a baby, or they think they are.

Maybe she thinks it's not David's.

You know, and maybe that's why she's not wearing

that big diamond ring you think you saw.

I did see it. It was huge.

Why would she hide it?

Because she hasn't decided if she's marrying him,

no matter whose baby it is.

Maybe my vasectomy came undone.

Or maybe you lied.

That'd be a pretty big lie.

I don't even know if I'm even capable of telling a lie like that.

And if I were, I don't know what I would do about it.

I know. We could go with Amy to Italy.

We could summer in Bologna. It might be good to get away.

Yeah, it might, but A, we don't use "summer" as a verb in this family

and 2, people don't go to Bologna to get away.

They go there for something else entirely.

I know what they go there for.

How do you know? Amy.

How does she know? I don't know,

but there are lots of other things to do in Italy besides...

sex things.

Lot of those Vespas over there.

You like Vespas, don't you?

Yeah, I like Vespas, but believe me,

everyone riding a Vespa in Italy either just had sex

or is about to have sex.

That's why they drive so crazy.

No, we can't just take off and go over there. What about the dog?

We don't have a dog.

We can get a dog when we get back.

I don't think Amy really is going, is she?

She can't take John to Italy.

Well, that's what she's planning to do.

Well, she can't. We could.

The dollar isn't worth a peso in Europe.

I don't want to go over there.

Well, it's better than just waiting here

for Mom to find out that you lied about the vasectomy.

I didn't say I lied, did I? Did you?

It doesn't matter.

Still could be David's baby.

And it probably is.

Or not.

Good morning.

I just wanted you to know

that if you want breakfast, I can make it for you,

since your dad left for work early today.

I had breakfast earlier, Betty. Sorry.

Oh.

I have to get to school early this morning,

get to the library, return these books on Italy.

Right.

Oh, heck, Benjamin,

I-- I usually just slip out the back door

before you come downstairs,

but, well, today I decided to be brave,

and I marched upstairs

and I'm saying "Hello, stepson, let's be friends."

And I appreciate your bravery,

but research and several mainstream movies

have shown that the relationship between stepmother and stepson

develops slowly over time.

Lots of time.

Honey, there's nothing slow about me.

I mean, even I know that.

So. So.

I hear you're going to go to Italy with Amy and the baby this summer.

Is that really the latest?

Truthfully, I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation about that.

I love Amy,

but I really want to go to Bologna alone.

And I'm going for work, I'm not going for--

But I just want to go.

Well, I know you're not going for sex,

but if you were, you might want to get yourself some new condoms.

'Cause a lot of yours have expired,

and some of them have been discontinued for safety reasons.

That's good to know.

Yeah.

What time do you have to be in court?

Oh, um, it just depends.

They can't start without me.

All right, well, have a nice day.