Yellow Bird

Ah. Crap.

Come on.

Jakey?

What is all this?

Are you homeless?

No, no. I. I'm just going through

some personal things at home, and I had to sleep in the car.

Okay.

Can you let me in so I can get some coffee?

Fine. But just this one time.

Do I make myself clear?

Yeah, yeah. Crystal.

Okay.

I'll be back. Okay.

You're a bloody wuss, Jake.

Yes, you.

It's too early for this.

When are you going to learn to stand up for yourself?

Just shut up.

Jakey. Hmm?

Are you insane?

What are you doing?

Oh no, that was for someone else?

For someone else.

Who else is here? Hello?

I. I’m just, you know, caffeine deprived

okay, well, you're also Joe now.

Who's Joe?

The last idiot I fired.

Jake is my third husband.

Fourth.

What’s that sweetie.

Jake ass is your fourth husband.

I forgot, Brad.

Fat nerd ball.

Anyway.

So

My daughter Casey here was competing

in the little miss sunshine beauty pageant.

And I won.

Let mama finish her story, baby.

What I did.

I know that, baby. But it's very important for you.

Let me get my story out

fine.

I'm out of here.

She's at that awkward age.

So I was laying by the pool.

At mar-a-lago and Jake walked by, and he was wearing a speedo.

And he had moves like Jagger, and he had looks of Patrick Swayze.

And I thought to myself, now he is dirty dancing

husband material

But sadly, he's like every other man.

That I have married.

It was a successful PR agent when I first met him.

He was working for major corporations and celebrities,

and now he is building pyramids.

He's stacking them with cat food cans and toilet paper rolls.

At this two bit grocery store.

It's just it's just humiliating. It

it’s awful.

How was that?

You're a natural.

Now, if we can only do something about your roots.

How long have you been married, Jake?

13 years. Hmm.

That's not a very lucky number.

Ee

You ever tried counseling or therapy?

You ever tried counseling or therapy?

No. My wife Ellie doesn't believe in counseling.

Oh, you know, that sounds like my father before him and my mother got divorced.

Yeah.

Counseling is a sign of weakness.

Oh, no, no, no. I never said anything about divorce.

I believe in marriage is for better or worse.

Jakey, here you are, showing up to work with scratches and blood all over you.

You use a Cpap machine, and now you are living out of your car.

It doesn't get worse for you.

And you know what you need?

You need to grow a pair of these, jakey.

Right here.

All right.

Oh, my goodness.

Hey, tigger.

I run a grocery store here, not a bunny ranch.

I want to see you and Howard back to work, please, and thank you.

Chop.

Chop.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Jake, what are you doing?

Getting more coffee.

What does it say?

Scotty.

Underneath, Scotty.

Store manager.

Mm hmm. And don't you forget it.

I want you to finish that TP display that you were working on yesterday.

You remember that? And then you can get more coffee.

Thank you.

Good morning Mr. Rush. Scotty.

Oh, my goodness.

This hair, everything about it.

Gorgeous. Beautiful.

It's going to look even better in the grocery store.

Go show it off, girl.

Yep.

Yeah.

You see that?

I can do that sort of thing,

because unlike you, I know who wears the pants in my marriage.

Back to work, please.

No, no.

Little boy.

No.

I'm just reading what's on my clipboard.

Paula.

That’s the coward way out, Jake.

You think you're the only one whose life is crumbling around you?

I guarantee everyone in this store is facing some sort of dilemma.

That includes the pretty blond cherub

with the big blue eyes.

She does resemble an angel.

Why, thank you bright eyes.

Crystal. Well, what are you doing here?

Checking on you.

You haven't been in any meetings lately?

Yeah, I've been, you know, working a lot.

Your wife gave you those sketches.

Huh? Oh, no, no, I.

I fell out of my attic.

Details.

Well, yeah, I was up in my attic.

I was looking for my old art supplies because I thought

if I get back into painting, you'll be good for my soul.

And I.

Ellie, she kind of locked the door, and

there was just no other way out for me.

So.

There's always a way out. Bright eyes.

It's just gotta know when to exit.

So how did that gnome wind up in the hood of your car?

I'll tell you, I threw that name at Jake because he's a perv.

That's why.

So this one that I was home alone watching.

Here comes honey boo boo.

There was no food in the house except for a leftover rotisserie chicken.

That I already ate.

And so I was stuck in whatever meat was left

on one of the wings, and a bone got stuck in my throat and I couldn't breathe.

So I passed out.

And when I came to, Jake was standing over me, pressing on my chest

and blowing air into my mouth.

It was like, totally gross. Like.

Like weird uncle gross.

I mean, he's supposed to be my father.

Where the hell that is?

Hey mama.

Mama we are outta cheese puffs.

You almost finished, jakey.

Yeah. Almost.

Hey Howard one second, please.

Jake, while you're up there, would you clean that light for me?

Be a doll.

Ee

Whoa!

Clean up, aisle six.

Get. Out.

Paula.

Jakey.

What am I going to do with you?

It was an accident.

No, no, no. Oh, well, I thought it was on purpose.

No, you're a klutz, jakey.

You are a middle aged klutz.

Why don't you just fire me, then?

Oh, yeah.

And allow you to get unemployment from the government.

No, no, no. I don't think so.

Get back to work.

I want to see all this teepee in a pyramid when I come back here in 5 minutes.

Jake.

Hey tigger.

What's your favorite poison here?

Well, my favorite poison is not here.

He's over there.

You seem happy.

I'm not just happy, Jake.

I'm over the moon. Happy.

Divorcing Sam is one of the best things I could have done.

I didn't know you and Sam having problems.

That's because I knew how to put on a good front.

So one day I woke up and realized.

Time waits for no one learned to put myself first.

Here.

Have a bear claw.

They’re Howie’s favorite.

Thanks

A bear claw Jake?

Careful.