The Cat and the Canary

Here, puss, puss. Here, Mew-Mew.

Here, puss, puss. Come here.

Come along, come along! Here you come.

That's right. Don't fall, don't fall. Now then, come here.

Mew-Mew, Mew-Mew, come along, come along!

Mew-Mew, come along.

Where are you?

Mew-Mew, come along, Mew-Mew!

Mew-Mew, Mew-Mew, come along!

Good evening, Mrs Crosby. You're the first to arrive.

- Well. - Everything has been kept

according to your instructions.

- You've kept the place immaculate... - Mrs Pleasant.

Well... Mrs Pleasant, I can't say you've missed much.

Hm. Between the Bolsheviks on one side and the democrats on the other,

the world has become unrecognisable.

Mr West is safe?

Just as you left him.

The disintegration should be minimal.

It will be strange to, er... see him again,

listen to him again.

Shall we go?

Has the temperature been maintained?

Well, yes...

- Are you sure? - Yes, and the locks haven't been opened

- since you closed them. - That was a long time ago.

And yet, in a way, not so long.

20 years.

Tonight.

It's a strange feeling, Mrs Pleasant,

to find oneself opening something one closed 20 years ago.

Almost to the hour.

Happy anniversary, Mr West.

Welcome to 1934.

Well, Mrs Pleasant, I don't seem to recall

being informed about a moth

that has reached its maturity.

But I can't think how it happened.

- I haven't got a key. - Quite.

Quite, Mrs Pleasant.

I will investigate the local moth colony and find out who they sent over.

It's the spirit!

Open the door! I've been pounding on it for 10 minutes!

Just a moment.

Just another small moment, please.

I think your guests are beginning to arrive.

Most anxiously.

Good evening, Mrs Crosby!

- Good evening, Harry. - I'm sorry about the broken glass but I...

Oh, thanks, I will.

I seem to recall that breaking things was something that you know a lot about.

We're flashing the sabres early tonight, aren't we?

Flashing sabres? That's a subject you also know a lot about.

- You're full of charm this evening. - Did you come by train?

No, I drove. But the train is in.

I just managed to beat it to the crossroads.

You've got a perfect night for the reading of a will.

- Am I the first? - Hm-mm.

- How many besides myself? - I don't know.

Five were notified - five definitely live.

I know two and that's one too many.

Tell me, why do relatives have to be...?

Named Charlie Wilder.

Cheers.

Good evening.

- It's exactly as I thought it would be. - May I take your coats?

Why do you dislike Charlie so very much?

In the second place, he's my cousin and I don't like war heroes,

in the third place, I think he's a queer, in the fourth place, I know he's a gigolo.

- In the first place... - Because she is very fond of him.

- Score two for the will reader. - I'm not going to read the will tonight.

No? Who is?

Cyrus West.

There's an auctioneer in Swiss Cottage,

he could turn the place over for at least four million, cash.

Cicily, let's not get mawkishly sentimental.

I'll just die if it's me. Wouldn't you just die if it was me?

Not if I'm the next in line.

Oh.

Well, I suppose you can make do with anything if you have to.

- Good evening, Miss Sillsby. - Good evening. How do you do?

- May I introduce Dr Blythe. - How do you do?

Susan Sillsby, the noted sportswoman

- and Cicily Young. - Who is noted.

- I'll have a drink. - It's too early for you.

- She never drinks before sunup. - You both came up from London?

We came up together, we're roommates.

- You're cousins. - Yes, cousins and roommates.

Oh, but it won't be a problem. We're not planning to have children.

Where do you practise, Doctor?

I used to practise in London, Beverly Hills and Geneva.

Oh, the change-of-life circuit.

I know who you are. You're the one who opens the will beforehand

and changes the heir's name so you wind up with everything.

Miss Young...

I'm so happy that you're free.

You're to join us this evening.

It's certainly the perfect weather for the reading of a will.

Do we have to perform some special feat to be chosen heir, like during the crusades?

- I'll only perform what I do well. - Try shutting up, you do that well.

You said I did a lot of things well.

Would somebody gracefully change the subject?

Thanks, Cyrus.

Hi, Clown.

- Charles Howard Wilder. Good evening. - Hello!

Drinks for my family, for tonight we ride.

- Charlie Wilder, we're cousins. - I got this from an out-of-work magician

in exchange for some flying lessons.

- Would you do me a favour? - Anything.

Would you take me for a ride? If I went in a plane with Charlie Wilder

- I'd just die... - Any time, my pretty. Anything for a relative,

particularly one who may soon be very rich.

- Maybe it'll be you. - I hope so,

but I don't remember the old man.

Harry, sorry you could make it. Even you can have a glass.

Everybody should have a glass, no matter what they may have done.

Careful, you might get this right in your face.

It wouldn't be the first time, old boy.

Even one for you, Gertrude Stein. A glass is a glass is a glass.

Why don't you two make up and shake hands?

- I never thought I'd do that without gloves. - Aren't you wearing gloves?

Is it true you once doubled for Buddy Rogers?

- No, it was Ben Lyon. - Haven't you always been a double?

- No, during the war I was one of the leads. - Oh, really, General?

Didn't I see your face on something to do with clean teeth?

Be careful, Mr Wilder.

In the process of keeping track of the family over the years,

I've managed to... acquire some interesting souvenirs.

Well, 1932 wasn't a very good year for dogfights.

I only died 17 times.

- Really? - This is nice.

A perfect night for the reading of a will.

- Who are you? - This must be Paul Jones.

Nice to see you, relative.

Thank you. You're Charlie Wilder, the... the flyer!

- That's true. - I knew a guy who wrote a song about you.

D Charlie Wilder The highest flyer of them all d

- I'm a songwriter too. - Tell me about your exploits some time.

- You're American? - Yes, I had to be in London anyway.

You might've come a long way for nothing.

Or an awfully shod way if he's the heir. Hello, Paul, I'm strange cousin Susan.

- Are we all here? - No, one still expected.

- Who? - Annabelle.

Present! Hello, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Hello, darling! Mwah! Nice to see you.

Hello, Harry, it's really nice to see you again. Hello, Charlie!

- Oh, excuse me. - We've all been getting reacquainted.

This is Miss Sillsby, Miss Young, Miss Annabelle West.

- The others I think you know. - Yes.

- Excuse me. - Annabelle West, I'm Cicily.

Hello, cousin. Welcome to Elsinore.

Oh!

Hello! Hello, Paul.

It's really nice to see you again.

- Long time no see, as they say. - Hello.

You're Aunt Emma's boy, right?

As we are all assembled, I should like to begin.

Will you please sit down.

There's... something wrong.

- What? - That clock.

- What about it? - It hasn't struck... for 20 years.

Maybe it's out of the union.

It struck...

seven times.

And there are... eight people in the house.

Some of you...

may not live.

Are you quite sure, Mrs Pleasant?

The spirit...

is never wrong.

No, I mean are you quite sure that there are only...

eight people in this house.

On the 27th of September, 1914, Cyrus Canby West died in this house.

20 years ago tonight.

I was instructed to assemble all of his surviving relatives here in this room

at midnight on September 27th 1934.

Well, Kipling once wrote that, er...

the past is like an eclipse.

If you gaze at either too deeply you'll become blind.

- However, tonight... - No, no, no. Kipling never said that,

that was Joyce Kilmer, the American.

I hope the will is more accurate than your sources!

Excuse me, I think it was Kipling.

Kilmer!

Yes, of course, Kilmer.

In his most celebrated poem, Gunga Din.

Thank you, Mrs Crosby, I'm glad to see there is humility left in the world.

- You're too, too kind. - Can we start?

- When do we find out who the lucky one is? - Very soon now.

However, don't you think that all of you in this room

have been very lucky over the years?

- Let's hear it for the West family! - At least we have a celebrity.

- An almost-celebrity. - Aren't you, Miss Sillsby... well-known

for the many, many hunting trophies you've won,

as well as sharing the world record for the Bengal tiger.

She certainly is.

And you, Miss Young -

yes, Miss Young - are famous for shooting another kind of game.

Pity it wasn't Charlie.

Harry, you were well-known and successful.