Opus

Tamra is a legend.

Yeah, yeah, she's had two hit less albums back-to-back,

but someone else's take isn't the ticket.

We need hers.

We need someone who can get her to actually open up

and be honest.

Somebody who can get her to say something brutal or cocky,

whatever it actually is.

What does she still want from music?

What does she still think was,

you know, missing from that last project?

The only thing a story about a legend like Tamra Camden is missing

is as much Tamra Camden as possible.

Damn good point, Ariel.

I'd read that.

Thank you.

Uh, I mean, I would love to maybe--

What about Chris Wreath to write it?

I mean, he would be inspired, right?

Yeah, strong agree. I'll send him a note.

Done.

Okay. Good job.

Moving on.

On to the M.O.B.

It ye just driving me fucking nuts.

I've been there for three years.

Three years of my life,

and I haven't written a single real story.

- Yes, you have. - No, I haven't.

What are you talking about?

I loved that piece on that, uh... What was it?

Blind martial arts instructor.

- Oh, yeah, okay. - How'd he do that three-finger thing?

- Oh. Like... - It was like...

- Wow, you look cute today. - Stop.

- Okay. - Okay.

This is how I see it.

Step one,

write about famous people

because they're inherently fascinating.

That's where I'm at right now.

- Step two... - "Famous people."

Okay. Step two,

people start to find me fascinating

'cause I'm writing about fascinating people.

And then, three,

take that goodwill and

use it to write whatever the fuck I want.

What's the...

what's the end goal of all that, though?

Like, what's the point?

- Write a book. Like... - Mmm.

Books, plural.

Then, show people that...

I don't know...

that I'm a good fucking writer.

Show them what I... I think

and... and... and feel, love, hate.

But at this rate, I'll be, like, 35

before that ever happens, which is basically 40.

Sorry, no offense.

Whoa, hold up. I'm... I... I'm only 32.

- What the hell? - I'm like... I rounded up.

- That's wack. - That's my fault.

- I... I rounded up. - Okay, also,

is this one of those vents where you just need to vent

or one of the rare vents where you actually want advice?

Wow. Okay.

The former. Right.

Can you pass me the...

I am open.

I will take advice. I'm open.

- For real? - Yeah, for real.

Okay.

Well, with love and compassion,

I don't think anyone gives a fuck about what you feel

or love or hate.

Listen, you're only 27 years old.

You didn't grow up poor or rich.

You have a good job, a perfect bill of health.

No addictions, no enemies.

Hell, you've never let anyone in close enough,

present company included, to actually break your heart.

And your parents are perfect, which is why you always shit on my mom.

No, I always shit on your mom 'cause she's fucking crazy.

Your problem is that you're middle.

Which is okay. Most people are.

But it's experience that gives people perspective,

and it's perspective that gives opinions their value,

and yours is...

it's middle as fuck.

Okay.

This eel is delicious, by the way.

Yeah, it's really good. No, it's really, really good.

Are you okay?

'Cause I could... I could take that back.

The eel is really good.

So...

I mean, now is the time, then.

But why? Why is now the time?

I mean, all the pictures are dropping in.

Like, do you think he had a ton of work done to his face?

Probably, but I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing.

What's up?

There's a rumor flying around that Moretti's back.

Like, "Moretti" Moretti? Oh, shit.

I know. It's a big day for me.

Dina Simone was my first ringtone.

Dina Simone was everyone's first ringtone.

Well, don't be a dick.

Ooh, Stan.

You hear?

Moretti's back.

- Oh, my God. You, too? - I...

Are we done? Huh?

I mean, if social media wants to freak out over every rumor,

so be it, but you guys are supposed to be journalists.

Besides, no one has seen or heard from Moretti

in 30 years.

If there was an album,

I am sure they'd release it the same way he always did.

Uh, his publicist, Soledad Yusef,

would mail in a VHS of him

nonsensically just rattling off Moretti's career highlights

and proclaiming that a new album was on the way.

It was nauseating.

- Look at this. - What's this?

Hello, my loves.

Hello.

Holy shit, that's actually him.

It's been a long time since we've done this dance.

But I think this dance we do is a timeless one. Don't you?

A lot has changed in the last 27 years.

Oh, my God.

Can you believe it's been 27 years?

Look at me.

I'm like a silver fox.

Okay. I'm having too much fun.

Enough about me.

What about him? What about him?

Mr. Glam-boyant himself.

The Velvet Caller. Don Diva.

The Wizard of Wiggle.

The icon responsible for the highest-grossing world tour in history.

The only living artist to secure 38 number one singles.

Yes. Yes.

It is with... Ooh!

Unmitigated joy that I announce to you, my babies,

he's bringing you a gift.

The greatest album of modern times.

Future times, all the times, really.

And, in typical Debutante fashion,

he'll be playing for a select group of people this weekend

before he gives this new blessing unto the world.

And there is more to come.

So much more.

...Alfred Moretti.

Oh, shit.

He's back, my babies.

Ugh. Classic.

Truly a perfect album,

up there with Thriller, Hotel California, Nebraska.

There's a second one.

This is for, uh...

Ariel Ecton.

- Who? - Seriously?

So, what do you think of the news of Moretti

coming out of retirement?

Oh, my gosh, I mean, it feels like a dream,