The Neighborhood

Tiger Butler lines up for his big drive.

The gallery oohs in anticipation.

I said the gallery oohs in anticipation.

Ooh.

The gallery forgets Tiger let him live here rent free.

Whoo!

Oh!

Oh, a beautiful shot!

400 yards.

It bounces once, it bounces again...

Can you just get to the hole in one already?

It's your fifth one in a row.

It's his fifth one in a row!

He might just be the greatest of...

- All time. - Of all time!

Yeah.

Get in the hole!

Ooh! That's a monster drive, and it's...

in the hole!

The crowd goes wild.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but why can't you be more like Dave?

I didn't know you played golf, Calvin.

Yeah, I used to, but then I had

this one and the other one, now I'm a two handicap.

You know, I used to play all the time back at home

until a gang took over our course.

Oh, I didn't know they had gangs in Kalamazoo.

Canada geese.

For Canadians, incredibly vicious.

So what's going on, you playing soon?

Yeah, a customer gave me a couple of guest rounds

at Hillmount.

- Ooh, Hillmount. - Yeah.

That's exclusive. Well, have fun.

Hey, Dave, since you play, why don't you come with me?

Are you inviting Dave?

Yeah... are you inviting Dave?

Yes.

Uh, this Dave?

Yes.

Well, in that case, Dave is in.

Can Dave stop talking in third person? I only have two passes.

I'm sorry, Dave's just excited

because he's been waiting for this moment

for a really long time.

And Calvin's starting to regret it.

Malcolm's just really confused.

How do I look?

Like you're ready to hit a golf ball,

look for it, not find it, and do it again for four hours.

Can I come?

Ooh, sorry, buddy,

Mr. Calvin only had one extra pass,

and, uh...

he gave it to me.

Sweetie, I know how excited you are that Calvin invited you

to do something one-on-one,

but maybe you should try to play it a little cool.

I know, y-you're right,

sometimes my enthusiasm can get the best of me.

The last thing I want to do is...

Got to go.

Don't wait up.

Well, kiddo, I guess it's just you and...

Bye, Mom.

Wait, where are you going?

Next door to play video games with Malcolm and Marty.

I thought you and I were gonna hang out.

Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood for mom stuff.

What, Mom stuff?

Wait, what's that supposed to mean?

Well, there's mom stuff and there's fun stuff.

Wha...? I'm fun.

Yeah, but not like Dad.

Last week

we chopped a worm in half,

and it turned into two worms.

Well, moms can do fun stuff, too.

Ooh, I know, we could go to Color Me Mine

and paint some ceramic swans. You used to love that, remember?

Oh, we can go crazy and paint the feathers purple.

I'll be next door.

Oh, thank you, my good man.

Oh, sir? Yeah?

I'm sorry, there's actually no hats allowed

inside the clubhouse.

Good to know. All right.

You know what? Here's a little tip for the tip.

Thank you.

Calvin, what's going on?

You've tipped four people

since we got out of the car, including Michael Keaton,

who I'm pretty sure does not work here.

I mean, he was Batman and Mr. Mom.

That guy has range.

I'm just saying it's not like you.

Well, you know what else isn't like me?

Everyone here. Take a look around, Dave.

Okay, yes, we know you're the only one

who can pull off matching argyle.

No, Dave... well, yes.

But what I meant was I'm the only black guy here.

Huh.

Well, I didn't even notice.

That's because you don't have to have your antenna up.

What does that mean?

It means that you naturally fit in,

but I stand out.

That's why I have to dress sharp, man,

and give out a bunch of tips to people that don't deserve it.

Okay, well, what about Michael Keaton?

I snuck in the movie theater to see Beetlejuice ,

so I felt like I owed him.

Look, as the only black guy in the room,

you just know that everybody's waiting on you

to reinforce the negative stereotypes.

That's why I have to represent.

Okay, Calvin, I think you're being ridiculous.

No one here is seeing you as a representative

of all black people.

Are you sure? Because you're the only person

I know from Kalamazoo, and I assume that everyone there

is overly positive and always smiling

and giving babies high fives.

Well, yes, of course we're positive.

Calvin, it's the celery capital of the world!

I think it's so cute that Calvin and Dave

are on their little "man date."

Dave was so excited this morning,

it took him a half hour to pick out "the right pair of khakis."

Calvin tried not to show it,

but I could tell he was excited, too.

Oh, really? How?

I don't know, girl, I'm just trying to throw you a bone.

Can I ask you a question?

Do you think I'm fun?

Of course. Why?

Well, Grover didn't want to hang out with me today

because he says I only do "boring mom stuff."

Not the ceramic swan painting again.

You said you loved that.

Again, another bone.

Look, don't worry about it,

Grover's just going through a daddy phase. It's natural.

All he and Dave do for fun are violent and dirty things,

mostly to worms.

Don't worry about it, he'll come back around.

Now that my boys are grown, I'm back to being number one.

- 'Sup, mamas? - Mmm, Marty,

who's cooler, me or your dad?

Is this a trap?

Of course not, baby, I just want your honest opinion.

Oh, well, "cool" is kind of subjective...

No, it's not! Cool is what your mother is.

Okay, uh, well, it-it-it's kind of like,

Dad is cool in dad ways,

like when he restores old cars or schools everybody at poker,

and-and you're cool, you're cool in-in mom ways, like,

like when you cut my sandwiches into little butterflies.

All right.

Welcome to the boring mom club.

Oh, hell no. No, that's not fair.

Just because we have to be the responsible ones,

dads get to have all the fun?

What were you gonna do today?

Hello? Ceramic swans.

No, okay?

We're gonna show those boys that moms can be just as fun as dads.

Get your purse, we're going shopping.

For what?

- It's on, suckas! - Yeah!

We're gonna make you regret the day we gave birth to you.

I got to admit, Dave, your golf game isn't half bad.

You had me on my toes there for a while.

Yeah, until that stupid goose attacked me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, he got you good. Look,

there you are hiding in the sand trap.

And there he is finding you.

You know, I could've used some backup.

Oh, street rules, Dave.

His boys stayed out of it, I stayed out of it.

I'll tell you what,

I'll make it up to you. Lunch is on me, all right?

Uh, maybe they got duck on the menu, you can get some revenge.

Sounds good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom

and get this, uh, sand out of my pants.

Hello there, um, table for two.

Certainly. Uh, it's gonna be about a half an hour

to 40 minutes. Is that all right?

Okay, sure, um, name's Butler.

Oh... I gave my last five to the groundskeeper

to sic a goose on my friend.

We'll call your name when your table's ready.

I sicced a goose on my friend.

So the bathroom attendant told me

that it was mating season, so apparently

the goose was just really into me.

Hey, did you put our name in?

Yeah, but he said it's gonna be, like,