South Park

Yes, Eric?

Eric, this isn't working.

Heidi, no, please!

Heidi, Heidi, I would be nothing without you.

Okay? I'm sorry.

Okay? Please!

You called me a whore

and pushed me in front of a car.

Heidi, I was in a bad mood.

I told you ‐‐ that's what happens after I eat.

My blood sugar spikes,

and I get all anxious and then I crash ‐‐

Eric, you can't just keep being mean to me

and blaming it on your blood sugar.

But it‐‐ But it's true, Heidi!

It's all my mom's fault.

She feeds me all this crap,

and my body doesn't know how to process it.

Mom!

Mom!

Yes, hon?

You up my life, Mom! you!

How could you feed me like that, you bitch?!

Get outta here!

Eric, if blood sugar is really the problem,

then you need to change how you eat, right?

Right. Like, what'd ya ‐‐ what'd ya mean?

Eric, every time I've talked to you

about maybe being a vegan with me,

you just tell me vegans are pussies,

but then you try and blame food and your mom for ‐‐

It is the food and it is my mom, Heidi!

It is! I wanna be vegan with you!

I need your help to show me how. Please, Heidi.

I need you right now, more than ever.

I want to do this. Please.

You really mean it?

Yes, Heidi! That's how much I love you.

I'm vegan from now on.

All right, Eric.

We'll see how this goes, okay?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Okay, bye, honey.

That dirty whore!

Who does that bitch think she is?!

- Packing my lunch for me? - Her, dude!

Pissed off at your girlfriend again, huh, Eric?

She's not a girlfriend.

She's a controlling, manipulative whore!

That's enough, Cartman.

I am so sick of hearing you

call Heidi horrible things!

That's because you don't understand

how much it sucks to be in a relationship.

Hey, babe.

Oh, hey, babe. What's going on?

What are you up to?

Nothing, just telling the guys how awesome it is to be vegan.

That's great. You wanna come eat with me?

I can explain what I packed.

Yeah, sure. That sounds awesome.

I don't get it.

I just really don't get it.

How is she still supporting him?

She loves him, I guess.

But he clearly sucks.

She has to know he sucks.

What the hell is going on?

Well, it's not our problem.

It is our problem.

This is affecting us ‐‐ our whole school.

There's got to be a reason she sticks by him.

Oh, Heidi.

Heidi, you got a sec?

Oh, hey, Kyle. Hey.

Uh, listen, uh ‐‐

I‐I know you and Cartman have an anniversary coming up,

and I was just wondering, you know,

how do you think he's doing?

As a boyfriend?

Well, what do you mean?

Well, you know, like, some of us are thinking that,

uh, maybe he's not super qualified to be with you.

Oh, God. Not you, too.

Just, like, what are the things about Cartman

that you find... remotely redeeming?

Look, don't you think I get it enough from my girlfriends?

"He sucks, Heidi. What's wrong with you?"

Why can't you admit he's a loser?

"How could anyone ever go with him?"

I was just following my heart.

Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

You don't have to get defensive.

I just ‐‐ Who's being defensive?!

He's great! We're doing great!

I didn't make a bad decision.

I don't need you to stand there and say, "I told you so."

I didn't say, "I told you" ‐‐

You know, you don't know what Eric's like

when we're alone, okay?

He's actually really good to me.

Wow.

Heidi!

Oh, my God. You're not gonna believe this.

What? You were so right...

...when you said there were

vegan options for everything.

Remember how you told me about Beyond Meat?

Yeah, the vegan meat that's made

with all vegetables and plants.

Well, I tried it, and you were right.

You can't even tell the difference

between that and real meat.

Really? That's great, babe.

So now I've been trying all kinds of vegan foods.

You gotta try this. It's called Beyond KFC.

Oh, wow. It's all plant‐based.

Soy protein, and just ‐‐ Y‐You gotta taste this.

Just try it.

It tastes just like KFC.

I know, right?! Isn't that crazy?

Like ‐‐ Like, seriously,

how could you even tell that this was vegan?

Try the ‐‐ try the Beyond Mashed Potatoes and Gravy too.

They say you can even drink the Beyond Gravy by itself

as like a protein boost.

I don't know about you, but I could eat this every day.

Yeah, it's really good.

Delicious.

Guys, listen.

I think I know why Heidi won't admit

Cartman's a horrible boyfriend.

Dude, are you still on this?

Yeah! It's important!

Maybe she's telling the truth, Kyle.

Maybe Eric really does love and support her

in ways that we don't see.

You guys! You guys!

Have you seen Heidi? No.

Well, uh, we've been trying some different foods lately,

and, uh, Heidi's put on some pounds, you guys.

Heidi's getting fat?

Yeah, Token, don't start ripping on me

for having a fat girlfriend, all right?

Just try and be cool about it.

Hey, babe.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, Heidi. What's going on?

I‐I'm not feeling the best again.

I might see if my mom can come pick me up.

Pick you up? That could be tough.

I ‐‐ I know, but I just feel bloated.

I think there might have been something bad

in that Beyond Arby's.

Yeah, well, cool babe.

Maybe you should, uh,

just waddle on down to the nurse's office.

Can you come with?

Oh, sure.

We have to help that girl.

Can't you see what's happening?

Kyle, it's none of our business.

You're wrong.

In a way...

I think we're all going out with Cartman right now.

Uh‐huh.

Yeah, I understand that, faggot.

And you should understand how my balls are gonna taste

when your country starts needing money.

I don't give two shits about a treaty.

You're a Polish midget.

Come in.

Uh‐huh. Hang ‐‐ Hang on. I'm gonna call you back.

Yeah, go yourself, retard.

Mr. President, we have a problem.

People are pretty upset.

Oh, don't tell me people are still mad

about that nigger thing.

It's pronounced "Niger," Mr. President.

And it's a country in Africa.

Ooh, aren't we fancy.

Okay, I don't want a bunch "Nigers" in Africa

aiding terrorists.

Mr. President,

you need to be a little more careful.

There's an investigation.

A worker with ties to Russia

was found raped and executed.

Raped and executed?

Oh, you mean to death?

Oh, yeah, that was me.

Mr. President, people are starting to question

your oath to the office!

My oath to the office

was that I would everyone to death, remember?

Ooh, I 'member!

‐Me, too. I 'member! ‐I 'member that.

You guys be quiet.

And you guys just get out there

and put a positive spin on this whole thing.

How are we supposed to put a positive spin on it?