Peacemaker

Good Eagly.

It's very meaningful to me, but no.

No.

I'm not gonna eat it. You can have it, though.

Yeah. Yeah, I know, I saw.

Love you too, buddy.

Fuck.

- Hey. - Are you avoiding my calls?

No. No, not at all. I... I was working,

and I just, um, thought it'd be too late

to call back, is all.

But I have to go to work now...

- Lee. - ...though. I'm, uh...

- Keeya, I'm sorry. - Are you in danger?

No, not at all.

Okay, then why don't I come back?

Not yet, okay? I have to go.

Hey, you know, babe, we both lost our jobs.

And I... I appreciate

you taking this work for a couple months

to get us back on our feet, even though you didn't want to.

But right now... it seems like you're choosing this.

I'm not.

But I really do have to go work.

A year ago, Alan Kupperberg,

the billionaire CEO of Waresoft,

and pop singer Vandalia perished in a plane crash.

During their autopsies,

small insect-like winged creatures,

presumably extraterrestrial, were found in their skulls.

This is when we first became aware of the butterflies.

- - CLEMSON Since then, we've found the creatures

in a handful of high-profile politicians, celebrities...

...and titans of industry.

They enter the human body through one of its orifices

and burrow through to the brain...

...where they then are in control of the body.

They go through the butt?

I think that's just some, uh...

creativity on the part of whomever did the animation.

The butt is an orifice, okay?

That means they'd have to crawl through poop.

Just 'cause they're aliens doesn't make them gross.

Bigotry.

Superman's an alien. He's got a poop fetish.

- What? - Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, yeah.

He uber-liebes the old scheisse, as I understand it.

Where do you get this nonsense?

- Google. - Well, it's not true.

You know more than Google? Well, congratulations.

The butterflies' unique genetic structure

and chemistry interact with the hosts' bodies,

giving them strength far beyond that of a human being.

And what's the chimp for?

Chimpanzees have four times the strength of human beings,

so they're both strong.

Yeah, and we're supposed to get that

just by looking at this, Dye-Beard?

I thought that man and the chimp were friends.

I was thinking they were about to go on an adventure together.

This viscous amber fluid has been found on the premises

of all the dead butterflies.

Lab studies show the fluid's genetic structure

is dissimilar to anything on this planet.

The fluid seems to be the butterflies' only food source.

Which makes what Leota discovered last night

potentially significant.

This was on the bulletin board in the Goff home.

Leota noticed that this is also

where Annie Sturphausen was employed.

You fucking suck at PowerPoint, Dye-Beard!

Yeah, well, you can do it next time.

It's not like I enjoy doing this.

Yeah, you do! It's amazing,

the incredible amount of time you put into this presentation,

and how incredibly shitty it still is!

Okay, Peacemaker, shut up.

Dude, I didn't mean to put your father in prison.

Then why'd you put him there, you fat fuck?

Because I couldn't think of anybody else...

What about Ariana Grande, or Drake?

- What? - Brad Pitt, or Payne Stewart,

or Doug the Pug? Khloe Kardashian,

the Red Tiger from Voltron, Fran Tarkenton,

- Joe Montana, Joe Mantegna... - What the fuck?

...Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan, BTS?

- Eugene Levy? John Lovitz? - Fuck, dude, half...

Shut the fuck up and listen, man.

I'm giving you a list of people you could've done.

Danny DeVito, Will Ferrell, Howard Stern,

Baba Booey, Robin Ophelia Quivers,

Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne.

Bill Cosby, he just got out, he's got time on his hands!

Amy Winehouse...

Dude, Amy Winehouse is fucking dead!

Optimus Prime, Shipwreck, Cobra Commander,

the fucking cunts from Riverdale!

All right, next time I fucking have to frame somebody,

it'll be one of all those

fucking thousands of people you just mentioned.

- Yeah, tell that to my dad. - Peacemaker, shut the fuck up!

Do you all want to be here till tomorrow?

Do you have cable?

So, I don't want to stay here overnight if there's no cable.

- It was a rhetorical question. - Fargo's on tonight.

Oh, okay.

Well then, I change my answer to just ignoring the question.

Not another word.

The point is... the raw amber fluid is potentially

processed and bottled at Glan Tai Bottling Company.

Glan Tai is in Little Cork,

about two hours northwest of here,

so you all are gonna take a field trip

and see what you can find out.

I'm going to stay back and deal with the White Dragon situation.

Nice penmanship, asshole.

And Fargo's not on till tomorrow night,

you fucking nerd.

What do you want, Smith?

Heard you were harassing the guards,

asking for me all night.

I didn't kill that girl.

- Yeah, so you said. - So they all always say.

Yeah, but "they" can't prove it, now, can they, Lucy Liu?

Lucy Liu? Because we're both Asian?

How incredibly fucking clever.

What should I call you? Jimmy Fallon?

See, the problem is...

we impounded the car that was there that night.

That ain't my car.

Registration says otherwise, Guy Fieri.

And we have two eyewitnesses

who said that you kidnapped them.

Well, they're fucking lying.

And your fingerprints, Blake Shelton,

are all over the murder victim's apartment.

I'm running out of white guys.

Just take my prints. That's all I'm saying, okay?

Check and see if they match

those ones you found in the apartment,

or if someone's gaming the system,

'cause I didn't fucking do it.

Then who did?

My shithead fucking son.

You know you don't have to treat him like that.

- What? - John! You hurt his feelings.

He worked hard on those graphics.

Come on, I think maybe you're discounting how funny

some of the shit I was saying was.

It's not funny calling him Dye-Beard

for the thousandth time when he's told you repeatedly

- he doesn't like it. - That's just Peacemaker, man.

He's always giving people nicknames.

- Yeah. Thanks. - Being a bully's just

- part of his personality. - What?

Like how you used to call my brother Prince Charming.

Your brother was a handsome man. That was a compliment.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here

and say that I don't think he considered it a compliment

that you called him Prince Charming

because his penis was shaped like a scepter.

Are you kidding?

No, it was really bulbous at the end.

- He called me Thimble. - Thimble?

Yeah, I was a late bloomer.

I didn't go through puberty until my mid-20s.

I mean, I didn't care

'cause I don't have emotions like people do,

but the other guys, after Chris came up with

a nickname for them, usually based on their penises,

they would just walk into the other room and sob,

because that would become their name

for the rest of their life.

Why are you seeing their penises?

It's a locker room, dude. What am I gonna do? Look at a towel?

So you just stare at each other's dicks

and come up with names for them?

Yeah. My friend Veiny McVeinerstein

said I was like a gypsy, but with dicks instead of palms.

- But, hey, I got bullied too. - How?

By kids calling me a bully all the time,

and telling me I was abusive.

Hey, that hurt my feelings!

Plus, I think we're missing what's important here,

and that's how much Economos sucks at PowerPoint.

Look, just think about how you talk to him, okay?

What happened to the good old days

where you could just non-stop fuck with somebody

without them claiming to be a victim?

You have to admit, it was kind of sweet

how he wanted that monkey and that man to be friends.

- You want me to get these to the lab? - Uh, hold off a beat.

First, scan them and send them directly to me.

How do we scan fingerprints?

I don't know, take a picture with your phone.

Uh... well, it might be blurry because I don't have

that new phone with the macro setting.

Then borrow someone's phone that has macro.

And then have them AirDrop it to me?