21 & Over

- None of that ever happened. - Ever.

God, dude, this campus is awesome!

This is friggin' awesome. Are you looking at this shit?

This is beautiful.

Do you go to school here?

No, I don't go to school here. I'm too dumb.

But my best friend from high school goes here.

Yeah, it's his 21st birthday and me and my friend are going to surprise him.

- Whoa. Foaming. - Uh...

- Wait, is that a beer? - What? No. What are you talking about?

Honestly, man, I'm just so psyched to see my friends, man.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, here's the train station.

Yeah, dude, that's him on the corner.

Yeah, can you just honk your horn a little bit?

Yeah, thanks, man.

Hey, you fucking Jew, get in the cab!

Dude, he is such a fucking tool. What is he wearing?

I love him, but, like, he does dress like a fucking tool.

- Miller! What's up, man? - Yo, what's up?

- Come on, bring it in, baby. - How you doing?

- Dude, how you fucking doing, dude? - Good.

- You look fat. - What?

- Yeah. - I mean, I've had midterms.

- I've been stress eating a little bit. - A little bit?

- A little bit. - Dude, stop talking about your weight.

- How's Stanford? Good? - Stanford's great. Honestly.

Actually, yeah, how's Hakakiqua State?

- It's good, dude, I'm killing it. Yeah. - Yeah? Kill it! Good.

Dude, how's your family? And your sister?

- How's your sister? - My sister? Why are you...?

What? No reason. I'm just checking in.

You don't have to check in. She's my sister.

She's 16 years old now.

OK, yeah, she's 16, but in real life she's, like, 18.

No, in real life she's 16. That's the whole thing.

And her Facebook photos are fucking awesome.

Is that Cancun, where does she...?

You know, there's always this moment right before I see you, where I'm like,

"Why haven't I seen Miller in so long? It's ridiculous."

"We should keep in better touch." And then I see you and I'm like,

"Oh, yeah, that's right, he's a fucking idiot."

I'm just kidding, man, come on.

What if I said that about your sister?

What if I was like, "I wanna fuck Danielle." What would you say?

Dude, honestly, I would love for you to fuck my sister.

- Really? Why? - Yeah.

It would seriously be an honor to my entire family

- if you fucked my sister. What?

I'll bet you five bucks that I fuck your sister before you fuck my sister.

I bet you five bucks that I fuck my sister before you fuck my sister.

I'll give you five bucks if you fuck your sister.

OK, can we cool it with the sister fucking?

This is your friend's place, all right? Get out.

Oh, great. This is awesome.

- Jesus Christ, this place is quaint. - Thank you.

- Whoa! I don't know. - Jesus! Who is that guy?

He's kind of a good dancer.

What's up, VisionQuest? Boom.

Dude, if we're not as fucked up as that guy in two hours, we have failed.

I'd definitely wash that hand if I were you.

Did you see the headdress? He's The Chief.

No, he's a street person, dude.

Nice tie. You look like Jason Gordon-Levitz.

It's actually Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I actually really like him in 500 Days of Summer.

- He's actually a really good actor. - He is a really good actor.

Had a nice little transitional period, right?

- Third City from the Sun or... - Yeah.

- Jeff Chang! - Hey!

Yeah! What's up, bud?

Happy birthday, you tiny yellow son of a bitch!

- Surprise, buddy! - What are you guys doing here?

I want you to call your lame friends and cancel your plans

because we're taking you out tonight and melt your fucking face off!

- Yes. Yes, we are! - No. Wait, no, no, wait!

- Your face will be fine. - Guys! Miller, I'm not...

- Yeah, dude. - Yeah!

- No, no, hey, guys. - Wow, man, nice place!

- Guys, guys, guys, listen to me. - What?

I really appreciate you coming all the way down here, but...

Do you have any weed? I smoked all mine on the train.

No, no. Seriously, I can't go out tonight.

OK? I have my biggest med school interview, ever, tomorrow morning.

Shit! We should've called.

Jeff Chang! You're 21 years old, man. Your asshole dad isn't here anymore.

- Gentlemen. - Holy fuck, he is totally here.

Nice to see you again, Dr. Chang. How's Cathy?

I mean, Mrs. Chang? I mean, Dr. Mrs. Chang? Fuck me.

You still owe me $17.50 for that hole in my fence, Altman.

Uh, really? That was from, like, eighth grade.

I didn't know you still associated with these... people.

No, Dad, I swear, I didn't know they were coming.

Your interview with Dr. Collins is at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

I'll pick you up at seven.

- Your suit is pressed? - Yeah.

I had to call in a lot of favors to get you this interview.

Be rested, be sharp, do not embarrass me.

I won't.

Dick wads.

Look, it was so nice of you guys to surprise me,

but, listen, I can't go out tonight, OK?

This is like my whole life in one interview.

- Dude, I totally get it. - That's funny 'cause I don't.

- I don't totally get it. - Could we go out tomorrow night?

No, we cannot go out tomorrow night, because I've got tickets to Soundgarden.

You're a straight-A student, dude. You can go out one night.

He can't go out, dude.

Casey, first of all, you need to shut the fuck up.

- And Jeff Chang, you need to sit down. - No.

Come on, just take a seat, please, on your nice futon.

Because you have the wrong attitude right now, my friend.

Look, Jeff Chang, this isn't just any birthday.

OK? This is your 21st birthday.

- Here we go. - This is the day that you become a man.

This is the day that you get to tell every bouncer who's ever carded you,

"You know what? Sure, I get it. Yes, I look like a nine-year-old Chinese girl."

- What the fuck? - "But guess what?"

"Today is my 21st fucking birthday."

So, step aside and let the man come through.

Miller, I totally get it, but I can't go out tonight.

It's actually not your fault. It's your people's fault.

Your people haven't been in this country for a very "rong" time.

- What? He's more American than you. - My family built the rail roads.

Yeah, but, well, you know what I mean. Like, your people.

- What? What? - China. I don't know. Are you Chinese?

- Listen, the point is... - I understand what you're saying,

- but I can't... - In America,

in the United States of America, bald eagles and Budweiser,

you go out and drink because it's a sacred rite of passage.

- It's just like in Africa when... - Oh, my God.

If we were in Africa... You are so lucky we're not in Africa.

If we were in Africa, you would have to leave the village

and not come back till you killed a bear.

None of that is true.

- There's no bears in Africa? Really? - No.

- You have to read a book. - You're 21 years old.

This, as they say in Casey's home country, is a bar mitzvah.

- It's the American bar mitzvah. - I was born in America.

It's like... OK, it's like when an Eskimo kills his first penguin, right?

- Nope, they definitely don't do that. - Yes, they fucking do, Casey.

- I hate you. - In this country, Jeff Chang,

your best friends take you out and they fuck you with alcohol.

- I'm gonna fuck you with alcohol. - Oh, my God.

- Now who's with me? - Nope.

- Come on, fuckers! - Uh-uh.

- Mm-mm. - Whatever.

I'm fucking taking you out whether you want to or not!

I don't care if you're scared of your fucking dad.

Dude, we're all scared of his fucking dad.

I'm not! A little bit.

Also, if you do not come out tonight,

I will stand outside your bedroom window all night doing this.

- OK, OK, OK, I'll go out! - I can't hear you!

- This thing is super loud! - I'll go out, just stop! Just stop!

That's what I'm saying. That wasn't so hard.

What kind of asshole brings an air horn in his backpack?

Honestly, it comes in handy more than you'd think.

- Just one beer. One beer. - That's all I wanted.

- We'll take care of you. - That's it, man.

Nothing's gonna happen to you. You're my little baby tonight.

I'm gonna be 21 forever, you motherfuckers!

- Dude! How you doing? - I'm doing great, dude.

- Good to see you guys! - What's up, dude?

It's awesome to see you. Honestly, 'cause I miss you. I miss your hugs.

- Yeah. OK. OK. - Give me a hug.

Are you, uh... are you... Are you sure you're OK, man?

You're fine, like, should we maybe get going?

No, Casey, look at me. I'm fine.

- I'm fine. - You look fine.

- I'm fine. - He's fine.

- You know what this bar reminds me of? - What?

The night we won Rothenberg's Beer Pong tournament, and Jeff Chang

hooked up with that nine-foot tall chick who played the banjo.

- Yeah, what was her name? - Tara.

- Tara! - Yeah, Tara!

She was gigantic.

Man, high school was so awesome.

Speaking of the banjo, you still writing music?

Dude, I'm pre-med, man. I don't write music. I don't listen to music.

I can't even remember the last time I went to a show.

- Fuck, man. - Yeah.

Hey, you're still in for Sidewinder at The Gorge this summer, right?

- Hell, yeah! The Gorge! - Right, OK! The Gorge!

- Casey, what about you, man? - Hm?

- The Gorge, Sidewinder. - Oh, I don't know, man.

Aren't we too old to be doing the whole music festival thing?

Uh, I don't know, Casey, are we too old to have fun times?

- No. - Are we too old to spend a week

enjoying 250 bands play the seminal music of our generation?

Are we too old to drop acid and make love to white chicks in dreadlocks?

- I don't like dreadlocks. - Are we too old to take

handfuls of Ecstasy and dance around in fur... with other people in fur?

Yeah, we are too old for all of those things.

I don't like dreadlocks.

But, guys, all I'm saying is that we all graduate in May, right?

This could be the last summer all three of us ever spend together. You know?

Right, but I have a job lined up after graduation.

- What? - You got a fucking job?

Yeah. I'm working for Newbury Capital in New York.

- Dude, congrats, that's a great firm! - Thanks, Jeff Chang. See?