Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, we're all set up in there, Mr. Peralta.

Just sign here.

What's all set up? What's going on?

Ah, thank you for asking, Terrence.

You see, the food in prison was inedible.

All I thought about day and night

were the things I wished I was eating.

And you, Amy. I thought about you a lot.

Sex with you, just, us doing sex with foreplay.

Great save, babe. Thanks.

And so I decided to make my food fantasy come true.

Unbutton your pants and take off your shoes,

'cause there's gonna be a doinkload of sodium

at Freedom Feast 2017.

We begin where all great stories begin.

In the quaint little town of French Fry Village.

After that, we're gonna move our adventure over

to Cheeseburger Mountain,

which consists... you guessed it... of turkey burgers.

I'm kidding, it's cheeseburgers.

This is kind of just stuffing. You can avoid that.

But it's attached to the Thanksgiving turkey theme

'cause I was thinking about that a lot up in the jail.

And finally, we have a big old Passover brisket

'cause you know I loves my mom.

If you would all take a seat while I make a toast.

Kindly raise your two liters.

To freedom, to you, and most importantly,

to orange drank.

And sex with Amy.

To sex with Amy!

Sorry. Shouldn't have said that last part.

Oink, oink.

Good morning, sir.

Your expression is inscrutable as always.

And yours is extremely scrutable.

You want something.

A video game, perhaps?

Or a fidget spinner?

I do want both of those things,

but that's not why I'm here.

I'm back and I'm ready for a case, so what do you got?

A murder? A sui? A murder-sui?

They often follow one another.

Ooh, maybe you've got an avunculicide up in there?

The murder of an uncle.

I'm surprised you know what that word means.

I learned about a lot of new crimes in prison.

Those people real bad.

You know you can't work a case yet.

You've been assigned to desk duty.

Oh, please. Don't make me sit behind a desk all day.

That's worse than prison.

No, it's not. Prison real bad.

Those are the rules for anyone experiencing

a traumatic work-lapse.

It wasn't that traumatic.

You just said, and I quote,

"Prison real bad."

Look, I'm ready. I'm the same old Jake.

I don't know why you have an issue with this.

Rosa was happy to comply.

So, what, now I'm just supposed

to do anything that Rosa does?

I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?

If Rosa were to jump off a cliff,

she would've done her due diligence regarding

the height of the cliff, the depth of the water,

and the angle of entry, so... yes.

If you see Rosa jump off a cliff, by all means.

Jump off a cliff.

You jump off a cliff.

Gladly.

Provided Rosa did first.

Hey. Babe.

You forgot your lunch at home.

Aww, thanks Adrian. You're the sweetest.

Aww, of course.

I French kissed every slice of meat in that sandwich.

Pimento, welcome back.

How was Argentina?

Eh, it was kind of boring, actually.

Although, one funny thing did happen to me.

Still feels like you and I

have a different idea about what a funny thing is.

Right? Anyway. I should boogie.

What? Say good-bye to mommy.

Ooh, don't mind if I do.

All right, I'm just gonna look over here.

- Okay. I'm doing that thing. - Man.

- I think it's still happening. - I'm still hearing it.

Phew!

Hang on. Were you creeps watching that the whole time?

- Well... - Uh...

I'm just kidding. I know you were.

It's like an eclipse. You should always look at it

with both eyes wide open. Full on. You're welcome.

I love you, babe.

- Love you too. - Yeah!

Must be so nice having Pimento back.

I mean, you shouldn't eat that sandwich.

Something's wrong. He's acting weird...

- Er than normal? - Yes.

He's not telling me something.

You guys did spend several months apart.

Maybe it's all in your head.

Oh. Bitches be crazy,

is that what you're saying, Terry?

What? No, no.

I did not say that. I would never say that.

Not cool, Terry.

My relationship's in trouble.

Terry loves women!

Women be sane!

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life,

desk brother.

I don't think so.

This is just temporary.

That's what I said.

Join us, Jake.

You know you want to.

Both: We're going to Wingsluts.

My God. Charles!

Charles, Charles, Charles!

What's wrong?

Going crazy over here, man.

The only worthwhile thing I've done today

was take a Buzzfeed quiz about what kind of onion I am.

Hm. Vidalia.

Ah. Cipollini.

That was not the point of my story.

- Oh. - Desk duty is a nightmare.

Name one thing someone accomplished

while sitting behind a desk.

Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery.

Yeah, but think about how much faster he would've done it

if he'd got off his ass once in a while, right?

Well, just tell me what you're working on, huh?

Before the stapling starts again, please? Please?

- I don't know if I should. - Charles, Charles, Charles!

I need this, man. Just give me a little taste.

- Grand larceny. - No!

- Ow! - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

I just... I love grand larceny.

I know. I didn't wanna bring it up.

It'll never happen again, just...

Who got robbed?

- Sneaker store. - I hope you die!

- Ah! - Oh! That was way too harsh.

Charles, forgive me.

This is crazy, right? It doesn't seem fair.

I should be working this case.

Yeah.

I will work this case.

There's gotta be a way to fix it.

And I'm gonna figure it out.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

Yeah!

Wow, throwing your file all over the place, Charles?

Really immature. Yeah, you're right.

I'll go clean it up.

Well, figured out what's off with Pimento.

He's cheating on me.

- No. - Oh, Rosa.

I found his credit card statement.

There's a charge for a restaurant called La Palapa.

Two entrees. One flan.

- One flan? - One flan.

- That's cold. - Yeah.

Cold.

I'm so confused.

Both: They shared the flan!

Okay, but...

That seems like a bit of a stretch.

Nope. When it comes to cheating,

you gotta pay attention to all the signs.

During my year abroad in Japan,

I learned that the hard way.

Chiaki...

There was no Japanese tea sock.

But there was a Japanese man.

I wasted a year on Chiaki.

So, what should I do?

Maybe don't jump to conclusions.

No! Interrogate him!

Follow the flan, Rosa.

Follow the flan.

Right.

Follow the flan.

Guess what I'm holding behind my back?

Before we begin,

what are the parameters of the guessing game?

How many guesses do I get? Is there a time limit?

Forget it. You ruin everything.

It's the police code and ethics manual.

Chapter four. Page 83.

You should not have told me.

I never would've guessed it.

Now I've won.

This. This is what I've missed.