It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

No, your mom is the monster, all right?

My mom is the sweet one.

Oh, the sweet one?

Are you kidding me? Uh, look,

if anything, my mom's aggravatingly sweet,

but we're not having an argument about who's sweeter, what...

Whoa, whoa, hang on a second here, guys.

What are you going on about?

All right, look,

my mom's been calling me,

like, all the time, okay?

She's clearly upset.

Well, how would you know? You don't even answer.

My mom stopped calling me altogether.

Your mom stopped calling you

the day the phone was invented.

My mom has a great relationship with me.

- She never calls you! - She calls me all the time!

- Yes, she does! - But I have proof, anyway.

I have proof. Look at this.

I got this in the mail.

Is that, like, a ransom

Huh? No. This... my mom sent this.

Oh. Why would your mom write a ransom note to herself?

Oh, it's not a... it's not a ransom note.

This is just how she writes notes to me.

That-that's like a bunch of gibberish, Charlie.

I don't know...

Is that a hieroglyph of a dog?

Yeah, that's the animal my mom fears the most, right?

She-she feels trapped inside her own home.

There is no way

you could get that from this.

Oh-oh, okay, guys, guys, guys.

I think I have a pretty simple solution here.

You see, ever since I moved in

with Mac, and Dee and Old Black Man,

my surveillance system's just lying around in storage.

I got about a baker's dozen of cameras.

They're just sitting there.

I say we set them up in your mom's home

and find out what's really going on in there.

- That could work. I mean, yeah. - Great idea.

- You don't think that's creepy? - What?

He's talking about spying on your moms.

So what?

You can't spy on unsuspecting women.

That's horrible.

Uh, they're not women. They're old.

At a certain point a woman goes from being a woman

to just being an old person.

- True. - Well, what happens to a man?

A man lives and then dies. Why are we having this argument?

- A man remains a man. - Dennis, it's a great idea.

Okay, and no one's gonna get hurt.

It's not like they're gonna get exploited in any way, right?

No, no, no, exactly. I think once we have a look

at what's going on in there, we might find the situation

to be, uh, pretty comical.

Oh, it's so nice of you to bring us

all these lovely gifts, Charlie.

The plant, the globe,

and the little teddy bear.

Oh, no, no, no, no, Mom.

No, we aren't gonna touch the gifts, right?

Okay, we don't touch them. We just, we look at them.

- Okay. - And they look back at you and they... Hands off.

Mom, make sure you don't water this plant.

- Your mom's not gonna water the plants. - Oh.

She has a very nurturing nature. She would...

Oh, Mrs. Mac, are you gonna water the plants?

- See. - Oh, Charlie.

I'm so glad to see you.

- Yeah, okay. - I was worried that

- you were dead. - Why?

Oh, my mom also thought I was dead,

and she also loves me very much.

No, I don't.

Oh, she meant the first part.

She meant the first part where I...

because she can't imagine a life without me, right, Mom?

I don't give a shit.

- See. - I'll put you out

of the misery of this conversation. Mom?

Is there anything you want to tell me

that's going on in the house?

Anything that's bothering you?

- Anything you want to talk about? - Mom, is there anything

- that's going on in the house - What are you doing?

that you want to talk about that's bothering you

- What are you doing? - in the house or I'm asking my mom a simple question.

You're asking her the exact same question I just asked,

- so what are you... - Do you own all of the questions?

Do you own that question?

You're gonna steal my question.

Ow!

Mom, what happened?

She poured hot soup on me!

I was adjusting my undercarriage,

and I accidentally spilled it.

- She poured hot soup on her, dude. - She was adjusting

- her undercar... Wait a second. - What...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

We-we could also get some soup.

No, the-the video. We can go back and watch the video

- and see what actually happened. - Oh, we can watch and see... Yes.

- ...complain about the soup. - She's beating the shit out...

Gentleman, welcome to your moms.

Wow, man. This is a serious setup.

Yeah, no, it's no joke. I like how you moved the desk.

- All right, uh, look, - Yeah.

there was an incident with some soup.

And, uh, did you get anything? 'Cause I'd like to see

if-if his mom poured on my ma on purpose.

Oh, she definitely did pour it.

And she definitely did it on purpose.

There you go. She's abusing my mom, man.

It's clear as day, but what's really interesting

is what seems to be happening right here

in the live feed.

Oh. You want to sleep.

Well, I'll sleep you.

- Huh. - Uh... what the hell, man?

- That's your mom abusing my mom! - Well... No, it's not!

That's just one of those things, you know,

- like where... - What thing?

You know, where you're just like, you're like, it's like

a "Why, I oughta," but, you know, it's no big deal.

- Why, I oughta what? - Why, I oughta bludgeon you

with a hammer. But she's not actually gonna do it, you know?

It's like how Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners would always

say, "Why, I oughta." He was threatening to beat his wife.

- Uh, yeah. - Yeah. You know? I mean, it's-it's funny

- 'cause he's not actually gonna do it, - That was funny. Yeah.

even though the threat is always there.

- Yeah, he might... - Yeah, he might cave her face in,

- but he won't. He won't. Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. But he's not gonna, you know?

- That's... - Yeah, b... Well, that's funny.

But in this circumstance, it's not funny because it's my mom!

Right, right. Wait, actually, you know what,

we-we don't really know for sure whether it's funny or not.

You know, let-let me try something here.

Let me just...

You want to sleep.

Well, I'll sleep you.

Hmm. Well, what-what is that?

Well, I don't know, you made me think of, like, sitcoms,

The Honeymooners. I just thought, "This isn't very funny."

But if I add a laugh track, maybe, I don't know.

But it's not a show. This is their lives.

Yeah, but it-it does kind of lighten it up for me.

Well, yeah, it did lighten it. But I'm not saying it...

Can... can you play it again without the laugh track?

Yeah, sure.

Well, I'll sleep you.

- See, that goes right back to super dark. - It's a bummer without it, isn't it?

- It's not funny, it's not funny. - Yeah, no.

Yeah, but let me... let me just try it again

with the, uh...

You want to sleep.

Well, I'll sleep you.

- That's funny. That's funny! - I mean... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's weird, because the situation really isn't funny,

- and you add a laugh track... - I know, but the laughing tells me that it's funny.

They have timing, man.

- They have timing, for sure. Yeah. - That's great.

I don't understand. Is this a dark situation or a comical one?

Well, we-we don't really know yet, Mac. We don't know. But...

I tell you what, why don't we stick around back here

for a little while. Let's watch how this whole thing plays out.

You know? I'll keep sweetening the situation

as it calls for it,

and you might as well stick around.

Did you just ash in my tapioca?

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. All right, yeah. I like that. - This is gold.

- They got something, man. Like... Uh-huh. - It's really working.

I don't know what this is, but...

- What's this? - Oh, check it out. Mrs. Mac

and Mrs. Kelly have a classic comedic rivalry.

I mean, they're going at it like the greats.

Like Abbott and Costello, Tom and Jerry.

- It's amazing. - Huh.

Oh, sorry. Fly.

Buzz off!

All right, well, you know, if you guys are looking

for a comedy troupe that beats the shit out of each other

for laughs, there's nobody better than the Three Stooges.

Put me on the show.

- Whoa. - What show? It's not... it's not a show.

- Yeah... - We're just watching our moms

to figure out what the situation is.

Wh... I mean, it could be a show,

but, I mean, you're right.

It's-it's not a show.

Yeah, well it certainly looks like

you're trying to make a show,

and I think it's a good idea,

and I think you should put me in.

- Why? - Yeah.