Wynonna Earp: Vengeance

- Did someone order the spicy tuna?

- Mercedes, how many times I gotta tell you?

Hush. You'll scare the trout.

- As long as you're not telling anybody

that we're hanging out, Randy.

What choice do I have?

When it comes to purgatory friendships? It's, uh...

- Slim pickings at the fishing hut.

- A jiggler? What is this, trawling for noobs?

Shortbread martini?

- Oh! Do you add my nutmeg twist?

Please.

Okay, they're biting.

Oh, they're really biting.

- What did you do, bait the lines with crack?

- Sheesh, boys. Buy me dinner first.

Do you think we can make it to the cars?

We've gotta hoof it.

- Good thing I always dress for cardio.

Nedley!

Sheriff Nedley?

Randy?

Maybe a little.

Hell was cold and dark

and I've been on my own for years.

- Look, Loch Mess. I don't know what you are.

Not here for you.

But just to be sure.

This is the Ghost River Triangle

where bad things happen to good people?

Hey, bad thing.

Get away from her.

Sure, Grandpa.

Though, isn't she a little bit young for you?

Not that young.

- Way to kick a girl when she's down.

- She's the second best angler I know.

And she's my friend.

Look, I'm not picky.

I only need one of you to bring me the heir.

The Earp heir?

Wynonna.

Hey, snow snatch!

Not him.

You want Earp?

I've been her ride-or-die since high school.

But guess what?

Wynonna doesn't live here anymore.

Oh, I know.

But she'll be back

once I bait the hook.

Eenie, meenie, miney,

ho.

Not the face.

It's been through so much.

And I wish I could see the look on yours

when Wynonna Earp kicks your icy ass!

No. No!

Gentlemen.

Which one of you's gonna flush my back door?

Ah! I didn't even get to cheat yet.

You hit like a girl.

Hard and with perfect form.

- What kind of idiot thinks she can scam Paco Daisy

in his own casino?

- The kind that doesn't carry an ID.

Though you are one chips and guac away from a free chalupa.

Asshole.

That's na-cho's to take.

Hey, what's with the Wyatt Earp swag?

Right. Famous law man.

Old West Shootout in the O.K. Corral,

right here in Tombstone.

Guys, he's a big deal around these parts.

- White folks do love their violent heroes.

When they're feeling patriotic,

they spend more at the buffet.

Wyatt Earp?

- Just another apocryphal coloniser

who got a revisionist history thanks to his big gun.

Hey, I apologise, Chayton.

I assumed you were just the muscle.

- Got my PhD at Brown. 19th-century Americana.

- Your big words are being wasted here.

You want to jet?

Chayton!

Sorry, boss.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

I admit, that one hurt. That one smart.

Can't take a beating like when I was 27.

- Might as well give it up, girlie.

Your partner already spilled.

Partner?

Doc.

What have they done to you?

Turned me into a video game.

- When this is over, I promise you

mouth-to-south resuscitation.

- Oh, you really don't want this to be over.

What was your angle here? Hmm?

Grease my dealer?

Have moustache boy count cards?

- Oh, I'm awfully flattered to be addressed as boy.

Considering my advanced age.

Get this.

Blue eyes thinks he's Doc Holliday.

Wyatt Earp's buddy?

- You know, I don't love your tone.

Oh?

Doc Holliday,

the greatest gunslinger who ever lived?

Top 20 for sure.

I beg your pardon.

I would've gotten away with robbing you fools blind

if one woman could learn to bluff.

- Well at least I brought a weapon.

Sh...

Hey!

Ah-ah-ah!

It was in her Spanx.

Go start digging the hole.

Okay. Don't cheese your beans.

Peacemaker only kills demons.

Lights up when you point it at one.

Well, lights up for me.

And me.

You cheatin' hussy.

I think I found the boss's tell.

Paco is a demon.

- We're never gonna get that chalupa.

Stop by the cafe, Sheriff.

We just put a fresh pot on for you.

W- both of you?

Just when I needed it. Thank you, Chrissy.

- Hi, Natalie. - Hi, Officer Haught.

Go Blue Devils!

- Hey, Nicole. Looking good. - Hey, Kyle. Back at you.

How's your brother?

- I got those tulips you ordered, Sheriff.

Oh, Freddy, thank you so much.

I will be by the shop later, okay?

Well, well, well.

Ma'am, you, uh, you can't park here.

I'm waiting for my wife.

She's like a big deal in this town.

- You trying to nepo-baby your way out of a $30 ticket?

- I'm also hoping to get frisked.

Oh, really?

Mrs. Waverly Earp.

Mrs. Nicole Haught.

Ahem!

Public dis-gays of affection?

Kind of unprofessional, don't you think?

- Hi, Bunny. - Hi, Bunny.

- So, girls, uh, Randy Nedley didn't show up

for samba karate this morning.

Anyhoo. I gotta fly.

I gotta go ice my dojo.

That sensei Rick is very thorough.

Buh-bye.

Wow.

- I kinda miss when she was too homophobic to over share.

So what are you thinking?

- That my mentor, the sheriff emeritus, Mr. Randy Nedley,

often has one too many Beer Tap Blues

while out on his highly-illegal fishing hut.

Which I have to pretend I don't know anything about.

Still.

Do you fancy a drive

to the edge of the Ghost River Triangle?

- Hmm. I thought you'd never ask.

- Oh, also, I picked up the mail.

Oh, yay!

A new postcard from Wynonna.

Oh my God.

- You know, it's so funny to think about

your sister acting all touristy

at the place where your ancestor made his mark.

- It sounds like she's in a good place.

What now, Earp?

- Same as always. Just have fun out there.

That's right, Pork Chop. Wynonna Earp.

Crazy chick with a demon-killing gun.

Doc!

This was our play.

Get caught so you'd bring us to the one room

we couldn't breach: your vault.

You Earp slut!

- Oh, there's that high tone 'tude they love in Hell.

Which is where I'm about to send you.

Uh, may I?

I'd rather you didn't.

Ah!

Hi.

Hello.

You like that?

- It is always a treat watching you do what you do best.

- There's one more thing I'm pretty good at.

- Need I remind you that we're here to crack a safe.