Bob Hearts Abishola

Thank you so much for coming.

What is the emergency?

Well, I... I guess I could've told you over the phone,

but I wanted to see your face.

Okay, my face is here. Tell me.

My dear, wonderful Abishola...

...you're gonna be an auntie!

Oh, my God, you are having a baby?

I am! I did not even know you were dating someone.

I'm not.

- Have you told the father? - I have no idea who it is.

Christina!

But it's gonna be one of the dudes

in this binder.

You keep a record of all the men you have slept with?

Yes. But not this one.

These are potential sperm donors.

Oh, so you are not pregnant?

Not yet, but my womb is willing.

One might say eager.

And you have not slept with all these men?

Oh, I wish.

Especially this guy-- six-foot-five and Swedish.

Viking sperm.

Okay, so what do you want from me?

IVF is a long process.

There's fertility shots, egg retrieval, embryo transfer.

I'm gonna need someone to lean on.

Of course, I'll be there for you.

Great.

What do you say we make it official,

and you shoot these hormones in my ass?

It will be my pleasure.

Oh!

This is gonna be fun.

Uh-huh. On three?

Okay, sure.

One.

Ow!

What happened to "three"?

This has to be fun for the both of us.

Hmm. That poor woman.

Having a baby all on her own.

It is Christina's choice.

Is she at least going to invent a heroic father?

Perhaps one who died saving children

from a burning orphanage?

No, but that's very good,

I'll suggest it to her.

Mm-hmm.

She doesn't need a cover story.

She's a liberated woman, and she can hold her head up high.

Nonsense.

This is what happens when you give women too many rights.

I raised Dele on my own, and he turned out great.

Mm-hmm.

Did he?

Yes!

Even now he has chosen to become a dancer?

Yes.

Do you even believe what you are saying?

Yes.

Don't listen to her.

Dele is a great kid, and he's gonna make you proud.

Yes! Hmm.

Even if he performs in ballet wearing a leotard?

Yes.

Have you spoken to your sister lately?

No. Why?

You should talk to her.

Oh, God. What's going on?

It is not my place to say.

Too late. Tell me.

Are you familiar with in vitro fertilization?

Please tell me she's breeding horses.

Christina is planning on having a baby.

And she told you?

I'm a nurse. She wants my help.

You want to help her? Talk her out of it.

She's a grown woman, Bob.

Is she?

And the process has already started.

Ah, damn it.

You need to be supportive of this.

She's very nervous.

Well, she should be.

She's not capable of raising a child by herself.

She will learn. She has a lot more going for her

than I did when I had Dele.

No, it's different. You're you.

You're smart, independent, strong.

And she's...

Come on, talk her out of it!

Bob, she has a right

to do whatever she wants with her body.

Do you know how long turtles live?

Up to 100 years.

You know how long hers lived?

We don't know! She lost it!

Well, this is happening, so you might as well be happy for her.

Yeah, I guess I can pretend.

Yay. I'm so happy for you.

Maybe just give her money.

That I can do.

Okay, on a count of three.

Don't mess with me this time.

Of course not.

One.

Ow!

Still fun.

You've got a little sadist in ya.

I do.

Just so you are aware,

sometimes the hormones can affect your mood.

Yes, I'm aware, and that's not going to happen with me.

Probably not, but I just thought you should know.

I do know.

Why do you think I'm reading all this baby crap?

You are right. I'm sorry.

Do you think I'm just sitting around here

waiting for Nurse Abishola

to tell me how my body works?

No.

Good.

You bought a breast pump?

Yes! What's it to you?!

What is it to you?

You are not even pregnant.

I need to practice!

I have very sensitive nipples!

Okay.

Okay.

You didn't tell Bob I was doing this, did you?

Of course not.

- Huh. - What?

He Venmo'd me a thousand dollars for no reason.

Oh. Maybe he's just a nice guy who loves his sister.

Oh, grow up, will you?

So... what do you think?

I think...

Yay! I'm so happy for you.

Really?

Of course. I'm 100% behind you.

Oh, thank you so much, big brother.

Now I just have to find the courage to tell Mom.

I'm sure she'll be very loving and supportive.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.

Hello!

She's here.

Okay, you can do this.

There should be a way to choose "no woman driver" on Uber.

Maybe wait.

Wait for what?

Uh, Christina has some good news.

Oh, that'll be a first.

I've started IVF treatment.

I'm going to have a baby and raise it on my own.

Oh.

I don't need your approval. I don't need your permission.

This is something I've chosen for myself...

Aw. Come here!

What's happening?

I'm so happy for you.

Now, that is how you pretend.

You're really okay with this?

Of course. It's better than getting knocked up

by some loser you'll just drive away.

There's our mom.

I'm finally gonna have a grandbaby!

What about Dele?

Oh, he showed up already cooked.

I want one I can put my stink on.

That's really sweet, Mom.

I almost lost hope.

Lord knows the ship has sailed with these two.

No ship has sailed.

It hasn't?

We could still have a baby if we wanted to.

But you decided not to.

I never said "no."

So you want a baby?

I did not say that.

So you don't want a baby?

I did not say that, either. Listen to me.

You're not saying anything!

Because there's no talking to you!

Let's go.

All this yelling is bad for your eggs.

We are done yelling.

Bob has made up his mind.

I don't even know what the hell's happening!

Here's a weird question.

Any of your friends at school have a dad that's...

a little older?

What do you mean? Like, 50?

Older.

Mm. Let me think.

One kid has a dad that uses a walker

and an oxygen tank on a little cart.

He's got to be pretty old.