South Park

Aghghghgh.

Aghghghgh.

Well there's no doubt about it Those tonsils need to come out.

What?

Oh, what exactly does that entail, doctor?

It's a very simple operation.

We'll just put you to sleep, Eric, and when you wake up you'll be tonsil-free!

No way.

I'm not going to the hospital, mom!

Oh, I thought you were a tough kid.

You're not scared of hospitals, are you?

No, I'm not scared.

I just, I don't want my tonsils out, that's all.

Well, then I guess you don't want all the ice cream you get after the surgery either.

Ice cream?

Be a shame to have to give all that free ice cream to the big boys who aren't scared of the hospitals.

What do you say, champ? Think you can tough it out?

Well, you did say free ice cream?

Poopsiekins, wake up.

Wake up, honey.

It's, it's over?

That's right! You did it, poopsiekins!

It's over!

I don't feel anything.

You were right, mom!

I'm so proud of you, Eric.

All right. So where's my ice cream?

Oh, here's the doctor now.

Hi, doctor.

You were right, doctor.

Everything is okay.

No, it's not.

Eric, i'm afraid that we've accidentally infected you with the aids virus.

- What? - What's that supposed to mean?

During the tonsil surgery we had to supply you with donor blood,

a mistake was made and you were given blood contaminated with hiv.

It was a one in a billion fluke.

I have aids?

Not yet, but we've confirmed that you now have the virus that causes aids.

We are very sorry.

Sorry?

You gave me aids and you're sorry?

Oh, my poor little baby!

Mom, you said nothing would go wrong!

Oh, god!

Oh, no!

No, no, this is a joke, right?

This is a joke! I can't have aids!

We are going to do everything in our power to make this up to you, Eric.

For starters, I think I owe you some ice cream!

Your ice cream!

You said I'd be fine!

You all said I'd be fine!

My baby has hiv!

No!

Thank you for coming, everyone.

Boys, please take a seat.

What's going on? Are we in trouble?

Boys, the reason we called you all in is because one of your friends has a serious illness.

Eric Cartman has been diagnosed with hiV.

What?

Oh, no.

He's been to several specialists since a botched blood transfusion.

The disease is in very early stages and completely manageable,

but he's naturally, a bit scared.

Cartman has hiv?

We need everyone to understand that you can't get the virus from Eric.

You can still give him hugs and even kisses.

Don't be afraid of him. Just -

Excuse me.

Eric Cartman has hiv.

All right, we're going to bring Eric in now.

And let's all be as supportive as we can and show him lots of love, okay?

Eric? Come on in.

Your friends all want to say hi, m'kay?

- Hi, Eric. - Hey, there, Eric.

No way.

How you doing, Eric?

You know, I think you're a real special little guy.

And even though you have aids, I ain't gonna act any different towards you.

God dammit, this sucks ass!

Excuse me.

I, I have to step out for a minute.

Poor ol' Kyle.

He's really taking it hard.

Is Kyle laughing out there?

This isn't time for funny jokes! I'm going to die.

Now, you're not going to die, Eric.

Aids isn't as big a deal as it used to be.

There are advances in treatment.

Not a big deal?

Is that how everyone feels?

People need to understand the seriousness of this illness

and the bravery of the people who struggle with it!

We are here tonight to salute the bravery and the courage of one very special little boy who is living with hiv

Where the hell is everybody?

Excuse me. Shouldn't we wait for everyone to arrive before we get started?

This is everyone.

We didn't sell that many tickets.

Great benefit, Eric.

The italian meatballs are fantastic.

So this is it?

I'm afraid aids benefits aren't as popular as they used to be.

Aids was more the '80s/'90s disease.

It's all about cancer now.

Well, that's just great!

Of all the times to get aids, I get it right when everyone stops giving a crap!

With all of your help, we have raised over $17 for aids tonight,

and that money will certainly go towards helping little Eric Cartman.

Just bring out Elton John already!

Uh, we're sorry.

Elton couldn't make it.

He had to play at a cancer benefit.

It's all right. We got somebody better.

Jimmy Buffet!

Jimmy Buffet?

Hello, everyone.

I wrote this song for a very brave little boy.

Aids burger in paradise aids burger and it ain't nice

Nobody likes Jimmy Buffet except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the south!

Little boy in south park

dying of aids in the cold dark

how he got aids I haven't a clue wasting away again

because of aids how're we all feeling tonight?

You, Jimmy Buffet!

You Suck!

Oh, poopsiekins, be nice.

You, mom. I have Aids!

Hey, guys, thanks a lot for coming to my aids benefit yesterday.

Oh, dude, was that yesterday? We forgot.

Yeah, you forgot.

Just like a lot of people lately have forgot that aids is still killing people.

Seems like all of america has forgot that hiv is a serious disease.

Well, did Elton John sing a song for you?

No, as a matter of fact Jimmy Buffet came instead.

Oh, yeah.

It's real Funny, Kyle!

I'm sorry.

I'm - really!

Cartman, I feel really bad for you.

Honestly.

- No,you don't. - I do.

If you really felt bad, you'd wipe that Smirk off your face!

Well, any god dammed second, Kyle!

I'm sorry. I gotta get home.

Jesus Christ,can you believe that asshole?

He does feel bad for you, Cartman.

He just thinks it's...

ironic.

Ironic how?

Well, you know you're always such a dick and stuff and now -

Oh, and what, I deserve it?

Is that what you think?

Not me!

That's kind of what he thinks.

Nobody deserves this illness, Stan!

Kenny!

Nobody!

It's awful!

And maybe somebody needs to teach Kyle how to have some compassion.

Ugh, okay.

It's clear.

All right. Get that rope ready to hoist me.

All right, but what are you going to do?

Kyle thinks that hiv is funny, so we're going to make him look funny

and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.

I just, I don't know that I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.

Butters, helping people who have aids is one of the most important things you can do.

I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?

I'm not just sure, Butters.

I'm hiv positive.

Oh, yeah. I guess that's true.

All right. Now get the rope up over that third rafter above the window.

That's the easiest access.

Wow! You really know what you're doing.

Yeah, I sneak into Kyle's room lots of times.

You think hiv is something to be laughed at, Kyle?

Well, let's just see how funny it is now, asshole.

Ugh - what?

Ugh.

There, there, boobie. You'll be okay.

Oh, doctor, did you find anything? Is it strep?

No, it isn't strep.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

Mrs. Broflovski, has your son ever had a blood transfusion?

No, why?

Little boy, have you been having unprotected anal sex?

What? No!

Doctor, what are you saying?

We've run every test imaginable.

Little Kyle here is infected with hiv

- What? - Hiv?

It took us a long time to narrow it down, but there is no doubt.

No! That's impossible!

Little boy, are you sure you haven't taken it up the hoo-hoo just once or twice?

No! No, god dammit! No!

I'm telling you you're wrong!

There is no way I can have hiv, unless maybe...

oh, my god.

That son of a bitch!