Hot Date

That is so funny!

I love you guys.

Is what we would be saying if our

so-called friends had showed up!

I'll give 'em 5 more minutes.

It's been two and a half hours.

I'm gonna take these two chairs.

I told you we have friends!

Coming!

We have friends coming.

Why are you still here?

I can't believe Stan and Holly stood us up.

Can you even get stood up on a double date?

I mean isn't it just a regular date now?

Yeah right, two people at a four person table?

We look ridiculous!

Like them.

Disgusting.

At least they have an excuse.

All their friends are probably dead.

Lucky.

Adult friends suck.

I miss when I was a kid and everyone was forced to invite me

to their birthday parties.

They didn't even do us the courtesy

of a last-minute bail text?

I wanna give them a piece of my mind.

Tell 'em they suck.

"Hey Stan, you suck!"

The night is much better without you here.

No one has asked to see an allergy menu or request

their fries be made in a different deep-fryer,

"you gluten free fuck!"

Ooh!

Tell him his flakiness is indicative of a larger

problem with commitment.

"You and Holly won't last, not"

that she's any prize either."

Ooh!

Tell him she banged that fireman when they were on a break!

Already did.

"You'll be happy to know that Emily and I are having"

a fine time on our regular date.

This is a two person table by the way.

"Peace, bitch!"

Owned that dude.

Yeah.

That's Holly.

Stan's dad died.

Ooh...

If I delete texts from my phone do they

get deleted from his phone?

No.

"Hey Stan, I was hacked.

Hope you didn't get any weird messages."

Friends.

When I was a kid, they were everything.

Then I got older.

I had some kids of my own.

Settled down.

And my friends, they did the same.

And suddenly, my entire social circle just disappeared.

That's why I'm doing this podcast.

To help find them.

I'm Sam Keurig.

And this, is For Real.

Where have all my friends gone?

What about Jason and Kasey?

They had a baby and became puke-covered shut-ins.

Sanjay and Elise?

They're planning a wedding.

Which, better be in driving distance by the way.

Mike and Laura?

No thank you.

I mean every since they stopped drinking they've been so healthy

and active its exhausting.

No, Mike and Laura!

Murph!

Emily!

Oh my gosh, hey guys!

We haven't seen you since we took you on that

twelve mile urban hike!

Haha, thought that was gonna be a bar crawl.

Won't make that mistake again.

We're actually going apple picking tomorrow and then

stopping by an artisanal food truck festival.

You two should come along!

Yeah!

Absolutely not.

Say yes and then we'll cancel later!

Sorry, yes.

That is a resounding "yes" from us.

We're actually about to grab a drink, you want to join?

I thought you guys didn't...

Forget what I thought.

Yes!

C'mon there's a great place down the block!

And we are running.

I guess we have to follow them?

Okay, I don't like how this feels.

I reached out to an old friend, Luke.

To see if he had any insight.

I mean, you did always disappear when

you were in a relationship.

Like, we had this running joke that we knew you got dumped

because you would reappear out of nowhere and

be like "let's get brunch!"

Honestly, you were kind of a dick.

She's here!

Okay, um, to single life?

Yes!

I feel so free!

It is so good to have you back.

You didn't call us for the entire time

you were in a relationship.

Ow.

Harsh, Megan.

But actually though, honest to God, I deserve it.

I am sorry that I was such a bad friend when I was with Brad.

But ever since we broke up again last night,

I've actually had like...

A revelation.

Relationships come and go but friendships, they last forever.

Okay, forgiven.

I just like, love being single.

It's been a day...

Like the woman who was with Brad

is like a stranger to me.

Who is that?

Oh no.

A day...

I don't want to deal with this.

Are you kidding me.

Oh no.

Okay, real talk, you guys must've hated Brad.

He sucked!

I actually kinda liked him.

Tell her Brad sucked.

Why?

She's just gonna get back with him.

That is a chance we have to take.

You know what, I actually think he was

starting to lose his hair.

Literally, yes.

I didn't want to say anything but I

love that you were willing to.

Also he was like totally standing in the way of the three

of us being three single sluts just slutting it up together.

Single women roll call!

Bridget!

Sue!

Megan?

Et Tu, Megan?

I kinda moved in with Don.

Did you know about this?

Only from Facebook.

I'm sorry, are you like trying to punish me.

You found a boyfriend, fell in love, and moved in

together to teach me a lesson?

Well point taken you can break up with him now.

I'm not breaking up with him!

This is like so childish.

Really?

I've been with Don for a year, you would know that if you

hadn't fallen off the face of the planet!

Okay, I'm actually going through something right

now, so I'm gonna to need you to stop being selfish and break up

with your live-in boyfriend.

I am too old for this.

My therapist told me to cut toxic people out of my life.

So goodbye!

Wait you're cutting me off?

Not your toxic boyfriend because your boyfriend is a toxic one!

He's ruining our friendship!

I hate guys!

Its not cheating to like someones picture.

So you'd be cool if I just like anyone's post?

Okay, I liked his post because I like his tattoo.

It's on his freaking pelvic line,

right next to his junk!

You liked his dick.

Okay I'm not doing this right now, we are

out with friends Darius, chill.

Are you guys okay?

Yeah...

Absolutely.

Cool, well we were just talking about

that tiny house documentary.

Alright I'm gonna stop you right there

because it blew my mind.

Like, why am I spending all this money on rent when I could just

be living in a storage unit in Montana.

It just really goes to show...

...how much better things can be

If you live

A simpler life.

Hey, Denise, maybe you want to put

your phone on like a napkin?

Yeah, that's a really good call, I'm gonna do that.

Is everything cool?