¡Asu Mare! Los amigos

MIRONES, YEARS AGO

The players are on the field,

and everything is ready for the final match to begin!

Let's see who will take home the Neighborhood Cup.

Poroto has the ball. Culi goes for it.

Poroto breaks free.

Culi marks him. He's in front of the goal. He shoots.

It hits the top of the wall. Not a goal. We're going to a penalty shootout.

Lechuga shakes his head. Poroto squares up to the ball.

He runs up. A powerful shot.

Goal! Goal by Poroto!

Culi focuses.

Lechuga watches him.

Culi takes a step back. He shoots.

The ball is out… No, it's in! And goal!

Goal! The goalie looks disappointed.

Cachín is up.

A powerful, low shot from Cachín.

Goal!

What's this? The stands collapsed.

Now it's Chato's turn.

Lechuga pumps himself up with a battle cry.

We've come to expect exceptional shots from Chato.

Wait, what's this? What happened, Chato?

He fell down again!

The game ends in a big hug

because friendship really is the greatest thing in the world.

Let's go, Peru!

Next stop, the World Cup!

Hurry up, or they'll catch us! Run!

C'mon, Chato.

-I can't keep running. -Me neither.

I'm winded.

-Let's hide in my uncle Ramón's house! -Let's go!

-No way. I'm not going in there at night. -It's all dark.

Don't be scaredy-cats! Quick, they're gonna catch us!

-Stop! Police! -Freeze!

Run! Oh crap!

I'm freaking out.

Calm down. It's my uncle Ramón's house. Come on.

-You know this place? -Yeah.

-You sure? -Yep.

All right.

I'm scared.

-Is that your uncle Ramón? -Yeah.

Your uncle Ramón is crazy. I mean, why would he have a wolf as a pet?

Let's hide back here.

It smells like shit.

Then wash your ass, dummy.

This way.

-Hey, Lechuga. I'm scared. -Relax, Culi.

Hey, geniuses, I know you're hiding behind the TV.

-Oh God! A dead rat. -What?

-A dead rat? -Where? Hey!

-Oh shit! -Oh shit!

Poor thing.

Wolf.

Wolf!

-Run! -No!

-It must be a cat! -Hurry!

There's a wolf!

There it is!

NEW MESSAGE

FRIENDS CACHÍN HAS LEFT THE GROUP

Guys, we messed up big time last night. Cachín must be pissed.

Come to my place after work. It's important.

KINDLY CLOSE SLOWLY, PLEASE

Sir!

This is a no-parking zone! Get out of the vehicle.

Come on.

So, you don't want to get out?

This is Atenea, over.

Requesting backup to tow a motorcycle taxi.

Whoa! Hey!

-Street peddlers! -I didn't copy that, Atenea.

Good morning. How are you? May I speak to the owner of this line?

-Owner? -Yes.

-What owner? -Of this line.

-What line? -What do you mean, what line?

-The phone line. -Who?

For this phone number.

Who is the owner?

Of the device?

-No. -We don't have a phone.

Who is the owner…?

Who pays the phone bill? The phone bill.

For you to take advantage of this special offer, I'll need your name.

-Mike. -Mike.

-Last name? -Oxlong.

Oxlong.

Okay, Mike Oxlong.

I'll also need to verify your information--

Got you.

Dumbass.

Assholes.

"Mike Oxlong." What a shithead.

Octostr3ss, effective against hair loss and headaches.

Experience its scalp-stimulating benefits, and get thick, healthy hair.

Look. Just position it on your head, and…

prepare for pure relaxation.

It's so great. So act fast, folks. We have only a few units left.

INCOMING CALL

Hello?

Sorry for bothering you today, but we have a problem.

The new deadline for your loan payment was yesterday.

Yes, miss. Sorry about that.

The thing is, the merchandise arrived, and I've been busy taking care of that.

But don't worry. This product's gonna sell like hotcakes.

-I'll be able to pay you back-- -I'm afraid it's too late.

But I wanted to talk to you anyway. I've been waiting for you to call…

CACHÍN'S FRIENDS RUIN AWARD CEREMONY

Goddammit.

RESERVED FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

Excuse me, sir. You're not allowed to park there.

Could you move your car? Good morning, miss.

Sir, didn't you hear me?

Please do me a favor and move your vehicle.

Easy, darky. I'll only be a minute.

-What did you say? -"I'll only be a minute."

-No, before that. -"Easy."

-And between those things? -"Darky."

Darky, huh?

Excuse me, sir. Could you please move your vehicle?

Do you know who I am?

-No. Do you know who I am? -No.

So we're even.

-Please move your vehicle. -See, that's why you're a nobody.

Uppity darkie.

Excuse me.

Hold up. Just a second.

What did you just say to me?

Why don't you write it down so I don't have to repeat myself?

Because I don't have a pen. Where are you going?

You can't go inside. Don't touch me.

What? Don't act all macho with me.

What's this?

-Jeez. You give up so easily! -You're fired!

I'm fucking done.

Here. Have some more canchita, son.

-Thanks, Mom. -How did you like it, honey?

It's delicious.

Dad?

-What is this? -Chanfainita.

But what is it? Meat?

It's a cow's lung.

What? Really? You eat that?

Yeah. You're eating it right now.

Excuse me. Do you have hot sauce?

-Yeah. Here. -Thanks so much.

There you go.

Since when do you like hot sauce?

Like Uncle Cachín says, "Mind your own beeswax."

Oh, I see. And what else did your uncle Cachín teach you?

Every time he sees me, he asks,

"So, do you tickle your pickle?"

Cachín, that son of a gun.

The guy has no filter.

What does it mean?

It's just… What he means is…

He's asking if you're doing your homework.

-Hi, honey. Culi. -Hi, Mom.

-Hi, Pame. -How are you?

-Good. -Yeah?

-What are you eating? -Chanfainita. It's a cow's lung.

It's delicious.

I see.

Here you go, ma'am. Just ten soles. All set.

-Try it on. -It's big.

Everything, just ten soles! Don't miss out!

Only ten soles!

-Special deal! Ten soles! -There he is!

Run! It's the neighborhood watch!

Get out of here!

Stay on him!

Whoa, cuz.

Eusebio, you seriously got fired again?

That's the third job I recommended you for.

Some people in this country have a superiority complex.

And the solution is to beat everyone up?

Look, I totally get it.

But that's not the answer. You need to use your head.

Do you think I wouldn't like to lock up all those corrupt people?

Well, I can't. I need to investigate and think things through.

I can't let my emotions take over.

But you're a prosecutor.

Oh, Eusebio. Powerful people still mess with me.

Okay.

We'll find you a nice job.

Thanks, cuz.

-Hi. -Hi there, sweetie.

You're too old to be pulling this crap.

CACHÍN'S FRIENDS RUIN AWARD CEREMONY

I got a new job.

Congrats!

-Thanks. -That's so great.

I'm starting right away.

-Amazing. It's moving so fast. -Mm-hmm. In Miami.

-Miami! We had a great time there! -You remember?

In Miami?

What about Santi?