Call My Agent (Dix Pour Cent)

So, what did your lawyer say?

He says it doesn't sound good. UBA is trying to prove

that I wasn't the only candidate for the job in New York.

But that's not true! When he told them

you were pregnant, they retracted the offer.

Yes, except if the UBA agency manages to prove

that I wasn't the only candidate for the job,

then there was no hiring discrimination, get it?

Just ordinary competition.

We're going to win. And you know why? Look.

- What? - Look at her hand. Look!

No way!

I didn't see that!

Wait, is she giving the finger?

No, really, our daughter's incredible!

Excuse me!

Good morning, everyone! Chouquettes!

Here, here, here!

Thanks!

- Thanks, Noémie! - You're welcome!

No, thank you.

You usually love chouqettes!

Yeah, but I'm not not hungry.

This annual report is stressing me out.

Honey, I can assure you, the annual report stresses everyone out.

But I've only signed five contracts

since becoming an agent. I think Hicham's going to rip me apart.

When you become an agent,

you have to be able to take the heat.

Some people totally lose it.

Oh, stop it, you bitch!

Has the courier arrived with Dujardin's contract?

No...

What a pain in the ass...

- Hey, accounting. - Hi.

Jean-Pierre, the closing of accounts

for the annual report, when is it exactly?

Friday.

This coming Friday, in four days?

That's tight.

So, any contract signed

before Friday is included in this year's accounts?

- Exactly. - Okay, cool.

How many did Mathias sign?

That information, I certainly can't give you.

I know, Jean-Pierrou,

I'm just kidding.

Anyway, I don't care what Mathias did...

Are you alright?

Yeah...

Are you sure?

It's just... sometimes, I have contractions.

I'd like, maybe, a glass of water.

- Sit down. - Thanks.

- I'll be right back! - Yeah, great.

Mathias...

- Here. - It's fine, it passed.

No, but Parti Pris isn't even in the top 12!

I haven't had lunch.

I still can't get over the fact that you're pregnant.

Yeah, me neither.

No, hey, oh! That's no excuse to feel me up.

Actually, I wanted to ask you...

I have a lesbian friend who really wants to have a child,

and she needs information.

Could you tell her how you did it?

Did you use a donor?

Do I ask you if you use an IUD or a contraceptive implant?

I have a letter for Ms Martel.

It's for me! That's me!

The deal with Guillaume Canet, that's it, it's done.

I have to say, I'm pretty happy.

Well, especially for my client.

Guillaume called me this morning to thank me

and it's true, we don't sign contracts like this one every day.

Be careful, you're going to upstage your colleagues.

They're used to it.

I've had the best numbers in the agency for ten years.

Yeah, except one Dujardin equals two Canets!

This is Dujardin's contract, with his very signature.

Something tells me that this year,

I'll have the biggest number. See you, guys!

What is this?

EB?

EB? What is this?

Emile Berthier?

Camille!

- Well? - Jean's phone is out of order,

his wife's not answering either.

Maybe he wanted to play a prank?

A prank?

Jean has a great sense of humor,

but generally, if there's one thing he doesn't joke around with,

it's that kind of contracts.

Are you sure he's not still filming The Deserter?

Yes, he finished two weeks ago.

I can't believe it, what is he doing?

I don't know.

Is there a problem with Jean Dujardin, perhaps?

No, there's no problem.

Can you shut the door, Mathias?

Thank you!

Okay.

- You're going to clean it up. - No, that's impossible.

There are two thousand moldy pages that reek of dead animal.

I don't care, I have a meeting later with the producer,

I have to give her the contract in person.

I don't know, go to the store,

find a product that cleans paper, figure it out.

That doesn't exist!

What do you know?

And about the signature "Emile Berthier," what are you going to say?

That he's back to using his maiden name?

Stop being a smart ass just because you became an agent!

- Andréa? - Yes?

Your appointment is here.

Hello, Andréa!

Babeth! How are you?

Good, good. I'm just passing through to pick up Jean's contract.

You didn't get my message?

No.

Really? Oh no, it's our fault, it's the legal department.

They didn't send the right version.

So, it's done, we sent another copy of the contract,

so we'll have it tonight, latest.

Don't worry. But it's nice to see you.

Hey you! What's this little rascal's name again?

Okay, where is Dujardin?

He's still filming The Deserter ,

is that it? They're behind schedule again?

No Babeth, The Deserter wrapped up two weeks ago.

Jean is just taking a few days off before starting with you.

He can't wait, he's really excited about the movie!

Filming starts in two weeks,

there are fittings to be done, rehearsals...

I have two hundred people counting on him, I do!

A 12-million-euro budget!

And we've been waiting for him for months because of this shitty Deserter .

I have a lot of respect for arthouse cinema,

we need it to keep retired professors happy, I agree.

But what was he doing on that never-ending shoot

with that half-crazy director?

Solveig Akerfeld. Grand Prix at Cannes two years ago.

And 50 tickets sold.

Listen, how about we discuss it after he wins a César?

- Oh right... - Here, look, you'll see...

These are images from the shoot. They're extremely confidential.

Even I'm not supposed to have seen them.

But this will give you an idea of the thing.

Come see. Come, come here.

Action, Jean!

It's the story of a wounded soldier who went AWOL during World War I,

and who hides in the forest for years to escape the death penalty.

Unrecognizable.

And... cut!

Jean, cut!

Jean, cut!

Can we do another one?

No, Jean!

He's incredible!

Did you see that? It's up there with Di Caprio in The Revenant !

You know, the rabbit, well, it's a real rabbit.

Alright, enough with the bullshit, Andréa. Where is Dujardin?

- How are you? - And you, honey?

I'm so happy to see you!

- You look good behind your desk! - Oh, thank you!

- How's it going? - Really well.

- Are you going to say hi to them? - Yeah!

Hugs.

She looks like a million bucks!

A real lady!

I have to show you...

What is that?

Oh damn, that is some good shit!

Of course, we worked our asses off, right?

And to think it nearly didn't happen. I love the poster.

It's so beautiful.

It's beautiful, right?

Is it okay? It's not too vulgar?

- Because you're showing a little breast? - You're so beautiful!

Even in an amateur Albanian porno you wouldn't be vulgar, Sofia Leprince.

Oh Hervé! Thanks guys. I miss you so much!

We miss you too.

You know, sometimes we go see Antoine

and we ask him to go "Hi!," like this.

Alright, I'm going to see my agent.

- Thanks! - You come back now, okay?

Camille, Camille, hey!

Cancel my three o'clock appointment, I'm going to see Dujardin.

It's all good, you talked to him?

No! That's why I'm going over there! Oh shit!

What's wrong?

- Are you okay? - No, it's nothing.

- I'm okay! It's fine! - Wait!

It's just a little contraction.

- Are you giving birth? - You being an idiot.

She's giving birth! Andréa's giving birth!

Cut it out! You're a real idiot!

What's going on?

- Are you alright? - I'm fine!