Man with a Plan

Guys, the flip house is really coming along.

- Yeah. - After we sell it,

I'm gonna use the money

to buy a couples vacation for me and Marcy.

Oh, that's really romantic, Don.

Yeah. Marcy's going to the Bahamas and I'm going to Mexico.

How am I the divorced guy?

Actually, we're gonna use the money to buy a house

and then repeat the process until we own this city.

Yeah... well, just the bad parts of the city.

We can't afford the good parts.

Okay. Inspection's all done.

All right. Yes.

We failed?

Wha... how could that be?

Did you not see the six-pack I left in your truck?

The inside pipes are up to code,

but your sewer line to the street needs to be replaced.

And for next time,

I'm a wine guy.

That means we have to tear up the whole driveway.

We can't afford that.

We already used our airline miles to buy the doorknobs.

I feel bad. I'm the one who convinced you to buy this house.

It's kind of my fault.

What... no, Andi, no. It's nobody's fault.

But this whole sewer thing,

that's gonna run, like, 20 grand.

Way to go, Andi.

Look at this budget. How are we gonna come up with 20 grand?

Well, can't we just tack it onto our construction loan?

We're at our limit with the bank.

When I pull up to the drive-through,

the teller turns off the microphone and ducks behind the counter.

If we can't finish this house, we can't sell it.

And if we can't sell it, we could lose the whole business.

No! I need this job.

Since Jen and I split up, she has all the money

and the lawyer says I can't have any.

A-All right, everybody, calm down.

Let's all remember: this is Andi's fault.

All right, all right, all right.

Let's not turn on each other.

Pittsburgh has plenty of banks.

Tomorrow, we'll just hit up a bunch of them

until we find one that'll give us money.

Or I know a guy down at the track who lends money.

One hitch: if we can't pay him back,

we'll have to kill him before he kills us.

All right.

Let's call murdering a guy plan B.

Okay, huddle up, team.

We need a new loan to finish the flip house

and I don't see any reason we shouldn't get it.

We are excellent at what we do, people like us

and we're good-looking.

Okay, I made a list of banks.

We'll split up

- and get to as many as possible. - All right.

Oh, I got a good feeling about this one.

It's right next-door to Hooters.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I never heard of any of these.

Yeah, well, I picked small ones.

I'm hoping they're small because they're not smart.

All right, that's the spirit, Andi.

All right, come on, we're burning daylight.

Let's do this thing.

Ugh, good. You're all here.

I'm glad you're not busy.

Uh, actually, Mom, we're right in the middle of something.

No, you can tell your story after I tell mine.

Your father is impossible.

H-He just had his knee operation.

All he wants to do is sit around.

In fairness, he's recovering from a major surgery.

This seems like a family matter. I'll wait in the car.

Well, I thought he was doing better.

He was, but now he's just back on the couch.

I mean, I want

to be known for my patience

and consideration, but that's just not my bag.

So I'm going to my sister's.

Isn't his homecare nurse helping?

If by helping, you mean eating all my Milanos

and finishing my crossword puzzles,

then yes, he's a gift from heaven.

Come on. I'm taking your crossword for the train.

Love to the grandbabies.

What were we doing before she came in?

We were about to lose our business.

Oh, right. That thing Andi did.

So you can see, we're very serious.

We have a solid business plan,

the house is almost done.

A-And we're both wearing ties.

The trouble is, you're at your loan limit.

Right. That's why we're both wearing ties.

We think our project has a lot of potential.

And I'm thinking you might be more likely to help us

because we are haircut twins.

Oh. Yeah, you're right.

It's like you're looking in a mirror

that wants to give you money... a money mirror.

So what are you thinking?

I'm thinking I should grow out my hair.

I'm not sure you have enough collateral.

We may be small, but we're not dumb.

Nobody said you were dumb.

Though we are hoping for desperate.

Look, we have other options.

We just don't want to have to kill a guy.

So you have all the numbers.

What do you say?

No.

No.

No.

- Please? - No.

Maybe...

Oh, wait. I didn't see that. No.

No, no, no.

That loan guy

left with our application.

That is not a good sign.

Do you hear anybody laughing out there?

I haven't been rejected this much since middle school.

And high school... and when my wife left.

I should be used to this by now.

Thanks for waiting.

So? How bad is it?

Actually, I think we can do something with this.

Okay, I'm sorry... wait. Wait.

Did you just say not "no"?

I'm gonna need to run some numbers...

He's running numbers. He's running numbers!

- He's getting a calculator. - All right, be cool, Lowell.

Sorry. It's just, this loan is really important to us.

Well, I'll be honest, it's not a slam dunk,

but you've got a spark.

I have a good feeling about you.

You seem hard-working.

I am hard-working.

And dedicated.

Super-duper dedicated.

Do you need to write that on there? Or, y-you'll remember.

He'll remember. He'll...

Ah. Crosscourt smash.

- Suck on that, Funchy. - Hey.

Watch the language. This is Wimbledon.

The queen's in the audience.

Oh, no, my boys are here.

Uh, hide the fun.

- Dad? Oh. - Hey, guys.

Joe's just been sitting here in tremendous pain.

Uh, sorry to bother you, Dad. We need to borrow one of your ties.

We got a couple more banks to see,

and Don got mayonnaise on his.

I told you today of all days, don't get extra mayonnaise.

It was a turkey sandwich. That bird gave his life

and I'm not gonna put mayonnaise on him?

Don't be disrespectful.

How's the leg, Dad?

Oh, not good.

And Funchy's pushing me too hard.

Hey, I'm here to kick ass and eat Milanos,

and I'm all out of Milanos.

Ooh.

Hey, Andi. How's it going?

I have a not no.

That's amazing. So far, all we got is noes.

Well, one bank took our picture,

but I think that's to make sure we never come back.

Okay, well, let me keep working on this and...

Okay, you... listen, you got this. Okay?

Be confident, but not cocky.

Stay calm, but it's all up to you.

It's life or death. Just have fun.

So, what do you think, James?

Well, uh, this is a tricky one.

Uh, but sometimes, you just got to go with your gut.

Don't tell the squares upstairs,

but I'm a bit of a vibe guy.

Oh. Well, we are a very pro-vibe company.

Absolutely. I'm vibrating right now.

So, um, what's the next step?

Well, there's a lot to go through,

and I have meetings the rest of the day.

I'd say come back tomorrow, but Karen's here then,

and she has zero vibes.

What if we met to talk about it over dinner?

You mean, like, a real business dinner?

I've never had one of those... I mean, I have, I have.

I've had so many, it's like, ugh. But, uh,

I've just never had one of those scheduled for tonight,

i.e. I'm free.

I'd invite you, too, but, uh,

she seems like the boss, am I wrong about that?

No. I'm not allowed to make any decisions.

- That's how smart she is. - Mm.

Look at you, all ready for your first business dinner.