When Harry Met Sally...

I was sitting with my friend Arthur Kornblum in a restaurant.

It was the Horn & Hardert Cafeteria.

And this beautiful girl walked in,

and I turned to Arthur, and I said,

"Arthur, you see that girl?

I'm going to marry her."

And two weeks later, we were married.

And it's over 50 years later...

and we're still married.

- I love you. - I love you.

Hmm...

Oh, hi, Sally.

Sally, this is Harry Burns. Harry, this is Sally Albright.

Nice to meet you.

- You want to drive the first shift? - No, you're there already. You can start.

Back's open.

- Call me. - I'll call you as soon as I get there.

Oh, call me from the road.

I'll call you before then.

- I love you. - I love you.

Sorry.

- I miss you already. - I miss you.

- Bye. - Bye.

I have it all figured out. It's an 18-hour trip

which breaks down into six shifts of three hours each,

or alternatively we could break it down by mileage.

There's a map on the visor

that I've marked to show the locations where we can change shifts.

Grape?

No. I don't like to eat between meals.

I'll roll down the window.

Why don't you tell me the story of your life.

- The story of my life? - We got 18 hours to kill before we hit New York.

The story of my life isn't even gonna get us out of Chicago.

I mean nothing's happened to me yet.

That's why I'm going to New York.

- So something'll happen to you? - Yes.

Like what?

Like I'm going to journalism school to become a reporter.

So you can write about things that happen to other people.

- That's one way to look at it. - Suppose nothing happens to you?

Suppose you live there your whole life and nothing happens?

You never meet anybody, You never become anything.

And finally you die one of those New York deaths...

where nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway.

- Amanda mentioned you had a dark side. - That's what drew her to me.

- Your dark side? - Sure. Why, don't you have a dark side?

I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dots their "I's" with hearts.

I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.

Oh, really?

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first.

That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends.

That, my friend, is a dark side.

That doesn't mean you're deep or anything. I mean,

- Yes, basically I'm a happy person. - So am I.

And I don't see that there's anything wrong with that.

Of course not. You're too busy being happy. You ever think about death?

- Yes. - Sure you do.

A fleeting thought that drifts in and out of the transom of your mind.

I spend hours, I spend days (to think about death).

And you think this makes you a better person?

Look, when the shit comes down, I'm gonna be prepared, and you're not.

That's all I'm saying.

In the meantime, you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.

- You're wrong. - I'm not wrong.

He wants her to leave. That's why he puts her on the plane.

- I don't think she wants to stay. - Of course she wants to stay.

Wouldn't you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?

I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca,

married to a man who runs a bar.

That probably sounds very snobbish to you, but I don't.

- You'd rather be in a passionless marriage - And be the first lady of Czechoslovakia.

... than live with a man you've had the greatest sex of your life with,

just because he owns a bar and that is all he does?

Yes.

And so would any woman in her right mind.

Women are very practical, even Ingrid Bergman,

which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie.

I understand.

What? What?

- Nothing. - What?

Forget about it.

- Forget about what? - It's not important.

No, just tell me.

Obviously you haven't had great sex yet.

- Two, please. - Right over there.

- Yes, I have. - No, you haven't.

It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex.

With whom?

What?

With whom did you have this great sex?

I'm not gonna tell you that.

Fine. Don't tell me.

Shel Gordon.

Shel? Sheldon?

No. No, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.

- I did too. - No, you didn't.

Sheldon can do your income taxes.

If you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man.

But humping and pumping is not Sheldon's strong suit.

It's the name. "Do it to me, Sheldon.

You're an animal, Sheldon.

Ride me, big Sheldon."

It doesn't work.

Hi.

- What can I get you? - I'll have a number 3.

I'd like the chef's salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side,

and the apple pie ?la mode.

Chef and apple ?la mode.

But I'd like the pie heated, and I dont' want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side.

And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla, if you have it.

If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real.

If it's out of a can, then nothing.

Not even the pie?

No, just the pie, but then not heated.

Uh huh.

What?

Nothing, nothing.

So how come you broke up with Sheldon?

How do you know we broke up?

Because if you didn't break up, you wouldn't be here with me.

You'd be off with Sheldon, the Wonder Schlong.

First of all, I am not "with" you.

And second of all, it is none of your business why we broke up.

You're right. I don't wanna know.

Well if you must know, it was because he was very jealous,

and I had these "Days of the Week" underpants.

I'm sorry. I need a judge's ruling on this.

"Days of the Week" underpants?

Yes. They had the days of the week on them,

and I thought they were sorta funny.

And then, one day, Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday."

He's all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday?

And I told him, and he didn't believe me.

- What? - They don't make Sunday.

- Why not? - Because of God.

Okay, so 15 percent of my share

is 90.

6.90.

Let's leave 7.

What?

Do I have something on my face?

You're a very attractive person.

Thank you.

Amanda never said how attractive you were.

Well, maybe she doesn't think I'm attractive.

I don't think it's a matter of opinion. Empirically, you are attractive.

Amanda is my friend.

So?

- So you're going with her. - So?

So you're coming on to me.

No, I wasn't.

What?

Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on?

All right, all right.

Let's just say, just for the sake of argument, that it was a come-on.

What do you want me to do about it? I take it back, okay?

- You can't take it back. - Why not?

Because it's already out there.

Oh, Geez, what are we supposed to do? Call the cops. It's already out there.

Just let it lie. Okay?

Great. Let it lie.

That's my policy.

That's what I always say: Let it lie.

Wanna spend the night in a motel?

See what I did? I didn't let it lie.

Harry.

- I said I would, then I didn't. - Harry.

- I went the other way. - Harry.

What?

We are just going to be friends, okay?

Great. Friends. It's the best thing.

You realize, of course, that we could never be friends.

Why not?

What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form,

is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

That's not true.

I have a number of men friends, and there is no sex involved.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

You only think you do.

You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

No. What I'm saying is, they all wanna have sex with you.

- They do not. - Do too.

- They do not. - Do too.

How do you know?

Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.

He always wants to have sex with her.

So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.

No. You pretty much wanna nail 'em too.

What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there,

so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

- Well, I guess we're not gonna be friends then. - Guess not.

That's too bad.

You were the only person that I knew in New York.

- Thanks for the ride. - Yeah. It was interesting.

- (It) was nice knowing you. - Yeah.

Well, have a nice life.

You too.