Jane the Virgin

Welcome back. Let's review what happened last.

When Jane was young, her grandmother taught her to protect her flower.

And so Jane waited... which wasn't always easy.

This is Jane's fiancé.

He's a detective.

Their life was perfectly on track, until...

Oh, there you are, Dr. Alver.

You have an insemination in seven and a path in eight.

Yeah, an insemination and a path, yeah, I got it.

Should I... No, I-I got it.

She does not “got it.”

Are you ready for your insemination? Hi. yes.

I artificially inseminated the wrong woman.

And the father, Dr. Alver's brother, Rafael,

who Jane kissed once five years ago,

only now he's married to Petra.

Got all that? There's more.

Jane did not know that her favorite telenovela star

was actually her father, who her mother

recently got back in touch with.

Anw you are caught up.

Jane's Quinceañera was, without a doubt,

the worst party she'd ever been to.

But not for lack of effort.

In fact, Jane had planned the day down to a tee.

The flowers.

The entrance.

The perfectly choreographed dance

with the Superfly Date.

What she didn't plan? That her mother

would take over the mike and perform

the number one hit currently sweeping the nation.

But to her credit,

Jane did not panic.

She simply moved on.

Who wants cake?

No, thank you, Abuela.

I'm not hungry.

And Jane was determined to move on now.

Yes, I know, but that is not gonna be

the focus of everything moving forward.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna get back to my life.

In fact,

that's the reason why I called this family meeting.

Michael, welcome to your first family meeting.

Happy to be here. Proud to be representing

the male point of view.

Ooh. Oh, see, I wouldn't lead

with that, 'cause that's not gonna do well in our meetings.

I'm mostly here to watch and observe.

So, I just wanted to go over the plan.

All right? The most important thing

is that this... event...

doesn't derail my life.

Nothing else has changed. All right?

I'm almost at the finish line with college.

I got a good job. I'm engaged to a great guy.

Sure, there are

a few logistical things I'm gonna have to do

to make sure it... stays in good health,

like I set up a sonogram, for instance.

But other than that, nothing has changed.

Got it?

Yes. Go ahead.

Abuela!

She said that I should keep the baby.

Oh! No, she's not keeping the baby.

Stop, Abuela.

I'm not gonna keep the baby.

I- In fact,

we're not gonna refer to it as a baby.

We're gonna... we're gonna call it something else.

W... We are going to call it, um...

a milkshake.

And I can't wait to give that milkshake

to its rightful owners...

good people who really want it.

I want a divorce.

Well, I don't.

And Jane's not gonna give you that child on your own.

Yeah.

I know.

Just like I know

that you're trying to wait out our prenup

to make money off me.

So, tell me, sweetheart...

how are we gonna work through that?

Hey, man, how you holding up?

Good. Yeah?

We're good.

Catalina Creel? Seriously, Abuela?

- Who is Catalina Creel? - This super psycho telenovela villain

who wore an eye patch everywhere even though she wasn't really blind.

Petra's not a super psycho.

Okay, you know what?

I... am gonna meet with Petra.

She's just texted me.

She'd like to meet.

Sounds lovely.

Great. She is excited to set something up.

Are you happy?

And once I meet with her, I am going

to think about this pregnancy as little as possible.

I'm gonna get back to my life.

Uh-uh. No way.

After that, you sue the frickin' doctor.

Ah, yes,

the frickin' doctor. Okay.

The frickin' doctor was trying to move forward as well.

Mrs. Diana T. Gower. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Can you just say your name one more time,

and this time would you mind

also spelling it slowly?

Twice... you can never be too careful.

The nurse said you were between patients.

Well...

I'm sure the mistake will be dealt with

through the appropriate channels,

and since I haven't received the...

official notification that my license is suspended,

I figured I should just keep practicing.

Oh, okay, there's the official notification.

My license is suspended.

Luisa, you're not drinking are you?

No.

No, I'm not. What I'm doing is

that I'm trying to be practical, which is why I called you.

I mean, you were a pretty good lawyer

before you gave it up to become a trophy wife.

Take care of yourself.

No, stop it. I'm sorry.

I don't know why I said that.

I'm going through a lot,

and I'm lashing out. I...

I need your help.

I called my insurance company, and there's

this thing in my policy.

It mentions my brother, and I'm not sure I understand it

because of all the legal jargon.

You put your shares

of the hotel up as collateral?

In case of a lawsuit, yeah.

Look, no one would insure Luisa with her history of addiction.

She's my sister.

And I believed her when she said she'd changed.

So if Jane sues me...?

Your brother's hotel could be on the line.

I just don't want to spend the next year

in a whole legal battle. I just want

to keep moving forward with my life.

Finish college, obsess about wedding dresses...

and who keeps calling you, Mom?

Can you ask Rafael if I can sing at the hotel next month?

I heard Paulina Rubio's

producer might be in town, so...

Is it Bruce?

- Yeah, it's Bruce. - Mom!

It is important to note

that Bruce is Xiomara's

married ex-boyfriend.

Stop calling!

It is also important to note that that was

not Bruce calling. In fact,

it was Jane's father, who Xo saw out of the blue

16 months ago.

Seeing her high school boyfriend

on a telenovela was shocking.

So Xiomara did the only sensible thing.

She rushed home to Google him.

Hey. Who's the hottie?

But alas, Jane didn't know any of that.

Yet.

And so for a brief moment,

as Jane went to work that morning,

it truly felt like nothing had changed.

Jane.

Hi. I'm sorry to ambush you like this.

I just wanted to talk really quickly about the...

uh... the baby.

Like I said, the moment was brief.

Oh. Yes. Hi. Hey.

- I actually texted your wife. - Yes, I heard.

Yeah, I was just trying to put a name to the face

and make sure she didn't have an eye patch.

What?

Nothing. That was a bad joke. sorry.

I am really excited to meet her.

And, you know, see the whole picture

and the two-parent-home thing.

Right.

So, that's pretty important to you, huh?

Yeah, it's the reason why I feel good about my decision.

Sorry, what was it that you wanted to talk

to me about?

In truth, he decided

to come clean to Jane and tell her his marriage is over.

Just some... lawsuit stuff, actually.

But alas, plans change.

You're suing?

No. I'm not suing.