Immaculate Conception

Are we almost there?

If we can ever get through this crazy traffic!

I just can't get used to

the way that people drive in this country.

Pull in over here.

This had better be good, Samira.

I assure you it will be picturesque.

Why are they staring?

It's the national male pastime.

Where's the Gulab Shah shrine?

Two streets up.

Look, a white Memsahab on pilgrimage.

- Buy a shawl and get your wish. - No, thank you.

Welcome to the Gulab Shah shrine.

- Are they men? - Hijras. Eunuchs.

She's come for a baby.

Come in, come in. Please take off your shoes.

Hey, Kamal...

your people have come.

- Salaam. - Alaikum as salaam.

English? German?

- American. - Ah.

I need to take some photographs.

- Will you be all right? - Yeah, sure.

Look after her.

You visiting shrine just like that,

or maybe you want something?

Well, I came with my friend. She's doing an article.

Baby is being born.

It's a lucky day.

Mother and father have come a long way.

You, Christian?

No, I'm Jewish.

Yahoodi.

The baby's cry has rent your heart.

Hmm?

You got problems with pregnancy?

Everything all right.

Gulab Shah blessing.

You will carry.

Carry?

Gulab Shah was blessed by Allah.

Hannah?

I got what I wanted.

Yes, yes. Take a photo. All of us.

You're in this one, I'm afraid.

Hold on, he was saying something.

If you wish for a baby,

you will have one.

Just like that?

Well, I wish.

You come here.

With husband.

Three days.

Should I have left them any money?

You mean, like a deposit?

No, you know. More like a tip.

Do you think there's truth in any of it?

Well, it's quite famous for babies, but I don't know what the hit rate is.

Come in for some lunch.

We've got a long way to go. Thanks.

Ally!

What did you buy?

Didn't go shopping.

Went to a shrine.

Sam's got an assignment for National Geographic.

- Oh, interesting. - Hmm.

It was a miracle shrine.

With all these bloody miracles,

it's a miracle this 'king country survives.

Ally!

Anyway, it was weird. This guy...

I guess he was the head of it. Oh, it's a eunuch shrine.

Eunuch shrine?

Yeah. He looked into my eyes, and he said:

"If you want to have a baby, you can."

Samira says this place has a reputation, you know?

People go there as a last resort.

Oh, did she?

Would you ever do anything like that?

What does one do?

Say some prayers. Get blessed.

Think of it as kind of an alternative medicine.

Doesn't cost us anything.

Except our self-respect.

For God's sake, Hannah. I want a baby as much as you do.

But once you start giving in to superstition...

you become vulnerable.

Hello.

Who the hell let you in here?

This, er... this is illegal.

They've got a permit

I'm Saeed Ahmed, Foreign Office.

Are you the Preservation Officer?

Who signed the permit?

It's your bloody rupee sweeteners, isn't it?

Yeah, well, I'm telling you. I'm going straight to the Minister about this.

Look, it's only one day's hunting for our guest.

The Minister knows.

Arab goodwill depends on this.

You mean Arab money.

They wiped them out in their own country.

Now you're going to let them do it here?

We lost three thousand birds last year.

In a few more years, the houbara bustard will be extinct.

We do have a permit.

Oh, Jesus! I'll get you an audience!

Can you get me Samira, please?

Thanks. Oh, quickly.

- Hi, hi. - Good morning, sir.

Hello, Sam?

Listen, the bustard story I was telling you about.

Can you get down there fast?

There's a whole bunch of Arabs just waiting to be photographed.

I hope you like it.

There you are, you savage.

We'll civilise you yet.

These are stories that have been around for a thousand years,

and it takes an American woman to come down in angelic form

and collect them.

Now for the real celebration.

Not the widow, I'm afraid,

- but the best we can do round here. - Not here, yar.

These uneducated fellows, they don't understand.

Maybe we should save that for home.

I don't want to get flogged in the marketplace.

Oh, it's just grapefruit juice.

Mum's the word, eh, Raju?

Yes sir. Mumm.

- (CORK POPPING) - There you are! Baptised!

- Hi, I've come to see Samira. - Please.

I haven't finished yet.

Come on up.

So, this is where you live?

Home sweet home.

Bibiji, Sahab wants to see you.

You'd better come and meet Grandad.

Samira! - Coming!

He watches my every move. He's quite paranoid, completely crazy.

Bullet holes. That's when they killed my parents.

Dadaji!

Dadaji!

Dadaji, this is Alistair. He works for the World Wildlife Organisation.

Remember I told you about him?

Very pleased.

So very pleased to make acquaintance.

World Wildlife, hmm...

All creatures great and small.

All things bright and beautiful.

Lord God made them all.

American look after everybody.

They run short of people.

Now they look after animals, fishes...

Alistair's not American, Dadaji, he's, er...

No, I'm English.

Oh.

I beg pardon.

I hate the English even more.

I thought he was your friend from Yale?

No, that's David.

Alistair is married to David's sister.

I... I treated her like a boy, you know.

Poor girl.

I sent her to American university,

to become most highly educated woman in Pakistan.

Even... even better than Benazir Bhutto!

Yes, yes.

I'll call him and his wife for dinner,

and you can lecture them on how clever I am.

Now we've got to go. We've got work to do, okay?

Nice to have, er... Bye.

Who shot your parents?

A bit too dark.

Sam?

Sam, who shot your parents?

Family feuds. They kill everybody here.

- What for? - Who knows? Same old things.

Land, money, power, revenge.

Aren't you scared they'll get you?

Maybe they will.

Grandad has his troops following me.

I can't live like that.

I've told Hannah the whole story.

Family tree, shot-off branches and all.

What did you take her to that, um...

- Hidra? Hijra? - Mmm.

Shrine for?

- Don't you want a baby? - Of course I do.

With Hannah?

Who else?

Well, I dunno, we've tried every damn thing.

Maybe this will work.

What, the eunuch miracles? Leave me out.

Who are these Hijras, anyway?

Come on, this is going to be fun!

Oh yeah?

Where the hell have you brought me?

Wait and see. More surprises ahead.

Don't you bloody Urdu me.